10/27/2026
BLIND SPOTS
What if the very thing causing problems in your relationships is something everyone else can see, but you can't? We all have blind spots, things about ourselves that are obvious to others but completely hidden from us. The difficult thing about blind spots is that we don't know they're there, and we can go through life believing we're one way while the people around us experience something entirely different. I was recently reminded of this in a rather funny way.
The other day, I was talking to a group of people and casually said, “I’m pretty laid-back and calm.” They all laughed! I was a little taken aback and thought, *What are you laughing at? I am laid-back! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I probably am one of the most laid-back people in my family, which really isn't saying much because my family isn't exactly known for being calm and easygoing!
Compared to my family, I see myself as pretty laid-back, but compared to the average person, maybe I'm not quite as calm as I think I am. That conversation got me thinking about how differently we can see ourselves from the way others see us. We all have things about ourselves that we simply don't recognize, even when they are obvious to everyone around us. The truth is, you don't know what you don't know, and you can't correct something you don't know is there.
In 2 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV), the Bible tells us, “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.” That's an important reminder because it's often much easier to recognize what needs to change in someone else than to recognize what needs to change in us. We can spend so much time evaluating other people's attitudes, reactions, and behaviors that we never stop to consider our own. Sometimes we need to stop examining everyone else and ask God to help us examine ourselves.
What Do You See?
When we take personality profiles or assessments, there are often three different perspectives to consider: how we perceive ourselves, how other people perceive us, and how we actually are. Those three perspectives aren't always the same, and that difference can reveal quite a bit about us. We see ourselves through the lens of our families, personalities, backgrounds, experiences, hurts, successes, and failures. Because we've lived with ourselves our entire lives, certain behaviors feel completely normal to us, even when other people experience them very differently.
The Blind Spot in the Mirror
Think about driving a car. There is an area beside your vehicle that you cannot see clearly through your rearview or side mirrors, and we call it the blind spot. You can check both mirrors and still miss a car traveling right beside you, which is why many vehicles have additional mirrors or warning systems. Those systems give you an outside view of something you cannot see from where you're sitting.
Now imagine changing lanes without realizing another car is there. You could cause an accident and injure yourself or someone else, not because you intended to, but because you didn't see what was beside you. I believe the same thing happens in our relationships when we have attitudes, behaviors, or reactions we don't recognize in ourselves. Sometimes the people standing in our blind spots are the very people getting hurt, and we don't even realize we're the ones hurting them.
We Need Outside Mirrors
Just as a driver needs an additional mirror to see what would otherwise remain hidden, we need outside perspectives in our lives. First and foremost, we need the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to reveal what is in our hearts. David understood this when he prayed in Psalm 139:23–24 (NIV), “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” What a powerful prayer to make part of our lives: God, show me what I cannot see about myself.
Psalm 19:12 (NIV) asks, “But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.” Isn't that interesting? Sometimes our faults are hidden, not from everyone else, but from us! God can also use trusted people to help us recognize those areas, especially when we are willing to listen instead of immediately becoming defensive. If you keep hearing the same thing about yourself from different people, or you find yourself facing the same problems in different relationships, it might be worth asking, Lord, is there something here that I need to see?
Now, that doesn't mean we should live our lives worried about what everyone thinks of us. We cannot allow other people's opinions to determine our identity or constantly change ourselves to satisfy everyone around us. But there is a big difference between being controlled by people's opinions and being teachable. We need people who love us, know us, and genuinely want the best for us, and we need enough humility to listen when they tell us something we may not want to hear.
The Speck and the Plank
Jesus addressed this very issue in Matthew 7:3–5 when He asked why we notice the speck in someone else's eye but fail to recognize the plank in our own. Isn't that human nature? We can quickly identify someone else's problem and have all kinds of opinions about what they need to change. We might think they're too controlling, too sensitive, too impatient, or too judgmental, without ever considering whether we struggle with some of those same things ourselves.
It's amazing how clearly we can see someone else's faults while remaining completely unaware of our own. We may even become frustrated with behaviors in others that we regularly demonstrate ourselves. That's why Jesus tells us to deal with the plank in our own eye before trying to remove the speck from someone else's. Before I spend too much time examining someone else's faults, perhaps I need to pray, “Lord, is there a plank in my own eye that I cannot see?”
Sometimes We Hurt People Without Knowing It
One of the most difficult things about blind spots is that we can hurt people without ever intending to hurt them. I've had people come to me and explain that something I said or did hurt their feelings, and I honestly had no idea. I felt terrible because hurting them was never my intention, but I had to recognize that they were still hurt. Good intentions do not always prevent hurt feelings, and just because we didn't mean to hurt someone doesn't mean we didn't.
