07/27/2026
A Letter To The Men of The Modern Church
Su***de
This began originally years ago as a letter to Veterans and First Responders, but has since evolved more broadly into my letter to the men of the church. The topic is su***de. After fighting the epidemic of su***de for over two decades within the Warfighter Nation throughout the GWOT, we've found ourselves losing our civilian friends as well to their own hand.
My reason for this is quite simple. It has plagued our Warfighter Community for over 25 years now. During the Global War on Terrorism - the collective two-front war in Iraq and Afghanistan, there were a total of 6,946 combat related casualties; 4,585 in Iraq and 2,361 in Afghanistan. During that same 25 year period - the exact same time frame there were 139,936 Veteran su***des reported. And the unsuccessful su***de attempts are too numerous to count.
As alarming as this may be to you, these numbers are overwhelmingly underreported. With less than half the states currently mandated to report su***de statistics and none that collect tertiary statistics such as spouses and children - it remains an unknown toll.
🙏👊🇺🇲✝️
For the Scripture says, "Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame."
Romans 10:11
SHAME IS THE DEVIL'S UNLAWFUL ORDER
I know many of you may have struggled for a very long time. I've know that struggle, and like you I'm all too familiar with that pain. I know that longing in your soul to be free of an invisible prison that has consumed you in every way imaginable, even though you may not even know what you would do with that kind of freedom.
I was imprisoned there for 25 painstakingly long years. And, with enough love, patience, and work on Spiritual resiliency I was finally able to slip off those shackles and simply step outside the door that God had opened for me.
As you know life throws us many curves. So today we're going to try to "find a street called Strait" and hopefully find ourselves a little bit of clarity in what can be some very confusing Spiritual Warfare.
The toughest battle space we will ever encounter: the sixth inches between our ears and the depths of our own hearts.
Whether it's the fog of war, the career ladder, the rat race, running a home, we're all the same - and yet things often get cloudy when we're all moving at the speed of life.
It's time to put your SCUBA gear on, because we're diving deep.
🙏 If I ascend to heaven,
you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol,
you are there!
If I take the wings
of the morning and dwell
in the uttermost parts
of the sea,
even there
your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand
shall hold me.
Psalm 139:8-10
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
You know what? Maybe Jesus HAS forgiven me, but how can I forgive myself?
I don't know what it might be for you; maybe you drank too much one night, maybe you did something you can't undo, maybe you even went hands on with a friend or a loved one.
And for my combat Veterans out there, maybe you even took a life; Many lives. It's okay. Or maybe you were put in the worst case scenario imaginable, and had to even kill an enemy combatant who came in the form of a child. That demon visited me three times on different battlefields around the world.
In war, combatants both know no age and are ageless at the same time. Spiritual Warfare is similar. The Bible tells us that there is nothing new in the world. However it is new to us when it happens for the first time.
Rest assured, that although these will never be the best or healthiest or best ourcomes, please know that you are by no means the first and certainly not the worst. You are not irredeemably lost; and in fact you're only one step away from Salvation.
Maybe it was your teenage years or perhaps your early twenties. Maybe you felt cornered - desperate in the moment, and maybe you made the best decision you thought you could at the time. But somehow you've regretted it ever since.
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
Maybe in the name of your family you did what you thought was best, leaning ever forward into your career - trying to be the best provider that you could. I'm going to be successful for my family.
And then as years go by it seems, there's a slow fade. Maybe you become estranged your own children - or your own family. The grind takes its toll on mind, body, and spirit in some cases. It also takes toll on the family.
Then one day, hopefully sooner than later, you get to a place of awakening. What was I thinking? How did I not see that the most important thing in my life was right in front of me all the time?
I just poured my life into something to provide for that same, most important thing that I was all the time neglecting - those who I was doing it for.
Sound familiar?
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
Or maybe you found yourself in a really odd position in your marriage. Instead of leaning into God and your marriage, maybe you stepped outside of it. Maybe you just can't seem to get over the guilt you feel for betraying your spouse - or of betraying yourself.
Betrayal is a blade that cuts both ways.
