08/21/2025
๐ ๐ฒ๐ป ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ป๐ . . . ๐๐ป๐๐ถ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐
Thereโs a โbikini baristaโ coffee hut just down the street from my office. There are always cars (pick-up trucks, to be precise) in the drive-thru. Sometimes I wonder what would compel a girl to work such a job. But Iโm more curious about the men who pull into the establishment, guilelessly announcing to everyone else on Edison Street, ๐ ๐ฆ๐ด, ๐โ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐโ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ด๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ.
If men wanted to see women wearing less clothes than normal, why not find a more private way to do it?
I didnโt understand . . . until I read the reviews. Hereโs a sample:
โThe gals working the drive through were super sweet.โ
โSmall talk is always good to start the morning.โ
โThe girls are friendly and engage in conversation.โ
โFrom the moment I walked in, she greeted me with a warm smile and made me feel welcome.โ
Very few of the reviews said anything about the coffee shopโs overtly s*xual nature. Almost all were about the customer service, the conversation, how patrons felt like the baristas genuinely cared.
A hunger for connection seems to be driving this business even more than the NSFW attire.
And yet, I doubt men would pay $10 for a coffee if the baristas were friendly and chatty but fully clothed. The point is that theyโre kind, attentive, and welcoming while also wearing lingerie.
Every man in that drive-thru has access to a world of po*******hy on his phone. And he could see the same amount of skin by going to his local gym or swimming pool. Whatโs he gaining in this interaction? Why risk looking like a pervert to everyone else on the street?
Itโs this: ๐๐ฆ๐น ๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐ค๐บ.
๐๐๐ฑ ๐๐ฌ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐๐๐ฒ
โBeing intimateโ is a common euphemism for s*x. It carries shades of the biblical phrase of a husband โknowingโ his wife (e.g., Gen. 4:1). And it touches on one of the most profound aspects of s*x: itโs about connection with a ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ. You can create intimacy in a relationship in many different ways, but it all revolves around this idea that you let someone inโyou share your time, ambitions, fears, quirks, memories, flaws, and jokes. A guard drops, and this person gets to experience you in a way that others donโt.
S*x is the physical expression of that holistic intimacy. Having s*x isnโt a handshake; itโs something you reserve for the most intimate of all relationships. Thus, it presumes exclusivity, commitment, and love. Or, to use the Scripture's words, it presumes ๐ค๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต. Tim Keller explains,
S*x is perhaps the most powerful God-created way to help you give your entire self to another human being. S*x is Godโs appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, โI belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.โ You must not use s*x to say anything less. So, according to the Bible, a covenant is necessary for s*x.
But what happens when you try to pluck the s*xual act out of that setting of relationship, commitment, and exclusivity? When s*x is no longer about intimacy but about raw, sensate pleasure? S*x is diminished. Itโs downgraded. Itโs ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ. To use C. S. Lewisโs evocative image in ๐๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐๐ฉ๐ณ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ข๐ฏ๐ช๐ต๐บ, itโs like chewing food but then spitting it out. You get a taste but lack all the nourishment.
To reduce s*x to a merely physical act is to miss its meaning entirely. Paul notes in 1 Corinthians 6:16 that even immoral perversions of s*xโsuch as sleeping with a prostituteโcannot escape the fundamentally unitive, one-flesh nature of s*x. You can minimize s*x to justify it, but by Godโs design, this physical act has unavoidably spiritual and emotional dimensions. If you're trying to have an "it's just s*x" relationship with someone, you have to talk yourself out of the natural pull toward commitment. S*x draws you toward intimacy and whole-person unity.
Unless, tragically, you get really good at chewing the food and spitting it out.
In time, the "it's just s*x" perspective bends s*x into what it means to you as the individual: ๐๐ฆ๐น ๐ช๐ด ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง, ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ค๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ถ๐ณ๐จ๐ฆ๐ด, ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต. I could give lots of good replies to this as a pastor. But one of the simplest and most intuitive is this: S*x thatโs only about you is never as good as s*x thatโs about another. S*x is meant to be an expression of commitment and love. Removed from commitment, from intimacy, from relationship, s*x loses its beauty and much of its pleasure.
๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐๐ง ๐๐๐ง๐ญ
Few forces today have worked more militantly against this fully orbed view of s*x than po*******hy. In the world of p**n, men and women are baptized into the "it's just s*x" worldview.
Still, Iโm convinced from my ministry and counseling experience that the reason most men seek out po*******hy isnโt to see a certain kind of body or s*xual act. In time, they may become so bent by the gratuitous nature of what they see that they crave the perverse for perversityโs sake. But this isn't what first draws them. Theyโre looking for the face of a woman who looks back at them and says, โI desire you. I want to give myself to you in a way I donโt give myself to anyone else.โ
Theyโre craving intimacy.
This is what the men overpaying for poor-quality coffee seek: a pretty girl whoโll look them in the eyes and laugh and ask them how they're doing, even if she stops laughing the second the truck pulls away. Itโs a pantomime experience of intimacy. Because the girls are sc****ly clad, they're already communicating to these men, ๐โ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ง๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฎ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ด๐ฆ. Even though, of course, theyโre offering it to everyone else in the drive-thru. Itโs a fantasy that lonely men, starved for true intimacy, will let themselves believe.
In a world where men have fewer friends and are generally lonelier than ever, it can be nice to just have a girl who talks to you. This is part of why OnlyFans has exploded in popularity: It takes traditional po*******hy and gives it a personalized, relational twist. Users get the illusion of a more intimate, two-way relationship rather than a one-way, voyeuristic peep show.
Companies like OnlyFans have figured out what Ho***rs and the bikini barista coffee hut already knew: Men will pay a lot of money for faux intimacy from pretty girls. Now, tech companies are investing in the same thingโdeveloping AI technologies to offer โAI companionsโ that simulate the intimacy of a romantic relationship (see the 2013 movie ๐๐ฆ๐ณ to glimpse the future weโre entering).
All these examples illustrate the reality that s*x is fundamentally tied to a desire for intimacy.
Many men aren't just confused about where to find intimacyโthey're unwilling to pay what it costs, too. True intimacy demands vulnerability and the real risk of rejection or disappointment. Faux intimacy offers the dopamine hit of feeling desired without requiring any of these costly investments. The bikini barista customer gets to feel wanted for 30 seconds without having to work through conflict or show up when it's inconvenient. He gets the intimacy without the price tag, which is ultimately why it's also intimacy without the payoff.
Men: p**n, lust, and faux intimacy will never give you what youโre looking for. Itโs a farce that always leaves you diminished afterward because it doesnโt contain the object you truly desire. You long to be known and loved. Thatโs to be found penultimately in knowing and loving a wife, and ultimately in knowing and loving your Lord.
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๐ ๐ฒ๐ป ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ป๐ . . . ๐๐ป๐๐ถ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ by Marc Sims.
