06/27/2024
Shared by my niece upon the death of her brother:
A few years ago, I gave unsolicited advice - three short sentences. If you've ever been through grief, perhaps you'll understand them, although the words seem strange on the surface. This is what I said:
Don't be brave.
Don't be strong.
Don't be silent.
You don't have to be brave today. You don't have to pretend that you aren't scared and freaked out and worried about tomorrow. Those feelings are real and believe me, there's really no hiding them. God knows anyway. You make way for truth when you quit pretending. That's when He starts working.
You don't have to be strong today. Be weak. Go ahead. Soak in it. Admitting that you aren't strong enough to handle this is the first step towards getting your life back. Be a big baby, climb in your Daddy's lap, curl up and cry. Those great big hands that can measure the expanse of the sky can dry your tears. It's both frightening and exhilarating to realize that God doesn't need your strength, but he treasures your weakest moments.
You don't have to be silent today. There's no dignity in doing without. Do you need a hug? Tell me. Do you want silence? Let me know. Do you need to laugh? I'm all over it. Do you need to wail and cry and maybe even scream? Let me have it. And when you can't find the words to tell me what you need... Just say that. I'll help you figure it out. The thing with true friendship is this: you can say anything or nothing and I'll still hold your hand and walk beside you.
When you are grieving, the world is not better if you are brave, or strong, or silent. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You don't have to be a rock. Today... you can be a sponge. Today you can be wrung out and refilled. Maybe not forever, but for today.
Whoever you are, wherever you are - you are loved. Let someone hold you, comfort you, speak for you. That's what love does.
I hope and pray you are not mourning. But if you are, just for tonight... Don't be brave. Don't be strong. Don't be silent.
For today... Just be.