Maybe p**n is your particular vice. Maybe you do love God. Maybe you do love your spouse, but for some reason you keep going back because you just can't seem to stop. And the shame and the guilt is overwhelming.
Maybe it's one of a series of family relationships that's gonna astray - man I know this one all too well! There are always consequences, sometimes rearing their ugly heads years, even decades into your healing.
Sometimes when you successfully navigate your way out of the darkness, there are fewer folks waiting than were before. What do you do when the guilt haunts you? The weight from all your shortcomings of your past crushing your hope into despair?
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
If Almighty God Himself can forgive me, then why can't I seem to forgive myself?
Because not all guilt is created equal. Some of you might be living under what's called false guilt. In other words you may be living deceived under the guise of guilt that you don't deserve.
Maybe when you were a kid and your parents got divorced; through that roller coaster of feelings somehow you felt guilty or even responsible for these events...."If I had only...."
This is a false guilt. Another that I know all too well.
Many cultures shame single mothers, the elderly, or the homeless and shame them to the outskirts of society.
We come across a lot of Veterans and First Responders who have one point been betrayed by someone - abusing their power. Maybe it was physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Somehow you were betrayed, at a very deep level. And ironically, that quite often leaves us with a sense of shame.
I might have done something wrong, we tell ourselves. I let my guard down. I allowed myself to get into that situation. I made a bad judgment call.
I, myself was molested as a kid by a neighbor.
You would be shocked at the hundreds and hundreds of Officer's, NCO'S, and of course Junior Enlisted alike as well as first Responders of all ranks that have shared stories of this kind.
These are all lies used by the enemy in the ultimate PSYOP against us from WITHIN!
For me it was somewhat of a schmortgasboard of guilt. And in what I've described is my only "E-4 Mafia moment", where I called my Battalion Command Sergeant Major at home on a Saturday in order to volunteer for Somalia.
But there is a flip side to that scenario. Years later I would find out that in doing so, I inadvertently placed my deployable firefighting team, then one of only 4 deployable 6 - man teams in the Army - OFF LINE - and therefore NON-DEPLOYABLE.
When you're a young troop, they'll often "unleash your HOOAH!" without explaining all the long-term dynamics and effects of said motivation.
BLACKHAWK DOWN
And after that dark Sunday of October 3, 1993 I would feel every ounce of the full weight of that decision; at least everything after the first Blackhawk hitting the deck.
You see, at that time we were one of only 6 deployable firefighting teams in the world - the 91st Engineer Detachment - out of Fort Rucker Alabama - was already at Mogadishu airfield. They were there to protect the air assets coming in-and-out of the airport, including Task Force Ranger being ferried around by Task Force 160 - the Nightstalkers.
But there would be no fire trucks to the rescue this time. The team from Rucker was on mission as a team. I was not. And as the plumes of black smoke rose high into the air that day from not one, but two crashed Blackhawk sites, I felt absolutely helpless.
If I could somehow just get there. I begged. I petitioned my chain of command up to the Swordbase Commander in the span of about ten minutes. Damn the Chain of command, and damn the consequences. I was desperate. All to no avail.
I was the unit armorer. We had plenty of hardware and ammo to get out there...hell, the seat I used in my ISU-90 shipping container was a crate of Mark-19 ammo!
Maybe somehow I could have helped at the crash site. My input was found futile, inconsequential, and was summarily dismissed.
Through a torrent of tears and fiery darts I pleaded. I begged....
And that my friends, is when those demons took hold. I wasn't walking with God back then, and Satan knew it. It was the perfect storm, really; and I was left vulnerable and indefensible in my own ignorance.
Do not buy into the devil's lie of perpetually shaming you with your own guilt.
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
False guilt is based off of lies and produces nothing but negativity. But not all guilt is created equal.
There's another type of guilt, however, that has the potential to draw you closer to God. 2nd Corinthians, Chapter hapter 7 tells us this in verse 10. "Godly sorrow" Scripture says, "brings repentance."