People hear and interpret things differently because of their personalities, backgrounds, cultures, experiences, and past wounds. Something I say with one intention may be received in a completely different way by someone else, and unless they tell me, I may never know. That's one reason communication is so important, especially when something has happened that causes hurt or offense. Rather than allowing that hurt to grow into resentment, we need to be willing to have honest conversations with one another.
Jesus gives us a process for handling these situations in Matthew 18:15–17 (NIV), beginning with these words: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” He goes on to explain what to do if the person refuses to listen, including involving one or two others before taking the matter further. But notice where Jesus starts: Go to the person. Not to your friends, not to everyone else in the church, and certainly not to social media!
How many problems could be resolved if we simply followed that instruction? Instead of talking about someone who has hurt us, what if we went directly to them and explained what happened? They may be completely unaware of how their words or actions affected us, and that conversation could give them an opportunity to recognize something they couldn't see before. You may be standing in one of their blind spots, and they may never know they've hurt you unless you tell them.
The Blind Spot Can Be on Either Side
But there's another side to this that we also need to consider. Sometimes the person who hurt us has a blind spot, but sometimes our own wounds can become blind spots too. We can interpret someone's words or actions through the pain of something we've experienced in the past and assume they intended to hurt us when they didn't. That's why we need to listen for what people are really trying to communicate instead of automatically assuming the worst about their intentions.
There's an old saying, “Hurt people hurt people,” and I think there's a lot of truth in that. Imagine having a painful bruise on your arm that no one else knows is there. Someone barely touches that spot, and you react strongly because it hurts, leaving them wondering why such a small touch caused such a big reaction. They don't understand because they can't see the bruise.
Sometimes people carry invisible bruises from things they've experienced, and a word, expression, or situation can touch that wounded place without anyone realizing it. Suddenly, they react much more strongly than the situation seems to warrant, and the people around them may have no idea why. That doesn't excuse wrong behavior, but it can help us understand why someone might respond the way they do. Instead of immediately becoming angry or offended, we can choose to respond with compassion and recognize that there may be something happening in their heart that we cannot see.
James 1:19–20 (NIV) tells us, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” That's good advice for every relationship, especially when emotions are involved. Sometimes we need to listen beyond someone's words and hear their heart, giving them the same patience and understanding we would want if we were the ones struggling. And when someone deliberately tries to wound us, we can still ask God for wisdom to respond appropriately without allowing their actions to control our own.
Don't Be Afraid to Look in the Mirror
The challenge with blind spots is that we can't see them on our own, but that doesn't mean we have to remain unaware of them. God has given us His Word, the Holy Spirit, prayer, and people who love us enough to speak the truth. The question is whether we're willing to listen when something is revealed that doesn't line up with how we see ourselves. It's easy to become defensive and immediately think, That's not me! But what if, instead of defending ourselves, we stopped long enough to ask a few honest questions?
- Could there be some truth in what they're saying?
- Have I heard this before?
- Is this pattern repeating itself in my relationships?
- Am I unintentionally hurting people?
- Lord, is there something in me that You want to change?
And just as importantly, when we recognize a blind spot in someone else, we need to extend the same grace we hope others will extend to us. They may genuinely not recognize what they're doing, just as we sometimes fail to recognize our own attitudes and reactions. The goal isn't to become consumed with what everyone thinks about us or to constantly search for something wrong with ourselves. The goal is to remain humble enough for God to show us what we cannot see and willing enough to change when He does.
Maybe one of the most courageous prayers we can pray is David's prayer, “Search me, God, and know my heart… See if there is any offensive way in me.” — Psalm 139:23–24 It takes humility to invite God to reveal things about us that we'd rather not acknowledge, but that's part of growing and becoming more like Christ. We don't have to be afraid of what He might show us because His desire is to help us grow, not to condemn us. And perhaps the very thing we've been frustrated about in our relationships could begin to change if we were willing to look in the mirror and allow Him to show us something we've never seen before.
Lord, show me my blind spots.
Show me where my words, attitudes, reactions, or behaviors may be affecting others in ways I don't recognize. Give me people in my life who will lovingly tell me the truth, and give me the humility to listen when they do. Help me also to extend grace to the blind spots of others, remembering that I have blind spots of my own.
Because once God allows us to see what we couldn't see before, we can begin to change it.
