04/26/2026
A Devotion I really wish I had never been able to write.
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
First, some background information, I thought my talking on Tuesday aggravated my trigeminal neuralgia, but it seems the problem was a growing abscess in one of my molars. After almost a week in absolute agony, the infection moved into my neck, causing it to look swollen on Saturday. I went to the ER, then transferred to a Methodist in Indianapolis, an hour away, where this morning, at 4 am, I had the abscess drained. I'm recovering from oral surgery, and then I will have to have the tooth removed, also painfully. To make things more challenging, I have a severe sore throat and am having issues swallowing due to the other pain.
This passage in Psalm 22 and then from the cross, is somewhat controversial. Some see it as a declaration that the Messianic Psalm refers to him. Others see this as Christ's humanity calling out to God, " Why? " I'm not always going with those, but see this as both. Now, unfortunately, I have the personal experience to understand it. Before Saturday, I was in my room and crying out to God, " Have mercy. God have mercy." I did this through a mouth I could barely open for I don't know how long. The pain caused me to shake as I sat on the edge of my bed, nearly weeping. As I was crying out, the thought entered my mind would you do anything for this to stop? I said yes, but then I remembered my own preaching; those are annoying sometimes, that at times our suffering is for a greater purpose. Would I have done, I thought, anything to feel better? Now I remembered there were reasons in this world I should want to endure. I changed my plea to, "Have mercy, or give me strength to endure."(I have also preached on that boy, my pastor, myself is annoying). The pain didn't magically get better, and as you read, it got even crazier. Even now, I had to pause writing first due to the pain of oral surgery and then, as I felt the fear of being there. At one point on Saturday, I broke out in a cold sweat, as I had never had one, as the nurse was digging into my hand for the third time to set an IV, and that wasn't the worst, but back to the subject. Once I remembered that there are reasons (those that don't God will work for good, but more on that in another devotion), I still cried out in my heart, "God, where are you?" but at the same time I was calling on the strength to endure in case this was what was needed.
I believe this was Jesus on the cross, both experiencing humanity, yet trusting God. Jesus words touched those who need hope that the story doesn't end on Friday; it's a victory declaration. It is also words that walk with us, not just in our Gethsemane but in those moments we are on our cross. Jesus, the great mystery, who touches us wherever we are.
Side note: This isn't something new; I have been fighting the worst of this pain on and off for months. For those who endure, my deepest sympathy and prayers.
