08/14/2026
When Someone Pushes Your Button
What do you do when it feels like someone is pushing your button? You’re in a conversation, and suddenly, something the other person says makes your heart race and your muscles tense. Your body is reacting before your brain can catch up: suddenly you’re in defense mode.
We all have relationships with someone who seems to say or do something that pushes our button. Maybe it’s a comment from a family member, a remark from a coworker, or an old friend bringing up a painful past. Instead of snapping, shutting down, or spiraling, you can pause, breathe, and choose to go with what I call the three Bs.
Several years ago I discovered these three B’s that help me in those difficult situations. Their words or actions are coming from somewhere. Could it be from something in their BACKGROUND causing this behavior? Maybe they are in the middle of some BATTLE that lies behind this response. Or maybe they are carrying a BURDEN that is causing them to respond so.
Here are three B’s, background, battles, and burdens, which may help explain their words or actions. They are not excuses but explanations that can deescalate the situation. Instead of reacting in anger or shutting down, you can slow down and take a breath.
When someone hits a nerve, everything in us wants to speed up, react, defend, and fire back. God flips the instinct upside down: “Remember this, my dear brothers and sisters: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and should not get angry easily. An angry person doesn’t do what God approves of” (James 1:19–20 GW).
Let the curiosity of the three B’s shift the dynamic, so you’re no longer reacting from the wound but responding with grace and mercy.