09/06/2026
"Owe only love"
“If you see somebody without a smile, give them one of yours.”
Anybody know who said that?
Dolly.
Of course it was Dolly Parton.
We have been hearing a lot about Dolly lately, and I have to admit, I was never the world’s most ardent Dolly Parton fan. But I have found myself rather taken with her.
Because when you listen to all those interviews, all those comments over all those years, there is something remarkably consistent about the woman.
When something was bad, she didn’t spend a lot of time blaming people.
She talked about what was good.
What was worth doing.
What kind of person you might want to become.
And you can hear that and think, well, that’s a little milquetoast.
A little wimpy.
A little too nice.
Fine.
But imagine a world in which people spent a little less time berating one another for their vices and a little more time encouraging one another toward virtue.
Would that be such a terrible thing?
Because most of us already know what is wrong with us.
Don’t we?
I mean, do any of us really need somebody following us around all day pointing it out?
Some of us might have a few vices we haven’t quite gotten under control.
Besides me.
So maybe there is something to this.
“If you see somebody without a smile, give them one of yours.”
Now notice something.
There is no denial in that sentence.
The person does not have a smile.
You can see that.
Something is wrong.
They’re unhappy. They’re miserable. They’re having a rotten day.
You are not pretending otherwise.
But neither are you saying, “What is wrong with that miserable person?”
You don’t know.
You give them a smile.
And most of us have had the experience, haven’t we, that sometimes a smile, a kind word, some small gesture of generosity can change the atmosphere?
Not always.
Some people are committed to their misery.
We have met them too.
But the virtue is in what you do.
And that brings me to something I think is a genuine Christian discipline.
The benefit of the doubt.
Now, Christians sometimes get a little nervous about doubt.
We’re supposed to know things.
Know the Bible.
Know the doctrine.
Know what God wants.
Know what is right.
And, apparently, know exactly when everybody else is doing it wrong.
But Jesus himself begins our Gospel lesson by saying, “If your brother or sister sins against you…”
So obviously we are not being told that bad conduct isn’t real.
It is real.
People do rotten things.
They hurt one another.
They betray one another.
They lie.
They behave selfishly.
Sometimes people really are wrong.
That’s life.
But when somebody does something rotten to you, let me ask you a question.
Do you know their motive?
Do you?
Think about that.
You know what they did.
You may know very clearly what they did.
But do you know why?
There is this old psychological observation that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and everybody else by their actions.
And there is a reason for that.
I know my intentions.
Or at least I have some access to them.
You don’t.
And I don’t know yours.
I can guess.
I’m an analyst. I’ve been trained for years to make educated guesses about these things.
And even then, I don’t know.
Maybe somebody didn’t sleep last night.
Maybe their dog died.
Maybe they grew up with a terrible example.
Maybe they are frightened.
Maybe they are caught up in an addiction.
Maybe they are ashamed.
Maybe they really are being selfish.
Maybe they really do mean harm.
There are a thousand possibilities.
Do you know?
Usually you don’t.
And the Christian discipline is to give the most generous interpretation we reasonably can without pretending that what happened didn’t happen.
That last part matters.
Benefit of the doubt is not denial.
It is not avoidance.
It is not saying evil is good.
It is saying: I know what you did.
I may have to respond to what you did.
But I do not know everything that is happening inside you.
And therefore I will be very careful about judging who you are.
That is hard.
Isn’t it?
Contempt is easy.
Love is the discipline.
Paul says in Romans, “Owe no one anything, except to love one another.”
What do we owe them?
Love.
One word.
Love.
Now Paul was not sentimental about human beings.
Read his letters.
Half the time he is telling churches to cut something out.
Paul knew people could behave terribly.
Jesus knew people could behave terribly.
The Gospel today is entirely about what you do when somebody behaves terribly.
So Christian love is not pretending.
It is not being a doormat.
It is not refusing consequences.
Look at what Jesus says.
If somebody sins against you, what do you do first?
Do you go tell everybody else?
Do you call Grandma and say, “Have you heard what Joanie did?”
No.
Don’t talk about people.
Talk to people.
You go to the person.
You talk to them.
Now, they may not listen.
Jesus is realistic about that too.
So you bring one or two others.
Why?
Because maybe I’m wrong.
That possibility does occur.
Maybe I have overreacted.
Maybe the other person is defensive.
Maybe somebody with a little distance can help us see what is actually happening.
And if that doesn’t work, Jesus says bring it to the church.
Bring it into the wider community.
Let the community help establish what is right.
And eventually, Jesus says, if the person will not listen, treat that person as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Now that sounds pretty severe.
And it is.
There are consequences to separating yourself from community.
There are consequences to refusing relationship.
There are consequences to bad conduct.
But before anybody turns that verse into permission for contempt, we need to ask a very obvious question.
How did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors?
How?
He ate with them.
He talked with them.
He healed them.
He cared for them.
He loved them.
So whatever “treat them as a Gentile and a tax collector” means, it cannot mean, “Now you have permission to despise them.”
Jesus gives us no license for contempt.
None.
You may have to establish a boundary.
