Married4Life

02/16/2025

09/24/2023

09/14/2023

Don’t self sabotage

Who knows that sometimes we are our own worst enemy? This is true of marriage also. Sometimes boundaries need to be set to protect our marriages from our own selfish, prideful, sinful, self-righteous selves. Ecclesiastes reminds us of the fickle nature of our own heart, which can lead us in one direction or another. Keeping yourself in check by implementing boundaries that protect your marriage from you can definitely help!

If you find your marriage stuck in nasty cycles of arguing, it may be time to take a look at ways you could start setting boundaries to protect your communication so that you and your spouse can maintain respect for one another even amidst disagreements.

Let's take divorce off the table. Threats aren’t helpful, especially ones that translate to your partner the message that you aren’t “all in.”
No cursing. I can’t think of a single way that cursing at your spouse is helpful to your relationship or in solving a problem. Let’s set a boundary that vulgar language is simply not allowed. If you are already stuck in the cycle of this being a regular part of communication then it may take the two of you agreeing to take a “time out” when things get heated.
Identify triggers. If there are certain hot topics that typically trigger an unhealthy cycle then set parameters about when and where you have those conversations. Here are some good baselines:
Distraction free: no phones, tablets, or TV
Without outside influences: children, inlaws, grandparents, friends, etc.
Avoid high stress situations: if your spouse just came home from a grueling day at work you might better save it if it can wait.
Choose a time that both of you can be mentally and emotionally present.
Even in heated moments of conflict, we can invite God to change how we respond. Choosing a “soft answer” instead of stirring up conflict; choosing to “bridle” our tongue and not say the hurtful comment – these are small real changes God wants to bring about in us that can soften our toughest arguments and make room for us to hear one another well and start getting on the same page. Consider using

Prayer:

Dear Lord, help us to not make marriage harder for ourselves or our spouses by getting in the way of good quality connection and communication. We pray for wisdom in knowing when and how to speak to our spouse and for self control when tensions arise.

Resource:

Looking for other great ways to grow as a couple? Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier to get a new Marriage Challenge each and every week. Get marriage inspiration every week that is easy to digest and impactful to your marriage. When you sign up for Marriage Multiplier each week you'll receive an email (or text) from Dr. Kim that will include 4 simple things: 1 Idea From Dr. Kim, 1 Marriage Challenge for you to complete that week, 1 Marriage Resource to highlight, 1 Marriage Question to strengthen your marriage. You can learn more and sign up here.

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09/13/2023

Your mindset has a powerful impact on everything in your life - including your marriage. Is yours helping or hurting your marriage? Today Dr. Kim shares some...

09/08/2023

Some people look at marriage as a 50/50 give or take relationship. It is not at all. It is a 100/100 all give relationship. Each one gives 100% of themselves each and everyday to their spouse. Each one spends time loving, caring for, pampering, listening to, talking to, being genuine and humble, being transparent, taking care of your spouses needs, then each one would be satisfied in each other. Selfishness kills our oneness with our spouse. This is an everyday job that you may not get a paycheck for but the benefits are way better than money. If we treat our marriage and our walk with God like the world, we will get the world.
If we treat our marriage and our walk with God, like God treats us, we get a godly experience that the world cannot touch. The enemy will try but cannot touch it.

06/01/2023

Lord I need you

Lyric video for the song "Please" by Katy Nichole. From her album "Jesus Changed My Life".Follow Katy Nichole:https://www.instagram.com/katynichole...https:/...

05/11/2023

3 Prayers for a Fully Connected Marriage: Provision, Protection, and Direction
Have you ever had a hard day, week, month, or season in your marriage? You’re not alone.

I like to refer to our hard stuff in marriage as a “hard minute”. The conversation in my head usually goes something like this, “we are having a hard minute Lord, I need you. Help me to see clearly, keep my heart in alignment with your truth, my emotions in check and let my words be few.”

Every single one of these pleas can be found in the Word of God and are there for my provision, protection and direction. They guide me, realign me and call me to more.

Your "hard minute" and my "hard minute" probably look completely different but that doesn't make them any less awkward or painful at the moment. We are fed the lie that marriage is bliss and everyone else's marriage is perfect. They never fight, disagree, argue or struggle. Well… let me be the first to tell you "they" very much struggle, argue, disagree and fight. Can I stand-in for the people you think have the perfect marriage?

Last week my husband and I were frustrated with each other. I needed more communication and he needed more s*x. Can I say that here? I just did! We weren't seeing eye to eye and definitely weren't connecting the way that each of us needed. In fact, we have a tendency to engage in a "s*x standoff" when one of us feels like our needs aren't being met. We withhold and use intimacy as a bargaining chip. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve done it, you’ve done it and “they’ve” done it.

While s*x and communication aren’t the real roots here, they are the fruit that brings to light the true heart and real issue. Underneath the frustration and disappointment is a hurting heart, and true longing to be known, seen, validated and fully connected.

It starts with my connection with God. Have we taken a minute to evaluate where we are in proximity to God? He doesn’t move, He is unchanging, but life’s circumstances can cause us to fall away before we even realize how far off course we might be.

My prayers are simple and intentional.

Provision
Lord, you are everything I need. You will supply all of my needs according to your riches in glory (Philippians 4:19). Thank you that you go before me, you are here with me and you will give me everything I need to walk through this season, situation or circumstance. I trust you, God, to provide and I thank you that as I walk out my trust in you, your provision is more than I could ask for or imagine. (Ephesians S 3:20)

Protection
Lord you know me, you see me, you are with me and you never leave me. (Hebrews 13:5) God, you care about my heart, my needs, my desires and my dreams. Protect me from rejection, disappointment, frustration and fear. Keep my heart lined up with the truth from your Word and your intimate love for me. When my spouse tries to wound me with their words, protect my heart. When the world tries to wear me down, give me strength. When the enemy tries to steal, kill and destroy, show me how to walk in the full life you promised me.

Direction
God, I need you. You are the way the truth and the life. Every day I’m faced with choices and decisions that require more of me than I am confident to give. Show me your way. Teach me your ways. Guide me in all truth as only you can do.

Think It Over:
What areas of our marriage do we need God’s provision, protection, and direction?

Make a Move:
God’s Word addresses almost every problem we face. Grab a truth from the Word of God about your current struggle or situation and use that scripture as your prayer to God. Simply insert your name or need into the scripture and read it out loud whenever you need the reminder.