02/11/2016
What now!
“Identity - someone’s name or who they are” is what the Longman dictionary describes ID to be and really that’s what it is. So who am I? Even better who are you? Awkward Last night I was deeply troubled I felt like a jerk unknown to myself and a complete misfit. I found myself laughing uncontrollably last night in a cell group last night - a friend shared she was know as a dancer in her high school years. Its more to act this way when right? Laughing at old times - but she was setting the tone for us to be open and not jerks to each other. I remember looking up to see grins and a few straight faces - man I felt my heart sink. Tried my best to act normal till I went home and sat on my bed and thought about it. Unfold I prayed but i felt bad and dirty and burdened I thought to myself she thinks Im a jerk. What’s worse is I thought everyone can see through me I’m a worthless jerk is what they think of me. This made want to hide under something for ten years - which brought me to this question “who are I?” This brought thoughts of how hard things have been for me the past few years and really my whole life. How I try stay normal pretend alls well but really it is - how lonely my journey is no one is there for me. I realized I’ve been so busy lying to myself I coursed myself internal bleeding. It now began to bleed onto the surface. As a pastor(never call me that you’ll die) I’ve felt obligated not to question my pain or deal with it but be strong. This of course affected my character made me insecure about things and what people think of me cause really that’s what matters when you Lording over your life. What now! “Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:3-4)”. This reminds us God cares about us that he has wants to be involved. Such a beautiful beautiful passage! God wants to help us heal and restore us plus overlap heaven and earth for us. “ Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in a vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. (John 15:4)” Its true isn’t it? We need our creator to breathe life into us and drive us our being and grow in our hearts our purpose and destiny. What’s crazy this is for everyone its always available. So who am I really? Who are you? But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.(1Peter2:9). Follow my blog philjerremias on tumblr.
