08/02/2023
I felt led to be transparent about this, in case someone else is struggling with life as much as I am right now. For reasons only God knows, & I doubt you’d want to, I’ve been struggling with more depression, anxiety, & brokenness than I’ve ever felt in my life over the last several years.
I work as a therapist for children with developmental disabilities & serve in ministry, so loving people & loving God are both a part of my everyday life. I experience great joy when God is loving others through me; however, once I’m alone again, I slip back into my own personal darkness/emptiness.
I just woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety, which has become normal. I immediately took my medicine, which for me is listening to praise & worship music on YouTube; something I’ve done hundreds of times to get through painful/difficult times. It always brings me peace, but this time was indescribable.
God drew me closer to Himself than I’ve felt in a long time; maybe ever. I couldn’t stop weeping; not a “sad” weeping, but more of an “I’m grateful God still loves me” weeping. If you’ve experienced it, you know what I mean. I felt a soul-crushing brokenness while simultaneously experiencing God’s love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.
Words are failing me to describe it. Suffice it to say, He allowed me to experience His presence in a powerful way again. I already "know" this, but God allowed me “to feel” He still has a plan for me, He still loves me despite how often I fail Him, & that nothing I do could ever change that. I’m His…Forever.
