10/21/2026
Is That a Fact or Is That the Story?
A supervisor says, “I need stronger communication from you.” Before the conversation ends, your mind may translate it into, “They think I am incompetent. My job is in danger. I am not respected.” The feedback was one sentence. The emotional story became an entire movie.
High-performing leaders are not emotionless. They learn to recognize when emotion is writing a conclusion that the facts have not supported. Here is a practical reset I teach:
Pause. Breathe. "The Five-Second Rule." Question the story. Choose your response. Start with this sentence: “The story I am telling myself is...” Then ask, “Is that a fact, or is that the story?” This does not dismiss your instincts or excuse poor treatment. It slows the reaction long enough to separate what happened from what you assumed.
Next, ask a clarifying question: “Can you help me understand what stronger communication would look like?” That question moves you from defensiveness to useful information.
For men who have experienced rejection, instability, or criticism early in life, present-day feedback can activate an old alarm. Many men don't realize they're triggered until after the fact. Emotional intelligence allows us to honor what we feel without handing every feeling the microphone.
Try the reset during your next difficult conversation. Write down the facts, name the story, and choose the response that reflects the leader you are becoming.
Inside Reach Ministries offers faith-informed as well as evidence-based tools that strengthen men, leaders, and families. Invite me to facilitate this conversation for your company, church, or leadership group at insidereachministries.org. You can also set up a discovery call here:
https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/bookings/taiwan-simmons-personal-calendar-x5pyfconf0
