06/19/2026
In June, we are doing brief sermon series through some of the Proverbs. When we started planning, I found myself avoiding Proverbs 31. And the more I avoided it, the more I knew that God was prompting me to take time to think through why I was avoiding it. I was not excited. Proverbs repeatedly invites us to trust in God’s wisdom, and lean not on our own understanding, and I knew that I had to trust God in this. I had intended to preach what I’m about to write, but instead I share this blog as a testimony of God’s grace and constant invitation to receive his Truth that brings clarity and freedom. Let me back up and give you a little more context.
When I was growing up and in college, it was at the height of what is now referred to as ‘purity culture’. Josh Harris had written the book ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ among many others that taught perfection, purity, and to be the perfect wife as the desire of God’s heart for women. It seemed that most of the Bible studies and discussions I attended were around what it meant to be a Godly woman. Many of these studies were from Proverbs 31. I absolutely wanted to be a Godly woman, and all of these studies set a high bar. I was surrounded by images and descriptions of a demure, always-loving, always-smiling, all-doing, perfectly-put-together, beautiful, flawless, servant-hearted, soft-spoken, and subservient woman. It began to feel like a 2x4 hitting me across the head. Every time we would start talking about Proverbs 31, the voice that I heard was, “You’re not enough. You’ll never be enough. Everything about you is NOT a Proverbs 31 woman.” That felt true. I believed that. That 2x4 followed me around for years! I just didn’t measure up. My house was never perfectly clean. I was physically and emotionally flawed. I was loud and sometimes just needed to get away from kids and responsibilities. And every time I didn’t measure up to perfection the voice confirmed, “Yep, still not a Proverbs 31 woman.” I carried that lie with me in my heart for a very long time.
Over time, God has chipped away at the lie. Thankfully, He has brought people into my life that have affirmed me and built me up as a Godly woman. I married an amazing man, and I figured out how to be my own kind of wife and mother and not worry about keeping up with the social-media façade and unrealistic pressures to be perfect. I am definitely not perfect, but I now understand that God made me in His image. He loves me. He sees my heart and He is with me. He wants me to grow towards Him, Abide in Him, and doesn’t expect me to have it all together all the time. I really have healed a lot from the unrealistic expectations put on me by culture and unhealthy teaching. And yet, the work was not (is not) truly finished. God is still teaching me and freeing me from the lie.
Fast forward to planning this sermon series, and I found myself face to face with Proverbs 31 again. I realized the reason I avoided this passage was because I still held that image in my mind of the Proverbs 31 woman, and all the shame came tip-toeing back. That lie of perfection was being whispered in my ear again.
So, I went back and read it again. This time with the Holy Spirit whispering. This time with the scales removed from my eyes, and I saw and heard something very different. That picture that I held in my heart and my mind wasn’t actually even the picture that God was trying to paint. Don’t believe me? Go back and read it. This woman IS amazing! But instead of a behind-the-scenes, soft-spoken, subservient woman, see the actual woman that is being described. She is strong, wise, confident. She leads. She is joy-filled and enjoys life. This woman holds her household together, not because that’s the cultural expectation of perfection, but because God has given her such a unique set of skills and abilities. She is the ultimate multi-tasker! And the picture-perfect woman that I had constructed in my mind began to crumble. This proverb was never about perfection and achievement, it is a celebration of women! It’s not a high bar to be achieved, but a mirror into a woman’s soul. God has given you such gifts!
And that’s when God whispered, “You want to see a picture of a Proverbs 31 woman, look up Judges 4. Let me remind you of Deborah.” The context of Judges 4 is significant. Israel had grown in number; so big that they had leadership structures, and the highest level of leadership was a Judge. The Judge served multiple roles: military leadership, judicial authority, spiritual leadership, and mediator of God. It’s in this context that we meet Deborah. She is a Judge and holds the highest level of leadership and authority in the nation of Israel! She is also married, and we can assume that she had children and managed a household. In this chapter, she leads Israel into battle. She is a warrior! She is a leader. She has a voice. She is seen and heard. She is a Proverbs 31 woman!
Throughout scripture we see women using their gifts and even being elevated. It has always encouraged me when I read the Bible and see women’s stories celebrated. In a patriarchal society, those stories didn’t have to be told, but they were. Thousands of years later, God is using women to build His Kingdom; loving, leading, ministering and teaching. I am one of them. And we join a long list of women in the Bible that made a difference.
Old Testament: Miriam, Deborah, Jael, Ruth, Esther, Hannah, Tamar, Huldah and more!
Jesus’ Disciples: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Susanna, Mary (Mother of James and Joseph), Mary (Mother of James and John), Martha, Mary of Bethany, Salome, Mary (Mother of Jesus), and more!
Early Church: Lydia, Phoebe, Priscilla , Junia, Tryphena, Tryphosa, Julia, Nereus, Chloe Euodia, Syntyche, and more!
I do recognize that this may seem like an interesting blog topic to be posted on Father’s Day weekend. I in no way intend to take away from that. What I find beautiful about the timing though, is that God intends for men and women to be celebrated! He created us different, but He intended for us to be better together. And I am better because of my brothers in Christ. And today God has given me a fresh, healthy perspective on what it means to be a Godly Woman by Proverbs 31, and reflecting on Deborah as an example; one that encourages, celebrates and builds up rather than shames and critiques. Such freedom! Amen.
