02/13/2024
Hey it's been a while!!
Spring fever and weddings are in our midst. We'd like to drop a nugget as to why Premarital Counseling is vital to you as husband (man) and wife (woman).
Premarital counseling helps identify core beliefs, set realistic expectations for marriage, plan for the future, and decide the ways in which your lives will be merged.
Premarital Counseling:
7 Topics You should Discuss before the Wedding
Many couples forgo premarital counseling.
They feel like their love is “strong enough” to forgo any possible relationship landmines hidden in that particular prenuptial activity.
That may be true. But most married couples will tell you:
Communication is everything.
So, the higher the postnuptial disappointment and divorce numbers climb, the more therapy and solid communication prior to “I do” seem to make sense.
What are the key topics partners should talk about before heading down the aisle?
Consider the following 7 vital premarital discussions:
1. The meaning of the marriage commitment.
Why do you want to marry each other? Express what you believe about marriage and how you think it will benefit your lives. Share which behaviors you believe are off-limits in your marriage and those you hope to incorporate. Discuss how you are willing to protect and honor your commitment.
2. Your individual and combined goals and aspirations.
Discuss the life goals that matter most to you. Clearly lay out your strategies for the short and long-term. What career, community, and family objectives mean most? Consider what you both think will be necessary in the way of planning and sacrifice to achieve them.
3. Your relationship expectations.
Often partners don’t realize how dissimilar their perceptions and expectations are for overall marital satisfaction. Talk about how you hope to support and be supported. How much togetherness and time alone makes you comfortable? Are you willing to honor agreements regarding time allotted for work, recreation, and intimacy? How important will personal hobbies, friendships, and family time be in your daily life?
4. Your ideas regarding family planning or family blending.
If, how, and when you start a family is a crucial discussion prior to marriage. Be sure you are on the same page regarding your willingness to have and raise children. How many would you like to have? How will you handle potential challenges in making that a reality? How will you handle parenting children from previous relationships? Will you take preventative measures until you’re both ready? Discuss openly the child-rearing philosophies, values, and disciplinary measures that are important to you.
5. Your perceptions and expectations regarding money matters.
Work out a system for financial review and accountability. Talk about your money histories honestly and share current circumstances openly. Take a look at the salary differential between you and your feelings about it. Also, look at your expectations regarding breadwinning and lifestyle as your family grows. Seriously consider how bills, personal and combined debt, credit, taxes, and savings will be managed.
6. Your home life and living arrangements.
Discuss how you imagine your everyday life together. Will you live near family or do you hope to make a life elsewhere? Discuss whether homeownership or living in certain socio-economic locations are important to you. Is the goal to recreate the lifestyle you had as children or to build an entirely different home life? Consider too, how you might expect the needs of your aging parents to factor into your life together.
7. Your plan for resolving conflict productively.
Merging your lives will undoubtedly lead to a measure of conflict initially and throughout your life together. It is crucial to commit to handling disagreements and your relationship before lingering ill-will or contempt creep in. Counseling will help you recognize and manage points of conflict and ineffective communication patterns early. Discuss how you will “fight” with more tolerance and less resentment.
