The Partridge Family Temple Scene

The Partridge Family Temple Scene The Partridge Family Temple Was Hatched From the Honey Comb Hideout You wake up in utter blackness. No sky. No earth. Just forever made of black. You turn around.

Suddenly a dog barks. The dog runs up to you. You get on your hands and knees and check the dog collar; it says, “Simone”.

“Simone’s your name?”

The dog barks and shakes it’s head and starts to trot away. You follow but then you stop. For floating high above you, is a gigantic, beautiful, blonde woman wearing crushed, red velvet pants and matching vest, her shirt ruffled and white. She starts t

o sing, and as she sings, pinpoints of light appear. Newly born stars; and then the stars begin to sing. And as they sing, the gigantic, blonde woman’s stomach starts to Jiffy Pop, pregnant-swell. She rotates in the black void and smiles at you. Now she’s naked. From her blonde, honey cave hideout emerges a gigantic, yellow and blue egg. She floats away and all is silent. Then the egg starts to roll back and forth and the yellow top is separated from the blue bottom as it loudly cracks in half. You can’t move and are hardly breathing. Shadowy beings climb out of the egg. You can’t quite make them out. Then they start walking towards you. Keith. Laurie. Danny. Tracy. Two Christophers; one with blonde hair and one with brown. You know them. You know their names but you don’t know why. Then you notice the others. Anne Frank. Ray Kroc. The Banana Splits. Brandon Walsh. JonBenet Ramsey. The cast from Seinfeld. Helen Keller and her guru. Nate Archibald. Bobby Sherman. The Goatfish Man. Flip Wilson and Geraldine. Snake Plissken. You hear a golden voice behind you.

“Do you love my children?”

You turn around and the gigantic blonde woman is floating on a gigantic, lotus flower dripping with sticky, incense honey.

“I don’t know”, you stammer nervously.

“That’s alright child. They love you and you are love.”

She kisses you on your brow and whispers into your ear, “Wake up.”

You open your eyes. You’re in your bed. “Was that a dream?” you wonder aloud. Just then your door burst open and Danny Partridge barges his way into your room yelling, “Hey, goofball! Mom said to wake up. It’s time for breakfast. I hope you like omelets. Mom makes the best omelets in Albuquerque!”

You hop out of bed and smile. You have never felt so turned-on in your life! As you follow Danny into the kitchen of God, he gives you a TV Guide. You stare in amazement… you’re on the cover! JOIN THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY TEMPLE…NOW!

2024 hours a day…wow is the time to score your very own Partridge Family Temple long player and turn unnnnnnnn!
11/22/2024

2024 hours a day…wow is the time to score your very own Partridge Family Temple long player and turn unnnnnnnn!

16 track album

50 Years of Artwork by Whale Song Partridge!
09/25/2020

50 Years of Artwork by Whale Song Partridge!

Today is Summer Solstice or to quote one of the best poets who ever existed, Marc Bolan: Summer is Not a Bummer. The Cho...
06/21/2020

Today is Summer Solstice or to quote one of the best poets who ever existed, Marc Bolan: Summer is Not a Bummer. The Chosen Hive have always loved their Summer King, Keith Partridge and we realize and practice, that summer can be all year round inside your mind. It just takes a little MIND CONTROL but with enough concentration, you can leave your winter jacket in the wardrobe.

And now some spiritual homework. Read these lyrics, listen to this song, taking it into your heart and meditate upon this wonderful illustration by Macrame Partridge.

