09/03/2025
A TIMELY WORD FROM THE PASTOR:
Struggling Through Another Day of this Hellish Nightmare
But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and He will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see Him for myself. Yes, I will see Him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!
Job 19:25–27
As I sprang to life once again early this morning, I discovered once again that this hellish nightmare I have found myself waking up to for the last several weeks was for certain a reality.
The struggle with every little swallow; the pain from the radiation sores that fill my mouth and cover my tongue and lips; the rawness of the tumor on the back of my tongue and across the back of my throat; all reminders of the fury of Satan unleashed upon a child of the King.
Every small sip of water and every tiny morsal of food introduced to my mouth serve as painful reminders of the extreme hatred Satan has for God’s children.
This has become my day to day, moment by moment reality. The rapid weight loss and struggles to simply move about the house serve as constant reminders of the reality of all of this.
The incessant, painful cough from a dry throat. The choking associated with even attempting to swallow a small sip of water – all reminders that this hellish nightmare is my current life’s reality.
While I could certainly be crying out, Why me, God? Perhaps even blaming God. I understand full well that none of us is exempt. While God has not promised to keep us from the onslaught of the enemy, He has promised to go with us through every moment of every day as we tread such difficult paths.
As I consider the path my Savior took for me as He walked up Calvary’s Hill and there suffered for all humanity – taking upon Himself more of Satan’s fury than any of us will ever experience. How can I but think for a moment that I should be exempt?
I think about Job having been the victim of Satan’s fury, sitting out at the garbage dump, his body covered with painful sores – scrapping those sores with broken pottery to find a moment of relief from the excruciating pain. (Job 2:3-10)
Antagonized by his wife to curse God and die, Job remained faithful to God and as the Scripture records, “Throughout all this Job did not sin in what he said.”
Surely there is a breaking point for all of us? Or is there? How do we maintain through the intense struggle? For me, it has meant a great deal of praying. Every day when they lock my head down to the radiation table, I pray – I seek God’s help – and I know He is there for me.
Every time I am choking on saliva and coughing from a dry throat that racks my entire body, I trust my God to get me through.
While I certainly don’t know what each new day holds for me – I know the One who holds that day. I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that He is living with me, in me, and through me – every moment of this nightmare.
I know that when I am suffering, He is suffering with me. I know that when I feel as though I can’t make it another day – He strengthens me and even carries me into the next, if necessary.
I know for certain I will never be the same. I know that God is teaching me through all of this. What exactly I need to know, I may not rightly understand at the moment, but I know that when the nightmare ceases to exist for me, my Savior will still be sitting on His throne!
My prayer is not necessarily that the Lord removes me from this but rather that I am open to receive from Him exactly what He is showing me through it all. That I receive, that I learn, and that I live from this moment forward.
I am grateful for the prayers and all the support of so many. I am especially grateful for my wife, Kimberly, who is a real trooper. She continues to remain strong for me even when I am difficult.
She sits and watches as I am struggling to catch my next breath. It has to be so hard on her to see me struggle as I often do. She is my Godsend! She helps me get to my appointments. She gets us back home every weekend. I love her so much!
May God’s blessings rest on you all!
