18/06/2020
I am that boy who was abused emotionally and rejected by his father from the age of 5. It felt bad to grow up without understanding whether I was a mistake or not, that empty space in me that wanted a father broke me. I would see people with their fathers and I tried to imagine how it will feel like if I had a dad, but I couldn't feel it.
my first day at school- I felt that,
my first walking step- I felt that,
my Matric dance I felt that,
my first day riding a bike I felt it,
my first pay, I felt that.
I was so broken to a level were I don’t dream to be a father because maybe I wouldn't know how to be one. What was shattering me was the fact that I watched him raise his other kids and thought there was something wrong with me. That suffocated my self-esteem, I was an introvert not because it was my character but because I didn't want anyone to get close enough to uncover my broken spirit.
Well...I searched for something to secretly fill the void, it was only later that I realized I wasn't searching for something. In actual fact I was searching for someone- GOD!!!
I TOOK time to find myself again and trust me there were secret su***de attempts in my childhood but God's hand held me, it comforted me. Today I stand as a Man owning up to my actions. I could have ended up toxic and broke every woman I met but that would be duplicating my demons onto someone's Daughter.
Ma gents heal if you realise you are bitter seek help. Don't bleed on someone's Daughter .when you are broken you need help not a woman. brayaka
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