06/22/2021
“Are the kids okay?”
I think back often to that day when the child psychologist I’d consulted gave me solid advice I still use today. I was grieving the fallout of a recent event and its effects on my four kids, the oldest of whom was 11. It was like a pin had been pulled from a gr***de leaving an emotional crater. I agonized: “Would the kids ever be okay?
I had to reign my thoughts in and hand my kids over to God daily, hourly even. I leaned heavily on that psychologist’s advice. She’d simply said:
“Acknowledge their feelings, acknowledge their feelings, acknowledge their feelings, and do something NORMAL (i.e. - make cookies, play a game, go for a bike ride).”
And so, I started “bath chats” where I’d sit on the floor outside the closed shower curtain while one of the kids took a bath. I’d ask him “how his heart was” to get the ball rolling and it worked! His fondness for our heart-to-hearts was palpable and it wasn’t long before he was asking me the same question. To this day we still ask each other that question, though that child is on the threshold of adulthood.
Lately, I’ve started “snack chats” with another child who’s been having temper outbursts. After school we snack side by side and I ask how he’s feeling on a scale of 1-10 in different areas: anger, stress, tiredness, worry, sad, etc. My goal is twofold: that he feels truly seen and heard by me and that he becomes more aware of what he’s really feeling deep down and can better manage those feelings.
There’s true healing for kids when there’s an adult in their lives actively listening, setting aside everything else in order to hear their hearts. That 11-year-old, now a young adult, is heading to college soon, far from home. Onward and upward, my child. I am listening.