08/23/2026
My testimony from 2019! Sorry for the length, but very good! Out The Mud Ministries
A few weeks ago Pastor Ryan asked me, why did I join the Army? It's an easy enough answer. Looking back to where I was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona, I see a side of town like here in Kinston. The same side of town, every town in this country has. I joined the military to escape the places that I was going. The places where I already had been. The side of town where the air is harder to breathe. Where the streets don't look as good. Where gang violence and drugs fight for a lead. So in August 2002 I decided to trade one war zone in for another.
And then he asked me a second question, how did I come to know Jesus? I came to know Him in the desert. In the faces of my brothers to my left and right. In the sacrifices of every day men hoping to make a small difference. I came to know Jesus in moments where the devil himself was breathing in my ear. Three times I should have died. And there's no explanation besides that God wasnt finished with me yet.
I was deployed in a 7 year time frame to 4 combat zones. Afghanistan, and Iraq 3 times. Uncommon for soldiers to deploy back to back, my home was 10th MTN DIV at Fort Drum New York, 4th Battalion, 31st Infantry and we were no stranger to uncharted places. During this time I spent a total of 44 months of my life away from real life. 44 months I'll never get back. And memories and loss that I'll never forget.
I want to bring to light 3 unforgettable times that i had looked death in the face and was spared by an unknown entity that no one or no thing could ever explain BUT GOD.
1) June 2004 , prepartion for combat we were conducting training for air missions in helicopters. learning how to mount and dismount in a time of peace or under fire. my team was next to enter the helicopter, when i was stopped in my tracks and was advised we needed to wait so another unit could go due to their belongings being loaded up first. when given an oreder in the military , its best to listen to that order. they loaded up and took off, we waited and waited, word came out the helicopters had crashed and no survivors were present. we had assisted in the recovery at the site, silence as the thoughts lingered , WHY NOT ME.
2) sept 2006 , gear on and waiting for our commander to come out of his office to load up inside the humvees and conduct patrols in our sector. I was on a security detail for the sergeant major and his vehicle. we heard sirens , warning of mortar attack soon hitting our base. i grabbed the sergant major and threw him inside his vehicle and rushed to get myself in and close the door. mortar round landed 10 feet from where we were originally standing, as shrapnel began hitting our vehicle. we stayed back that day to assist with injured soldiers, once again WHY NOT ME.
3} feb 2005 , MOST IN MY FACE OF DELIVERANCE, we recieved a call that an iraq police vehicle was on fire and people were trapped inside. we loaded up as a quick reaction force to assist. we arrived on scene and got out of vehicle to the chaos. i was a radio man for my lutienant and whenever he went i had to be next to his side so i could paint a picture of what was going on in the battlefield at that time. he was a careless leader who lived dangerously. i was told numerous times from many others to stop following his foot steps and let him run off and do his thing. that was not my duty. that day he ran out the truck with the interpretor and i was soon behind him. he ran up to where the truck was burning and i was hot on his trail when i was stopped dead in my tracks by the back of my vest as i heard stop following after him , your gonna get yourself and before the word killed came out , an explosion in front of our eyes as both people laid lifeless in the roadway. i should have been next to my LT but i , once again was spared from the darkness of death. WHY NOT ME.
How do you come back from that? How do you survive the guilt? How do you forget the sounds, and the smells? The simple answer is, you don't? You build upon it. You refuse to allow their sacrifices to be in vain. Just like us, as Christians, we have to refuse to allow the sacrifice that Jesus made for us to be in vain. You see the Enemy means for our struggles to consume us. The devil means for our pain, fear, anxiety, our anger to take away from the power that IS the blood of Jesus. He means to break us so completely that instead of us seeing our blessings and hitting our knees thanking God, we hit our knees in bitterness screaming, "WHY NOT ME?!" Because. Everything that we have survived. You, me, anyone who has ever come out of hell, is meant for something.
So let us not forget the sacrifice. The way God never forgets us. I will end with this. I go to Isaiah 49 in reference to God Knows our names. the passage came at a time of great difficulty in the life of the nation of Israel. israel thought God had forgotten about them. then God says " I have inscribed you on my palms". Do you remember writing something on your palm? you did it to remeber. God did it because he cant forget. how does God right his names on his palms? the gospels tell us, Thomas had not been present when the risen christ had appeared to other disciples. thomas says, "unless i see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, i will not believe it. week later his disciples were in the house again and thomas was present. Jesus came and stood among them and said "peace be with you! then he said to thomas , put your finger here; see my hands. reach out your hand and put it into my side , stop doubting and believe. Jesus was saying Thomas your name is written in my palms , in these nail prints written in my own blood. i havent forgotten about you. for all your friends and family members that was sacrificed selflessly and honorably. God still is leveling mountains, raising highways, making a path safe and level for his people jesus died for us in his heart and with our names engraved by nails as a reminder that regardless of what you have been through or may face that your name is important to God.
