07/21/2023
Continuing on from last week:
Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live. – Jonah 4:3
In researching the topic of ministry and depression, I came across a blog that posted this heading, Pastor, you have not been granted immunity. 1 The immunity referred to was immunity from depression. Pastor, you are not immune. Depression happens frequently, and it can happen to you.
Depression wears many faces. Depression can rise from sin, as it did in the life of David. It shows its ugly face when we experience loss. Physical illness can bring depression. Falling short of expectations, either in others or ourselves, can cause depression. Some childhood experiences and life events, especially those of a traumatic nature, often result in depression. Unfortunately, sometimes our styles of thinking can bring about depression. Genetics may play a part as might medication and/or recreational drugs.
I’m not qualified to discuss genetic or clinical depression, but when it comes to pastors, most depression is caused by stress and emotions stretched to their limits. In the realm of ministry, the topic of depression among leadership is often ignored. The pastor is considered too spiritual to experience depression. Certainly, he cannot fall into depression. The preacher is depressed? There must be a gross sin in his life. I can hear you say, “If I admit depression, I’ll have no influence over those I counsel, or probably everyone else.”
I hear you, but oh thou man of God, are you human? You are subject to everything the human race can throw at you. Your position as a leader in the church doesn’t disqualify you from the ills of life.
Recently I had the opportunity to interview author Lori Colbo. Ms. Colbo, in the past, has lived through PSTD and knows first-hand the depths of depression. I have reprinted much of the original interview below.
WFK: How would you describe the darkness that surrounds depression?
LC: Every person might answer this differently and it also depends on the symptoms and especially the severity of symptoms. Some people do nothing but sleep and can’t get out of bed. Others can’t sleep and every night is like living a thousand midnights (a term I heard from MLK Jr.) Or as C.S. Lewis describes in his book A Grief Observed, “mad midnight moments.” Lewis was talking about grief, but grief and depression are similar but also distinct. Some can’t stop eating and others can’t eat at all. So each person is different. Crazy.
For me, the bad depressions are like living in thick dark mud. Every fiber of my being is nearly inert and listless. I suffocate and drown in despair. I can’t make the simplest daily decisions, let alone something important. If anxiety is present during depression it
is pure hell. One season a few years ago every morning when I opened my eyes my stomach dropped and despair washed over me because to open my eyes meant I had to live, to face everyday life, to do things I couldn’t do. I called this experience “morning dread.”
Every morning was torment. That was a more severe case. There is no way you can see the bright side, the silver lining, or any hope that anything will ever be good. I’ve had times when even good things cause despair. It’s really strange. Also, you are convinced you will always feel this way and it will never get better. . .
WFK: How do you distinguish between the blues and depression?
LC: The blues are mild and fleeting. They might last a day to a week or two but you function as normal and it doesn’t hinder your daily living except you might choose to stay home rather than go out. Life is not a pit. You’re not hopeless. It’s like some people get down a little during bad weather or a situation has occurred that
is getting you down, but a little time of recuperation and it goes away. It’s important with the blues or depression to know the difference between isolating and withdrawing emotionally and simply taking a day to two to chill and relax at home.
WFK: . . . How would you feel if you discovered your pastor or other Christian leader suffered from depression? Would it in any way affect your respect for him, your trust in him, or your perception of him?
LC: If you are asking me personally, I would say generally speaking and in most cases, it would not affect any of those. However, if he is clearly severe enough to not function and do his work well then I would be concerned about his ability to make good decisions or cope with ministry. I wouldn’t exactly call that mistrust, but if he is in denial and stubborn I would have reservations. I think it’s a matter of discernment.
A better question is “How would other people feel if they discovered their pastor or leader suffered from depression?” Unfortunately, Christians tend to shoot their wounded when it comes to another Christian or pastor, or leader having depression. It’s heartbreaking. There is shaming, dismissing, condemnation, flippant meaningless cliches (what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger), or outright protest is too common. By protesting I mean you might run into people, especially church board members or leaders who would declare that the pastor needs to be ousted. Many of these are from well-meaning, clueless people. I’ve had all these things happen to me except being ousted.
