09/06/2026
To my community,
I would like to take a moment, not as someone who has all the answers, but as a pastor, and a human being, to offer a sincere apology.
To everyone who has been hurt, disappointed, let down, judged, ignored, manipulated, or wounded by the church or by church leaders; I am truly sorry.
The reality is that if you have been involved in church long enough, you have probably experienced hurt. And if you have not yet been hurt, disappointed, or let down by a church leader, you probably have not been involved in church for very long.
I have been a pastor for more than 25 years, leading churches from London to Johannesburg and ministering into countless congregations along the way. Other than my wife and my three amazing children, some of the greatest joys of my life have come through the church. (And for the record, my family has disappointed me from time to time too, and I have never considered giving up on them.)
Yet I can also honestly say that some of my deepest hurts have come through the church, often through church leadership. In fact, some of the most painful moments have happened in the past year.
But through every disappointment, every misunderstanding, every betrayal, and every wound, I have never lost faith in the goodness and faithfulness of God. Even when His representatives have misrepresented Him. Even when His ambassadors have reflected more of themselves than of Jesus. Even when leadership has failed spectacularly.
People fail. Jesus does not.
I am not perfect. No church is. No pastor is. No elder is. Only Jesus is.
One of the things I often remind our church is that God calls us to love people; it is His job to change people. Too often we get those roles confused.
When we have a bad experience at a restaurant, we do not swear off eating out forever. When we have one disappointing meal, we do not give up on food altogether. A dodgy steak does not make us become vegetarians, although my vegetarian friends may disagree with that illustration!
In the same way, a painful experience with a church or church leader should not rob you of the possibility of experiencing the life, hope, healing, purpose, and community that God intended for you.
So, to all who have been hurt by the church, I apologise.
Not because I am personally responsible for every hurt, but because I am part of the church. And when one part of the body causes pain, we should care enough to acknowledge it.
As someone who has been hurt, who is overcoming, and who is still being healed, I want you to know that there is another way. Faith does not have to be fake. Community does not have to be controlling. Following Jesus does not have to be reduced to religious ritual.
At Real Life Church, we are not trying to build perfect people. We are simply pursuing a perfect Saviour together.
If any part of this resonates with you, I would be honoured to buy you a coffee and hear your story. No agenda. No pressure. No sales pitch. Just a conversation.
Let's connect.
Let's be real.
Let's live a Real Life.
With sincerity,
Stewart Steven
Lead Pastor
Real Life Church
