06/03/2026
“How to Deal with a Toxic Mother in God’s Way”
“How to Deal with a Toxic Mother in God’s Way” - What do you do when the woman who should nurture and support you is the source of your pain?
The mother-child relationship can be complicated. All mothers make mistakes. Perhaps mistakes and character flaws are two different things.
A mother can become toxic to her child when her troublesome behavior becomes so deeply ingrained that she doesn’t even realize the harm she’s causing. Toxic mothers have a way of never assuming responsibility, always putting all blame on others, and manipulating.
When this happens, even adult children are left terribly confused. They want so much to believe that their mothers are loving and nurturing, but what they get instead is an onslaught of accusations that leave them feeling devastated without being able to truly pinpoint why.
If a mother does any of these following things regularly, it suggests her behavior is toxic:
* Disregarding of your feelings and needs
* Emotionally unavailable
* Emotionally blackmailing
* Controlling
* Critical
* Comparing you to others
* Disrespectful of your boundaries
* Manipulative
* Often playing the victim
* Self-centered
* Unapologetic
* Blaming
* Attacking
* Obsessed with putting on a good front
What do you do when you want to love your mother, but her toxic behavior is leaving you in desperate need of an antidote?
When you are in doubt, you can look to the Bible. It teaches us many things, including 5 ways to deal with a toxic mother:
#1. Grieve The Loss
“But she’s still alive,” you say. That may be true, but death is only one form of loss.
Many people with toxic mothers need to grieve the loss of a loving relationship with their mother, as it will likely never be.
Expecting it to change will likely only bring further heartache. I realize this can be painful to admit, but God is close to the broken hearted: “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.” (Psalm 27:10)
#2. Forgive
Whether your mother knows her behavior is toxic or not, forgiveness is not for her, but it’s for you.
First, it keeps you in God’s will. Secondly, it releases you from carrying the burden.
If Jesus could forgive people He didn’t know for something so horrific as nailing Him to a cross, we too can forgive others for their toxic behavior.
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34a)
Just remember, you forgive her but you do not need to trust her. You can forgive and still have boundaries.
#3. Get Healing
Your mother’s toxic behavior is not a reflection of you. Even though it may have left you with deep emotional wounds, it shouldn’t define you.
Your identity should be in Christ, not in the unrealistic expectation of others. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10)
#4. Set Realistic Expectations
During your healing journey, you will likely get healthier but this does not mean that your mother will change.
Be prayerful that she does, but the Bible says in Proverbs 13:12a, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
When someone shows you who they are, you would be wise to believe them. Pray that she is open to allowing God to change her, but in the mean time, don’t expect her behavior to change overnight.
If there’s been no repentance, there will be no change.
#5. Set Boundaries
Boundaries indicate where one person ends and the other begins. The fact that this woman is your mother does not give her the right to overstep your boundaries.
Boundaries will look different for each person. For some, learning how to declare their needs is all that is needed. For others, there may be forms of consequences or even avoidance.
The Bible is clearly stated in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This means you are responsible to do your part and let God do the rest. Amen 🙏