Sorrow is the genuineness deep down that says 'I really wish I hadn't done that.' This is the kind of sorrow produced when you're disappointed in your own character. These are usually pretty "gut check" moments. But that leads to repentance, which then leads to salvation - and it leaves NO REGRET.
That's where He makes beauty from the ashes!
There is another type of guilt, or sorrow, and that is called a worldly sorrow. And it's this worldly type of sorrow that brings death.
Godly sorrow, leads to conviction, repentance, and salvation. God, I've done something that's so not right, and I am so deeply sorry. It's this type of conviction that can be good, even helpful because it can change the trajectory of your life and take you off your self destructive path bringing you to a much better place.
Of this I am living proof!
This is a Godly sorrow that says I don't want to be that person anymore, I don't want to live that life anymore... I don't want to behave that way anymore. I don't want to be that same, angry person anymore... I don't want to keep apologizing my whole life, I want to repent...I want to live in real freedom. I want to experience God's love and grace the way it was intended to be.
But there's a huge difference between a Godly sorrow and a worldly sorrow.
A great example of Godly sorrow is from Peter in the New Testament. I don't know if you can relate to Peter, but I know I sure can!
Peter was a guy who had a lot of great qualities. And then out of nowhere, he would just step on it! Peter was a guy who liked to do things in a big way, so when he stepped on it, he did that pretty big as well. Not to the point we're just he noticed it - but to the point where everybody noticed it.
So Peter's talking to Jesus telling him that he's His "go to" guy, He's trying to assume a leadership role - blah, blah, blah... I'm never going to leave you Lord, not for any reason.
And that's when Jesus doesn't blink and pulls out the divine knife hand in the form of a comment, putting Peter firmly in his place.
Jesus doesn't yell. Jesus doesn't get upset. He simply tells Peter that before the rooster crows, he will deny Him 3 times.
And, cocky as ever, Peter had to be thinking to himself "Not in a million years!" Test me! I'm bulletproof baby! Not gonna happen!
(As a Paratrooper, I can relate to this level of arrogance.)
A little while later Jesus was arrested and Peter was noticed in the crowd. They said, "Hey aren't you one of Jesus's followers?"
And Peter's like, "Who? Me?" ... and dips out of the crowd.
Where's the strong man now? Where's that stiff spine now Peter??
And then a little while later someone else noticed him in the crowd and asked him again if he was one of Jesus his followers.
Peter says "I don't know who you're talking about bro, I wasn't even there!"
And then in Luke chapter 22 verse 59 we learned about a 3rd person who noticed Peter. This is such a key moment right here.
Another person asserted, "Certainly you are one of those Galileans, that walks with Jesus."
FADE TO BLACK
Now I'd like to highlight something here that I think goes unnoticed quite often in scripture, that really makes it personal. Here in verse 61 it hits it's peak - and you guys are gonna feel this, I'm telling you!
In verse 61, the Lord turned and looked at Peter. The moment the rooster crows, Jesus turns and makes eye contact with Peter.
Lord, I am so sorry. This was so foolish. This is a Godly type of sorrow. In the midst of our best intentions we tell ourselves we'll never do that thing again, And then 10 minutes later somehow we find ourselves in the same dilemma. Straight out of the enemy's playbook.
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
I truly love this person with all my heart, and then in an instant ou say something that will bring years of regret. I know. I've been there.
You promise yourself you always, and then you don't. Or that you'll never, and then you do.
Guilty as charged.
Here Paul explains our frail and vulnerable, yet sinful human condition all too well.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7:15-20
God help me! How was I so stupid? How will God ever believe in me after I hurt someone I love in such a significant way?
And it is at that exact moment Satan has you exactly where he wants you. Make no mistake, You're directly in the crosshairs of the dark one - and he is locked on to you.
When you dwell in your shame, he has you in a corner. Through the lens of Warfighter culture - we call this being stuck on the X. The X is the killbox. And you have to get "off the X". There is no other option. If you stay there, you will simply die. Inaction is not an option.
Now there's a difference in a Godly sorrow and a sense of shame that definitely does make it personal. But guilt says that we've done something wrong, that we've done something outside of our own character.