I feel the sunlight on my face
When I just close my eyes and I trace
The footpath to your daddy's summer place
Where we spent our early summer days

The hill we climbed that went on forever
We reached the top of the world together

Yeah, you gave your love to me and I remember perfectly
High above all time and space and I remember summer days
When you gave your love to me and I remember perfectly
High above all time and space and I remember summer days

Come climb that hill again with me; come live that love again with me
Baby, baby, baby, baby; hold my hand and we'll be free; said we'll be
Free

Yeah, you gave your love to me and I remember perfectly
High above all time and space and I remember summer days
When you gave your love to me and I remember perfectly
High above all time and space and I remember summer days

Yeah, you gave your love to me and I remember perfectly
High above all time and space and I remember summer days
When you gave your love to me and I remember perfectly
High above all time and space and I remember summer days

Reuben Kincaid studied the dinner menu as the other Partridges; Shirley, Laurie, Danny, Christopher and Tracy sit patien...
04/12/2020

Reuben Kincaid studied the dinner menu as the other Partridges; Shirley, Laurie, Danny, Christopher and Tracy sit patiently sipping their beverages. Reuben nervously says, “Again, I’m really sorry I was late. I was just finishing up some last minute business.”

Danny’s freckles smile and say, “What airline?”

Reuben opens the menu wider and studies it like he’s reading a Coptic Greek manuscript. Shirley smiles and says, “Reuben, we’re just happy that you’re here. This is one of my favorite Chinese restaurants. Laurie and I discovered it when we were buying her a coat this last winter at Sears.”

Tracy puts her beverage down and says, “A J.C. Pennys for your thoughts?”

Danny nudges her and says, “Sears, you goof.”

Shirley turns to Danny and says, “You know how to act in a restaurant that serves food.”

Danny nods his head and apologetically blurts, “Sorry, Mom. I’m just so excited to eat as much shrimp as humanly possible.”

Shirley laughs and says, “Okay. Is everyone ready to order?”

The waitress arrives at their table, smiles and says, “Welcome to August Rooster Dry Pot. Have you been here before?"

Laurie answers, “Yes, my mother and I have been here at least three times.”

The waitress smiles as she takes their order. Soon the food arrives at their table and everyone hungrily dives in. Reuben notices that Keith isn’t there and asks where he is. Everyone at the table grows quiet and Christopher solemnly says, “Friday was a bad day for Keith.”

Before Reuben can even ask what that means more food is brought to the table.

Later that evening at the Partridge house, Shirley brings a tray of hot cocoa for everyone to sip. Reuben shakes his head and says, “Sorry, Shirl. I don’t feel too good. I think it may have been something I ate.”

Danny pipes in, “Didn’t we pretty much eat all the same stuff?”

Reuben wipes the perspiration from his forehead and weakly says, “I ordered some kind of appetizer. It tasted a little off but I’ve never had Chinese food from the Hubei Province before.”

Shirley gets up and puts her gentle hand against Reuben’s forehead. She looks concerned and says, “Reuben, you’re staying here tonight. I’ll make the couch up so I can keep and eye on you. Do you remember what you ordered exactly?”

“I don’t know, Shirl. I’m not feeling that well”, as he starts coughing uncontrollably. “Wait, yes. Now I remember. It was the Number 7…it was called Spike Glycoprotein Hemagglutinin Esterase Envelope Small Membrane Protein Membrane Protein Nucleoprotein Genomic RNA with MSG.”

At that point Reuben starts shivering as the fever kicks in and his body starts to ache and then he slowly loses consciousness. Every so often he wakes up drenched in sweat with Shirley sitting atop a white leather stool with golden legs playing a gigantic golden harp. The music is so soothing it helps Reuben fall back into his…
..the fever dreams begin.

The first one is Danny running on the beach screaming, “I don’t go to Spring Breakfast! I am Spring Breakfast!” as he picks every single red freckle off his naked body and flings them into the sky turning the daytime black and now all the stars are bouncing balls of fire.

Reuben says, “I don’t think the stars should be so hot.”

Then the fever dream flows into another.

Christopher and Tracy are in the backyard building a gigantic round ball of white clay as Laurie plucks Danny’s fiery freckled stars from the sky and plants them on top of the white clay ball like strange flowers made of flame. Reuben notices that Christopher and Tracy don’t have any skin on their hands or fingers anymore.

Then the dream of fever changes.

He’s back at the restaurant and Danny is taking his order. But as Reuben yells out that he doesn’t want the appetizer, no words come out and Danny keeps smiling and pointing at Number 7. The next thing Reuben knows is he’s inside a giant dry pot with everyone he’s ever known. And when he looks up, Danny is smiling as he stirs them together and his name tag for some reason says “PAN”.