You may have to say, “You cannot continue doing this.”
There may be consequences.
Sometimes those consequences may be serious.
There are judges and parents and teachers and employers who have to judge conduct every day.
That is part of life.
But the focus remains on what the person did.
Not on the deepest truth of who the person is.
Because that is where we so easily cross the line.
We go from:
“That was cruel.”
to:
“You are cruel.”
From:
“That was dishonest.”
to:
“You are a liar.”
From:
“You did something wrong.”
to:
“You are bad.”
And once we have done that, contempt becomes very easy.
We think we know the person.
We think we have looked into their soul.
Have we?
No.
Whose job is it to judge the person?
God’s.
We stay in our lane.
Jesus has already dealt with the sin of the world.
It is not my job to determine the condition of my neighbor’s soul.
And if we are telling the truth, I don’t have a window into your soul anyway.
I may think I do.
I don’t.
My job is something else.
My job is to love in you what God loves in you.
And sometimes that is hard to see.
Isn’t it?
Suppose somebody is arrogant.
Self-absorbed.
Narcissistic.
Mean.
Suppose they have done something you deeply disapprove of.
Can it be hard to see what God loves in that person?
Of course it can.
That is precisely why love is a discipline.
We are not being asked to pretend the failure didn’t happen.
We are being asked to love the person without confusing the person with the failure.
And that applies to ourselves too.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
You do not love yourself by pretending you never fail.
You love yourself by telling the truth about your failure without deciding that your failure is the whole truth about you.
And then you extend the same mercy to the other person.
That is the debt.
That is what Paul says we owe.
Love.
And we do not carry that debt because everybody deserves our approval.
We carry it because mercy came to us first.
Christ did not wait for us to become admirable before loving us.
And so the mercy we received becomes the mercy we owe.
And I think this matters enormously right now.
We live in a world soaked in contempt.
We know remarkably little about one another, and sometimes pronounce remarkably large judgments.
A comment.
A mistake.
Something somebody did ten years ago.
And suddenly we think we know who that person is.
We don’t.
We may know something they did.
That’s different.
You can find contempt in about thirty seconds on Facebook.
You can find it in the newspaper.
You can find it in politics.
You can find it in families.
You can find it in churches.
We take disagreements that ought not destroy fellowship and turn them into reasons to despise one another.
And the acrimony is poisonous.
Absolutely poisonous.
Now, I cannot control whether somebody else despises me.
I cannot control whether somebody else behaves badly.
But I can practice the benefit of the doubt.
I can refuse to pretend that I know another person’s soul.
I can confront what is wrong without converting another human being into the wrong they have done.
And I can refuse contempt.
That is Christian work.
And it is work.
Which brings me back to Dolly.
Another one of her lines:
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
I like that.
Because who are you?
Who are you as a Christian?
You are somebody who owes a debt of love.
That is part of who you are.
You have your own gifts.
Your own circumstances.
Your own vocation.
Your own failures.
Your own particular need for mercy.
The person sitting next to you has different gifts.
Different struggles.
Different opportunities.
So our lives will not all look the same.
They shouldn’t.
But we share this.
We are people who have been loved.
People who have received mercy.
People who have had debts forgiven.
And therefore we carry something into the world.
We carry the burden of love.
And I use that word deliberately.
Burden.
Because love is not always easy.
Contempt is easy.
Writing somebody off is easy.
Deciding you know exactly what kind of person somebody is—that is easy.
Love is harder.
Love says, “What you did was wrong.”
Love says, “There may be consequences.”
Love says, “I may need distance.”
Love may even say, “No more.”
But love still refuses to say, “You are beneath my humanity.”
Because you are not.
You are still somebody whom God sees.
Still somebody whom God knows better than I do.
Still somebody for whom Christ came.
And so sometimes the most loving thing we can do is very small.
Give somebody who doesn’t have a smile one of ours.
Sometimes love means telling somebody the truth privately.
Sometimes it means setting a boundary.
Sometimes it means applying consequences with care.
Sometimes all we can do is face an offender without forgetting their humanity.
That is not sentimental.
That is demanding.
That is the burden.
And strange as it sounds, I think that is also where we find our better selves.
So pray.
Search your conscience.
Find out who you are.
Find out what God has given you to do.
And then do it on purpose.
And whatever else your particular calling may be, remember what you owe.
Not contempt.
Not judgment of the soul.
Not hatred.
Love.
The debt remains.
And by the grace of God, we carry it.
Amen.
Holy Communion
In the service of the Lord’s Day
15th Sunday after Pentecost
6 September 2026
Community Church of Syosset
Sentences Romans 13:8-14 Live honorably as in the day
Owe no one anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "You shall not commit adultery; you shall not murder; you shall not steal; you shall not covet," and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law. Besides this, you know what time it is, how it is already the moment for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we became believers; the night is far gone; the day is near. Let us then throw off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; let us walk decently as in the day, not in reveling and drunkenness, not in illicit s*x and licentiousness, not in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
r: Praise God! Alleluia!
