09/29/2020
I haven't really posted much at all lately, and most of that was due to my own personal struggle as I came to terms with the all too sudden passing of my mother, Annette.
My mother, much like myself, chose to walk this world at her own stride. She was opinionated, outspoken and had a knack for diving headlong into a situation - especially if she thought that she could help someone else.
While she would admit that she sometimes felt like an outcast among her family, she loved her brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, children (she never agreed with that whole 'step' family thing - family is family, period.) grandkids, great nieces, and great nephews with her whole heart and soul. And, having spent a good 30 years away from the mountains, I confess that I, too, feel a bit of an outcast at times in regards to our family. I can even confess that once in a while the seed of bitterness tries desperately to grow into something more than a passing thought. But, the end of the day - they're family and I do love them dearly. - even on the days when I face the temptation of speaking more harshly to them than I should.
one of the biggest reasons I chose to complete my ordination, and file my ministerial license was because I saw where there needed to be change. I saw too many people being denied ministerial services for the wrong reasons.
"You don't attend Church Services regularly."
"I don't personally agree with your lifestyle"
"You were a soldier, you saw combat and took the life of another human being..."
"You have a reputation for being a drinker"
"You came to church in jeans and a t-shirt"
"You were seen keeping time with people who have a bad reputation"
"You don't subscribe to the same doctrine as I do"
Folks, let me share a little something here - The Clergy - are supposed to be servants of the community, not the other way around. I can certainly understand and respect a person who is faced with a moral or ethical challenge suggesting that they may not be the best suited person to address the spiritual or ministerial needs of a person, but to turn them away completely is so very, very wrong.
I have "rules" as far as what services I can offer someone and what I expect of them in regards to behavior and such while in my company, but I will still try my hardest to help someone before I step back. There are people here in Spencer, whose company I would prefer not to seek out, but I wouldn't turn them away if I were genuinely able to help them. But, you see - I genuinely see it as my responsibility as long as I am a practicing minister here to do my best to serve my community whenever I can. I'm not a wealthy man by any measure of worldly goods, but I am fortunate and I do have more than some. I share my life with my best friend and our son (even on the days when I might look for a reason to be in a different part of the house or even a different part of town than she is). We don't always see eye to eye to say the least, there's a ten year gap in our ages and a lifetime of difference in lives that made us who we are, but I'd defend her and our son with my dying breath and very likely do very un-ministerlike things to someone who meant to bring them harm.
I made my living for many, many years engaging in a profession where violence was a constant hazard, and I jumped headlong into a good many fights that weren't my own, simply because I was better suited for it than the one I was defending. I've got more scars decorating my skin than a patchwork quilt and I'm ok with it - the way I see it, almost every scar I carry is one less that someone else didn't have to and the violence I sometimes engaged in, was for a just a honorable reason.
I've enjoyed a little taste of minor celebrity thanks to the books I wrote. Enjoyed a hard earned reputation of being one of the better ones in my profession as a private security contractor and, in 40 years on this earth, I have NEVER thrown the first blow in a fight.
I've overcome and adapted to most of the health issues caused by frontal and temporal lobe damage. I've lived through injuries that would have left most to answer to their final judgement and I've had the great privilege of seeing people who trained alongside me or under me advance to great levels professionally.
I've been divorced twice, I'm sure they'll both tell you I wasn't a saint - and they'd be right. But, I prefer to see those situations as very much a prime example of 2 Corinthians 6:14
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For What partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"
In my case, I can tell you - one or the other will have to change to find any balance and trust me folks, you don't want to see what that can do to you physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally. When My first two marriages began to deteriorate, at first I tried to hold the crumbling pieces together... then, I started making poorer and poorer personal choices. I bear an equal burden of guilt in those marriages failing. I will never hide that fact. Not from myself, not from you, not from them, not from my kids. I'm trodding a different path now, though I still maintain my professional certifications and I still carry my firearm - yes, even whilst wearing my vestments.
But, think back nearly a decade ago to a young man asking me what it took to be successful in public safety and private security and the advice I offered him
A hunger for truth and wisdom to rival that of Solomon.
A humble patience and unwavering strength of conviction to rival that of Job.
A fearless faith not unlike that of of David when he faced Goliath.
A quiet rage that can give all the demons of Hell reason to pause.
And most importantly: The grace to know which one the test before you needs.
The older I get, the more I realize that it's not just professionally where those traits come in handy...