Then the dream swirls into Shirley outside playing her golden harp and it’s no longer nighttime and the fiery stars are gone and the birds are chirping. And then…

Reuben hears the familiar suck suction sound of his favorite Delta stewardess and when he looks down, he notices that her beautiful brunette hair is shorter. And before he can compliment her new hairdo, he realizes its Keith Partridge copping his joint.

And then Reuben wakes up feeling completely better. No fever. No body aches. No cough. No upset stomach.

The room is quiet now. The harp sits next to the stool but Shirley is no where to be scene. But sitting in the chair is Keith Partridge wearing a white robe and Jesus sandals. He smiles and says, “复活节快乐”

Film review by Rex Reed I just got back from the Midnight Showing of the new flick, Black Friday and to be honest with y...
11/29/2019

Film review by Rex Reed

I just got back from the Midnight Showing of the new flick, Black Friday and to be honest with you I have no idea what I just saw. Who wrote this script? It’s late so I’m going to write a short review and really try to give you an idea of what this movie is about. But like I said, I have no idea.

So in a nutshell, Robert Beck, who some of you may know as Iceberg Slim and a notorious pimp and now author, stars in his first movie role. And guess what? He plays a pimp in this movie also. His name is Young Turkey. Whenever he walks down the street people always shout out in respect, “Young, dumb and full of gobble!”

Well anyway, if that’s not weird enough, Diahann Carroll from the beloved TV series, Julia plays the female pimp nemesis, Mama Too Tight. In a storyline too convoluted to explain to you, the average reader, basically Mama Too Tight lays a major con on Young Turkey and takes his entire stable of girls and becomes the most popular madame.

Young Turkey is very angry and in one scene that makes no sense, drinks an entire bottle of alcohol and then hallucinates like he did L*D. It’s 1973 people, not 1967! That’s when he meets the infamous singer, Screaming Jay Hawkins, famous for his song, “I Won a Spelling Bee”.

Screaming Jay Hawkins asks Young Turkey what the problem is. After Young Turkey confesses his predicament, Screaming Jay Hawkins says, “You know what you need to do, you need to find the best bitch, the finest bitch…the ultimate bitch and trick her ass out.”

Young Turkey wakes up the next day and decides, and I’m not making this up readers, to trick out the Goddess Kali. At this point I don’t even know how to explain what, why or how. It would be easier to tell you where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. But Young Turkey, in a ritual in a graveyard meets Kali and convinces this ancient goddess to turn tricks for him; my apologies to the Hindu community.

She’s so good at her job that by the end of the movie, Young Turkey is now the King of Pimps and Mama Too Tight for some reason stomps her feet and explodes in a ball of fire. Then Screaming Jay Hawkins comes out and sings a song about how Young Turkey put a pimp hand to some ancient four-armed goddess ho who wears a garland of johns around her neck and could jack four clients off and suck an entire neighborhood with that big, fat red tongue.

I will say this though, Robert Beck is a very fine actor and Diahann Carroll should get a better agent.

Happy High Holiday, Black Friday from The Partridge Family Temple!

Movie poster by Whale Song Partridge
Film review transcribed by The Partridge in the Pear Tree

In celebration of Black History Month, The Partridge Family Temple All is Flowing Family of God would like to acknowledg...
02/01/2019

In celebration of Black History Month, The Partridge Family Temple All is Flowing Family of God would like to acknowledge our debt to Jazz Slang. When I was a little kid watching The Beverly Hillbillies, The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, I Dream of Jeannie, Dragnet, Bewitched, Route 66, Mister Ed, Green Acres and The Munsters, one of the first exciting things that stood out to me were the beatnik and mod/hippie episode sessions.

At this point in my life, around age seven, I felt the beginning of time was the 50’s. I would ask my mother constantly about television shows from the dawn of televised entertainment. I would ask her questions and she’d tell me about commercials I’d never seen but they seemed like magical dreams.