Prelude, Bells & Introit
Call to Worship Psalm 103 selected verses
v: Bless the LORD, O my soul,
r: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
v: Bless the LORD, O my soul,
r: who forgives all your iniquity,
v: who redeems your life,
r: who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
v: who satisfies you with good as long as you live
r: so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
v: The LORD works vindication
r: and justice for all who are oppressed.
v: The LORD is merciful and gracious,
r: slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
v: He does not deal with us according to our sins,
r: nor repay us according to our iniquities.
v: For as the heavens are high above the earth,
r: so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
v: As a father has compassion for his children,
r: so the LORD has compassion for those who fear him.
v: Let us worship God!
Song “I Then Shall Live” vs 1
Welcome (Deut 6:4-5, Matt 22:39, Micah 6:8, UCC)
v: Hear, O Children of God: “The Lord is our God,
r: the Lord alone.
v: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
r: and with all your soul, and with all your might.”
v: “You shall love your neighbor
r: as yourself”
v: “and what does the Lord require of you
r: but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?”
v: No matter who you are or where you are on life's journey,
r: you are welcome here.
Invocation (UCC)
v: God of freedom,
r: you brought your people out of slavery with a mighty hand.
v: Deliver us from our captivity to pride
r: and indifference to the needs and gifts of others,
v: that we may be ready to love as you have loved us,
r: and to give even as we have received.
v: And God’s People say;
r: Amen
Prayer for Mercy, Reconciliation and Conversion
v: Out of the depths I cry to you,
r: O LORD; Lord, hear my voice!
v: O let your ears be attentive
r: to the sound of my pleadings.
v: With the Lord there is mercy
r: and fullness of redemption.
v: If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,
r: Lord, who could stand?
v: But with you is found forgiveness,
r: that you may be revered.
v: With the Lord there is mercy
r: and fullness of redemption.
v: I long for you, O LORD,
r: my soul longs for his word.
v: My soul hopes in the Lord
r: more than watchmen for daybreak.
v: With the Lord there is mercy
r: and fullness of redemption.
Silent Prayers of Confession
Assurance of Pardon
v: Friends, believe and proclaim the Good News:
r: In Jesus Christ – Love breaks through hatred,
v: Hope breaks through despair, Life breaks through death.
r: We are forgiven, loved, and set free.
v: And God’s People say
r: Alleluia, thanks be to God, Amen,
Musical offering
Lesson: Matthew 18:15-20
v "If your brother and sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If you are listened to, you have regained that one.
r But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
v If that person refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a gentile and a tax collector.
r Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
v Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
r For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them."
Sermon: “Owe only love” Pastor Parkinson
Song “O Master, let me walk with Thee” vs 1,3,4 602
Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper
Prayers of the People & Invitation to the Table
Friends, this is the joyful feast of the people of God! This is the table of company with Jesus and with all those who love God. So come to this table, you who have much faith and you would like to have more. It is Christ who invites us to meet him here.
Prayer of Thanksgiving
Let us pray. Gracious and loving God, we offer our praise for the gift of a world full of wonder; for all life springs from you. We give our thanks for Jesus, the gift from Nazareth to all the world. He brought good news to the poor, the hungry and those who weep. He showed us how to see heaven through the eyes of a child. He taught us that everyone who asks receives, everyone who seeks finds, and that for all who knock, the door will be opened. We celebrate the joyful presence of heaven, as Jesus has taught us, right here in our midst: the hidden treasure found in a field, the tiny mustard seed and the small piece of leaven, the prodigal returned, and the lost sheep carried home by the shepherd.
Help us to grow in awareness and compassion so that we would remove the timber from our own eye before the splinter in the eye of our friend, Give us grace to love our enemies and find forgiveness in our forgiving. That we may live anew in the presence of heaven and never fret again about life, but grow instead like the lilies, decked out in glory.
r: Glory to you for ever and ever!
Words of Institution
v: On the night before his death, Jesus gathered around the table with friends, took bread, blessed it and broke it. Together we say what Jesus said:
r: “This is my body, given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”
v: After the supper he took a cup of wine.
Together we say what Jesus said,
r: “This is the cup of the new covenant”
v: that covenant is the cup of a new and right relationship with God offered through Christ’s life and love.
Together we say as Jesus said;
r: “Whenever you drink it, do so, in remembrance of me.”
v: Friends, the gifts of God for the people of God.
Sharing of the Elements
v: “The bread of life, eat it and remember Christ.”
r: “I remember, amen.”
v: “The cup of salvation, drink it and remember Christ.”
r: “I remember, amen.”
Prayer of Dismissal from the Table
Christ Jesus, you have put your life into our hands; now we put our lives into yours. Take us, renew and remake us. What we have been is past; what we shall be through you, still awaits us. Lead us and guide us and build with us the Kingdom of your father and our father. Shepherd us in the Kingdom for which you taught us to pray.
Prayer of the Savior (unison)
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.
Song “I Then Shall Live” vs 2&3
Benediction
v: May the Lord bless you and keep you,
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace
And God’s People say:
r: Amen! Alleluia! Amen!
Bells & Postlude
“Owe only love” Holy CommunionIn the service of the Lord’s Day1...