There are some people who believe a true Christian who is depressed really has a character or spiritual deficit. That is why it is best to find one or two safe people to turn to in confidence. If there aren’t any you will strictly have to rely on professionals. Again, the man’s functionality is a key factor. There may also be some very compassionate and affirming people out there. The Church is finally
making a bit of progress in understanding mental health issues are medical issues not poor spiritual practices or negative attitudes. You may find some reach out and support. But the Church needs to grow in education about mental health issues.
WFK: How would you recommend a pastor handling depression?
LC: If it’s new to him it’s important to not go into denial to himself. All of the stigma and judgments people have can affect him and he’ll feel tremendous guilt and/or feel he is pathetic, less than, weak. He is let down. This is even when he hasn’t shared it with
anyone yet. We stigmatize ourselves sometimes. I was in terrible denial for years for all those reasons. If he’s able to pray, he should ask God to help him and guide him to do the next right thing. If he’s able to read the bible, read about David, Elijah, and Jeremiah who struggled with depression, even if not clinical. Be willing to go to a doctor. If the doctor recommends counseling, find a good Christian counselor. It’s so important to have another Christian, especially a professional, to be in your corner, someone to confide in, to tell all your struggles of being a Christian and having depression. A word to the wives, be kind, compassionate, concerned, and supportive.
If the pastor has struggled with depression before stay current with doctors and therapy. Whether they’re new to it or have dealt with it before, in my experience working hard to get better by doing what the doctor says and working hard with a therapist. I used to say to my first therapist when she asked me a probing question, “I don’t know, you’re the therapist. You tell me?” I was passive and wallowed rather than being involved with my own recovery. It was hard work and using all the resources I had available that I recovered completely from PTSD. It took a lot longer than it should have because in the beginning, I didn’t try. I felt sorry for myself or
angry that I had it.
Also, it’s important to have someone praying for you. The prayers
of a wife and that one supportive friend can go a long way. Giving them specifics helps them to pray strategically. Another thing - and this is important - don’t believe everything you think. Your brain chemistry, depression, and discouragement alter healthy perceptions. They lie to you. Don’t believe the lie that God is nowhere to be found. Just because you can’t see Him or feel Him doesn’t mean He’s gone or disappointed in you. He knows what depression is and if you can trust through the sludge you’ll do better.
With my long history of mental health issues, I finally learned this. When I was in the hospital last summer I had a horrific day and couldn’t stop crying. Then it hit me, “I have to remember what’s true. What do I know? What does God say in His word? I need
to believe His promises and assurances despite my toxic morbid thoughts and self-pity. I know God loves me. I know that even if it feels like this is going to last forever and all is dark, I will get through this as I have so many times before. His light shines in the darkness and that light is hope. He will never leave me nor
forsake me. That’s a promise, not a suggestion or “except in this situation.” It didn’t fix me in a moment’s time, but I had hope and it strengthened me and broke through the walls I’d hit. . . . One last thing, ask God to reveal Himself to you and teach you something even if it isn’t until you’re getting better. My greatest treasures came after a dark depression. I knew Him better. . . .
WFK: How could you best encourage a pastor suffering from depression? Would you encourage the pastor differently than a church member?
LC: Love him, accept him, and listen to him with compassion and without judgment. Pray for him, pray with him, and pray over him. When I was ill last summer I could feel the prayers of my supporters. Don’t have all the pat answers. Speak into his life about the Lord, reminding him of God’s promises and assurances. Give him a gift card to go out with his wife, loan him your cabin for a breather, take him fishing, take him to a meal or coffee, and just chat and listen. It doesn’t even have to be about his depression, sometimes a plain old chat is life-giving. Support and defend him if there are people who are giving him negativity. Think of the hardest times in your life and what helped and/or what you needed and give it to him. Help him find resources. Take him to an appointment. Just love on him with no expectations. I would pretty much encourage him like anyone else except there may be times to encourage him specifically in the context of his work.