Guilt says I've done something bad. Shame on the other hand, tells you that you're an irredeemably bad person.
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
What's Satan tries to do here is use your actions and tie them to your identity - thus creating a sense of shame that covers your entire life. And it's from this point forward, Satan wants you to believe that you're worthless, useless, that God will never use you again...
These are all lies, I promise you. Every single one of them.
And what you thought, after what you said, You'll never be happy. You'll never be blessed. You'll never measure up. You'll never make it a career. You won't start your own business. You won't go back to school. You're never going to have a great marriage. Your kids are never going to honor you. You're never going to have any kind of meaningful legacy.
And here's my personal favorite which I've heard directly to my face. "Who would want to listen to some guy preach the good news to the veteran community after he almost committed su***de?"
You're always going to be marked because of what you did, said, or we're a part of. More lies. I stand before you al as living proof.
The pain that your experiencing is just payment for your past. You deserve it! All of it! Do not fall for these lies!
Men, all of these negative things that I've just mentioned, I have said to, or about myself at one point or another. I had to dig deep in the vault for some of them, others - not as far back as I'd like... And I know I'm not alone here. Satan can't read your mind, but he can hear your words.
Do not fall for those lies, because iit is in that moment - that is exactly when you start dwelling in your shame, right on the X. Your spiritual enemy has you exactly where he wants you. (Supernatural sniper crosshairs)
If you think about it you can almost imagine what Satan would be whispering in Peter's ear right about that moment... "Dude! You had one job! You are like the worst blue Falcon of all time! Jesus is dead now, and you screwed him over. Your shame is forever! You're the rock! You're the main man! You're the one He was gonna build His ministry on! And you fell short! You disappointed him! You let him down! You failed him! And on top of that, Jesus looked you in the eye while you did it! Everyone's gonna know about this! You'll never have any credibility or standing among the disciples or anyone ever again. Your ministry, your integrity, all are destroyed. You should be ashamed of yourself.
As if some God level KNIFE-HAND is gonna coming down....NO! because Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
What is your spiritual enemy trying to do?
The devil's trying to leverage your shame as a crow bar between you and God.
And after what you did, what you said, how you acted, God will never use you, love you, have a use for you,....again ALL LIES!
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
A Godly sorrow within you should tell you that you have a safe place to turn to. That's the PSYOP here, guys....the feeling in your heart that you do not want to be that which you once were. And God knows that too.
I have a God who loves me and cares for me and still receives me in new mercies every single morning - even though I screw up every single day.
The devil wants to use you to shame you and to keep you away from the presence of God. You'll never be successful, fulfilled, meaningful, anything of consequence in your life. All lies!
I actually believed at one point that I would never have any sort of legacy. But to be completely honest with you the only legacy I would even remotely care to entertain now is how many I can point towards Jesus!
Shame is the Devil's Unlawful Order.
God wants to draw us nearer to his mercy, so that we can experience His grace, thus freeing us of those bonds, of those mental chains that hold us back - and then we're free to do His will in our lives.
Let me draw a parallel here between Peter and Judas. Let's run the scoreboard here. Peter denied Jesus 3 times. Judas betrayed Jesus once,for 30 pieces of silver...so it's not about numbers.
While Peter had a Godly sorrow, Judas had a worldly sorrow. He was embarrassed. He got caught. He was humiliated. He was the ultimate Blue Falcon. He was the guy that gave up the team leader to the enemy for something is insignificant as pocket change.
And then there's Peter, who we know felt a godly sense of sorrow. I'm so saddened by what I've done. God, would you please forgive me!! I would do anything to take it back!
And godly sorrow leads to repentance.
Repentance is basically a change of heart, or a change of direction. I'm sorry God. I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to talk like that anymore. I don't want to treat people like that anymore. I want to live your way. (My way is clearly not working!) I want to finally experience true freedom! And that's what Jesus is my friends, true freedom! I want to be a blessing to others, a voice of love and not of hate.
Jesus went on to give the full measure for our freedom, his life. This of course was much more than just a single life. This was payment for all of our sins for all time. He lived, and died in our place so that we could have the opportunity to live with Him forever.
