10/11/2021
One week ago, today, my dear friend Raegan Williamson knelt in the dirt of a rodeo arena - and over the body of her 10 year old son - and begged God for the life of her child.
Her child died.
One week ago, today, I got on a plane and left The Cleveland Clinic after watching the very first man I ever loved, my daddy, go through a quintuple bypass, and I thanked God for his faithfulness.
My dad lived.
As my plane was landing I turned on my phone; it began to ding, ding, ding, ding, with the notification of missed messages. And it was then that I learned about my friend’s son.
The first question I asked God was this one: Why would You allow a 10 year old to die but a grown man, who’s lived a full life, to live?
And here is the answer I received:
“Who do you play poker with, Melissa? Because it isn’t me.”
I don’t count cards. I don’t shuffle and then steal from the deck. I don’t bluff, I don’t blow on dice and I don’t take bets.
I don’t choose one over the other.
I never have.
I never will.
I am the God over a fallen and broken world. I don’t “take” people - I, instead, comfort the broken.
I don’t “allow people to live” - I, instead, build up the faith of the hopeless.
I didn’t take that child because I “needed him” - I need nothing.
I instead provide a place of beauty and light and peace and eternal life because when the world says “this is the end,” I say, “not even close.”
So I’m not sure who you know that manipulates the outcome - but it isn’t me. It never has been.”
I shut up and I didn’t ask another question.
Maybe you have questions though. That’s okay. You can ask them…or scream them. He’s big enough for both.
Maybe you lost your child, too.
Maybe you buried someone from Covid. Maybe you’re searching for a missing teen. Maybe you’re devastated from a divorce. Maybe you’ve been left out, picked over, marginalized or discriminated against. Maybe you just have no idea how your next bill will be paid.
If that is you, listen to me: He doesn’t manipulate the ending. He takes the ending and makes it beautiful. He rewrites the ending. He re-scores the music.
He takes ashes and makes them lovely to look at.
He takes brokenness and rearranges the pieces.
You may hate Him because you have thought for so long that He causes these things to happen. That’s okay; that’s an easy mistake to make. But you don’t have to spend another day hating Him.
You can choose, instead, to hate the broken world and the misery that lies within it. But you can, in that same breath, receive a life that isn’t marred by tragedy but marked by eternity.
Here is what you whisper, right where you are:
I have been broken. But I want to be whole. I have been lost. But I want to be found. I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want to be free. You are God and I am not. And I accept your son, Jesus, and I accept You, God. I’ve been looking for someone to take these ashes and make them beautiful. I had no idea it was You. Thank you. Amen.
And then, when your prayer is over, know that it was God - and His new little buddy, Legend Williamson - that were watching over you in this moment. Legend probably hasn’t stopped talking since last Sunday so God is probably thrilled to have gotten a break to talk to you! 😉
I love you.
And if you need me email me at [email protected]
Mel
