06/20/2025
“Beth,” my friend said, “I have come to realize that we’ve been looking at this all wrong. It turns out, it is just flesh.”
“Well crud,” I thought. Demons I can bind or cast out but flesh? Well flesh is a bu**er bear. Sometimes we think that the thing that is coming at us is from the dark side when really it is unhealed or unsubmitted flesh. It is just plain human and it is doing things a human ought not to do.
Let’s face it. Sometimes we, all by our little ole selves, embrace things like gossip, controlling behaviors, jealous and well…sin. It must be crucified in Christ, but it cannot be cast out.
Guess what? The devil really did not make us do some of the wrong things that we do nor is he always the culprit behind those that are wreaking havoc on our lives. So, if you are facing a battle and getting nowhere, it might just be because you are coming at all from the wrong perspective. Maybe, just maybe, it is pure flesh and blood and all the binding in the world isn’t going to help you.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when the ugly side of flesh is coming against us.
1. Be gracious. We will often try to defend ourselves and only make the problem worse. If you are feeling defensive, go to the Lord in prayer to get to the root of the problem in your heart. What about the situation is causing you to feel the need to prove yourself? Remember, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Colossians 4:6)
2. Be forgiving. Asking the Lord to help us forgive those who are hurting us is paramount to not getting down and dirty in the mud with another person’s bad behavior. We will need the Lord’s help to forgive but he promises to help us when we ask! “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
3. Seek empathy from the Lord. Understanding their behavior helps you not take things personally. Knowing that Betty Sue always must be in control because she always felt dominated by her husband can help you to not assume that the behavior is directed towards you but in fact, likely has nothing to do with you at all. “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)
4. Draw boundaries. Some unhealed and unredeemed flesh can be very hurtful to others. Recognizing that there needs to be limits to how and when we spend time with someone who is persistently causing pain can help prevent you from becoming embittered or embroiled in a battle that likely just isn’t winnable. “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,” (Proverbs 22:24 )
5. Ask for wisdom. Part of dealing with other’s woundedness means speaking the truth in love. It is written, “Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.” (Proverbs 23:9) Wisdom is needed to know when to speak and when to keep silent.
6. Stay humble. Humility goes a long way to help remain unoffended. It helps us to see ourselves honestly and understand our place in the world. Humility will help us to remain God-focused and not self-focused. It is like Teflon…it will make it really hard for the another person’s offensive behavior to stick to us. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
7. Be quiet. Running our mouths to others only fans the flames. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
These are not meant to be a one-size-fits-all formula. Each situation can be unique and may require different responses. Sometimes, we are called to walk away from the person and other times, we are called to stay in relationship and work through the muck.
Remember: Not all things that are ugly are demonic. Understanding that can help us maneuver through difficult situations with a difficult person more effectively.