The most holy of holies was The Twilight Zone, which was not in syndication yet where I lived. I couldn’t believe that a show that perfect was considered a relic from the past because I can tell you, the Sweat Hogs were no Twilight Zone.

At the time, in the mid 70’s, I felt the world was coming to an end. It was hard to explain because I was eight years old, but I knew the world was taking a turn for the worst and I fantasized about the good old days. So for me, the 50’s and the early 60’s were this glorious era which was the future but now was considered the distant past. And yet when I watched Elly May Clampett hang out with Beatniks, it seemed way more futuristic and way-out than Chico and the Man.

I remember my mother came in one day and saw me watching a beatnik episode and said, “Oh, I used to be a beatnik!” I became very excited and asked her to tell me all about it. She said she wore black turtlenecks, black chino pants, black loafers, had bangs and the clincher, “And I wore white lipstick.”

I felt the world slip off it’s axis. In that moment my mother was the coolest person on the planet. From that day forth, I couldn’t wait to grow a goatee. Unfortunately, I never could grow a goatee, but I could wear a beret and snap my fingers. You dig?

And then there were the mod hippies. They were groovy, sharp and colorful and they also had that same great, with-it vernacular. But it wasn’t until I was seventeen when I got heavily into the psychedelic bag and started talking like a head. I remember thinking, “Hippies just talk like beatniks but a little different.”

One day, I picked up a 60’s slang book at the thrift-store and realized all this beatnik hippie slang originated from the jazz cats. I knew that to some degree, but not completely. The book made me re-evaluate hipster slang and I started to wonder how it all began.

Did one person sitting at a table say, “Flip your lid”, and people just thought that was cool and it spread like a virus? Maybe it was a situation where collectively a few different people said, “Flip your lid”. I’d pay a lot of bread to find out, but that would involve a time machine and I don’t have enough bread to score one.

The Pft! have been using hipster slang for years. A lot of people have. It’s still out there. The word ‘cool’ is one of those words that never went out of style which is really COOL. Think how long Jazz Slang has lasted and how far it's branched out. Will people still be saying, “Ad majórem Dei glóriam” three thousand years from now?

In 1938, Cab Calloway put out Hepster’s Dictionary: A Guide To The Language Of Jive. Not only was this the first dictionary by a black person, this was also the Rosetta Stone of jive/jazz slang. A lot of black folk don’t get enough credit for things and I think one thing they don’t get enough credit for is Jazz Slang. And today, for Black History Month, I want to say to everyone who invented Jazz Slang, “THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.”

UN-FACT: In one of the most famous scenes in the movie Airplane, Barbara Billingsley says she can speak jive. The reason she was picked for the movie was because television audiences knew her from Leave it to Beaver, The Beaver symbolizing Yoni, Shakti and Rebirth. Also being fluent in jive meant that she was on a higher plane.

UN-FACT: People toss around the term hipster a lot nowadays. Hip means “to know” which means that Carl Jung was a beatnik.

UN-FACT: You’re not going to believe this, but Charlie Parker, one of the most famous jazz musicians of all time was nicknamed Bird. Is it a coincidence that the partridge is also a bird?

Hard Spiel by The Partridge in the Pear Tree
Out of the World Artwork by Whale Song Partridge

SUPER CLEANPft! Heavy-Duty Laundry DetergentLimited to 10 sweatshirts and 10 art printsthepartridgefamilytemple.bigcarte...
01/16/2019

SUPER CLEAN

Pft! Heavy-Duty Laundry Detergent
Limited to 10 sweatshirts and 10 art prints

thepartridgefamilytemple.bigcartel.com

TV DINNERPft! monochrome shirt design is up on the web shop; international orders are now enabled as well!thepartridgefa...
01/03/2019

TV DINNER

Pft! monochrome shirt design is up on the web shop; international orders are now enabled as well!

thepartridgefamilytemple.bigcartel.com

2200 A.D.New long sleeve shirt design available for all future forward Partridges!thepartridgefamilytemple.bigcartel.com
12/19/2018

2200 A.D.

New long sleeve shirt design available for all future forward Partridges!

thepartridgefamilytemple.bigcartel.com

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