07/30/2024
I was raised in the church and lost my mother to cancer when I was 14. I began falling away from the church in my later teen years. I found my way back in my mid-20s and was sealed in the temple. My marriage fell apart and at age 32, I fell away again. During those times when I excluded Christ and His church from my life, I would often hear critics say that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was a cult. This always annoyed me because clearly no one had ever stopped me from walking out of the church doors whenever I wanted to leave. In fact, they wouldn't have accepted my tithing money even if I had offered it once I decided to break my covenants and leave.
In 2020, I developed a pretty bad drinking problem, which became worse by 2021. I wondered why I still felt a massive hole in my heart. I attended different churches in the metro area and they all felt wrong. It felt like everyone was putting on a grand show for money. Nothing felt genuine or complete and I felt weighed down by sin.
So I prayed. I knew where I needed to be, but I was ashamed. Ashamed that, after all I knew, I allowed myself to be fooled by the world. But I felt such a strong urge to go to the LDS church that the next Sunday, I went. It wasn't instant. I left halfway through sacrament meeting on my first try, but I prayed some more and I went back the next Sunday that I could. No one spit on me. No one called me names. There were only smiling faces and warm welcomes. What was I so afraid of? It wasn't my fear but Satan's. He wanted me far away from Christ's church.
I asked the Bishop if I could meet with him & made an appointment. My heart was racing because I wanted him to know that I wanted back into the fold, but I felt like a sheep that had wandered off for so long that the stains I collected on my wool could never be made clean and that I would only bring shame to the Saints. He assured me that is not what the scriptures say & that through faith in Jesus Christ, my sins could be made white as snow. I wasn't able to even finish explaining to him the covenants I had broken or the shame I felt, I barely said anything at all. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of love & peace, exactly what I was searching for, but could never find at the bottom of a vodka bottle. I felt unworthy of so much love, but Jesus had been waiting for me with open arms all along. He literally ran to me & held me tight. It was only me who had been stopping Him from doing so all along.
Since then, I have had many, many revelatory experiences that I was never able to before. My faith preceded the miracles. I have a testimony so strong that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ's restored gospel here on earth, that no power in existence could take it away from me. I am truly converted. It took me a longer time than many, but if that's what it took for me to gain such a strong testimony in Jesus Christ and the power of His atonement, I'd do it all over again. I strive every day to bring some of His light to others that through me they can know they are loved perfectly and unconditionally by Heavenly Parents and a merciful Savior. Through teaching my family and neighbors I feel joy I've never felt before.
-Amanda Dunn-