I don't always feel worthy of that, but I sure am glad he wants me around. Three days later some women went to visit His tomb and found the stone was rolled away. Jesus had of course risen in accordance with his own word - in accordance with the prophecy.
The price of freedom, as you all well know, has always come at the highest of costs - the precious blood of another. That has never changed, and God recognizes that as well. The one who led a perfect and sinless life what's sacrificed in our place. And when He rose from the grave, that divine act of love for his creation, for us, was also fulfilled.
Satan had lost.
And in Chapter 21 of John's gospel, there's a very powerful story about Jesus appearing to Peter - the one who failed him - and some of the other disciples - after his crucifixion, death. and resurrection.
Jesus said to Peter "Do you love me?"
And Peter says of course I love you! Yes Lord! I wanna do what's right! I don't know what got into me!! But yes, please believe me! Yes, I love you!
And let me tell you what Jesus didn't reply with. He didn't say I told you so, he didn't say he wanted Peter to dwell his past, He didn't say you need to wallow in it and He didn't say you need to constantly berate yourself over it.
Jesus didn't go all southern Baptist on him either, telling him that the worms are going to feast on the rotting flesh of his sin-filled co**se.
And then there's the weeping a gnashing of teeth and all..NO - Jesus did not go there!
Instead, he asked him again " Peter, do you love me?" And Peter says, "Yes Lord with everything that I am!" I know I failed you. I know I was stupid. But yes, I do love you.
And so Jesus asked Peter a 3rd time, "Do you love me?" And Peter says "Yes Lord!".
Jesus says, "Then feed my sheep." In other words, do His will. Teach them His will, and finish your mission.
Now that's the story about what happened, but the big picture here is that all of this happened after Jesus died on died on the cross. And Peter, who had no shot at redemption after denying Jesus 3 times before he died - was given that chance to be redeemed.....by being asked 3 times.
Okay, God, I see what you did there! And that gives me hope, and I certainly hope that that gives you hope that no matter what it is, that thing in your past, that relationship that you think is beyond recognition, that action you took, or perhaps an action that you didn't take, in your past.
Leave it there.
I know that burden is heavy. I know it is. But know this: You don't have to confess anything to me, or to any other man, or to anybody - but Jesus.... If you've asked Him for forgiveness, yes, then make no mistake it is forgiven.
It's time for you to let it go. ! Do not wait another year, do not wait another month, do not wait another week, do not wait another moment!
Just give it over to Jesus, and Let. It. Go!
The weight of the burden that I had on my shoulders was killing me. And now all I want to do is to help anyone stay out of this darkness. I'm really tired of losing my friends and my extended family to these demons.
In 1 John 1:9 He tells us that If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
When I bled, He bled. When our tears fell, Jesus wept as well; and there's absolutely nothing we can do to make Him love us less.
Be advised! I am not now, ever have been, nor ever will be - a victim. This world may belong to the devil and he may prowl around like a hungry lion, seeking someone to devour but I will tell you this: When you call on the Lord when you call for close air support when you need it most - He will not ever fail you.
He didn't just stand shoulder to shoulder with me - He carried me. He's not some thoughtless Cosmic Force or the initiator of some Big Bang - He's the creator of the universe and everything within it.
I've neen Kidnapped, nearly impaled, survived a brutal dog attack, faced 2 down 2 PEDO's - (molested by 1), escaped a hit by the mafia, survived bleeding in shark infested waters, beaten, abused, tortured, abandoned and homeless....all by the age of 16.
An Army Career, 3 Combat Tours, A failed marriage, estranged from my children and grandchildren, a su***de attempt, 25 years of shame - and misery for my family and I;.....BUT GOD! He never left me! Always protected me! Never abandoned me! ..... in every foxhole, whether at home or abroad.
Romans 10:11 tells us: “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”
We are fighting the good fight,
We will finish the race, and
We WILL keep the faith!
Love you all,
Ron Breland, and I want to thank you for hearing my heart;
You've got your spiritual chow.
Pass it on to the next Troop
