05/11/2024
Long post alert.
More around my cancer journey. 🎀
I am sharing around the emotional & mental side of cancer today.
You are not alone! A reality we need to face eventhough physically your body is dealing with so much already. I've never heard about cancer ghosting until I started chatting to women also undergoing either chemo or radiation treatment. Cancer is not only about the internal and external damage that treatment does to your good cells besides killing bad ones. Your main focus daily is doing the basics and dealing with your body not working with you. And it does not stop when the operation and/or treatments are done. The recovery time is long, the body has been through alot and needs to recover. The black nails, radiation burns, chemo port scars, hair loss, weight loss/weight gain. It's a reality that we dealing with after treatment is done. Be kind.
It's having to sadly deal with lots of emotional turmoil;- receiving the diagnosis, processing everything. Pre and post operation emotions. The physical side effects can be manageable to a certain extent eventhough it is so draining & puts a strain on you physically. The emotional highs and lows and mental strain is elevated with hospital bills, extra costs pertaining to travelling to and from treatments. Child care and needing to pay someone to assist with cleaning & shopping. The list is endless.
Things I have heard and others have heard going through cancer treatment :
• Nothing. No messages, no calls, no visits.
• The last time I was free and wanted to visit you said you not up to visitors, so I decided to not visit again.
• How can you do this to your family?
• We need to get to the root of this, is there sin in your life?
• You have so much free time now, I know you busy.
• How do you feel as a woman, with one breast/no breasts?
• Well at least you get to lose weight now, so I won't send snacks.
• I don't like seeing you like this, so will see you when you done with everything.
• I would rather die than deal with chemo, why would you do this to your body?
• I don't do sick people.
• You chose to do radiation/chemo so it's your fault you dealing with side effects.
Remember its not about you, a cancer patient is dealing with alot. Be kind. What to say/do:
• Take the cue from the person undergoing treatment.
• Pray. For the patient and their family.
• Don't assume others are there for the person.
• Send a message, call and visit when it's suitable for the person. And if you don't get an immediate response, please be patient.
• A no does not mean there can't be a next time around visits, coffee dates or calls.
• Telling them they don't have eyebrows, have lost/picked up weight etc does not make them feel better.
• Meal drop offs, snacks or groceries for quick meals help the patient & their family.
• Long visits are draining, keep it short.
• Lifts, Uber vouchers, Uber food vouchers, helping with kids, offering to clean their home, garden or shopping runs. Think practical.
