03/30/2019
• INVENTORY
• Don’t try this at home alone.
• This is where we openly examine and confess our faults, our fears, our pain. We chip away at the plaque that has built up over the years from our inability to look at, and deal with, the sometimes unspeakable trauma we endured as children or at any time in our past.
• How do I do it?
• Make time. Put a date and place on your calendar where you will spend time with only God and your thoughts. Job 33:33 : “Listen to me. Keep silence and I will teach you wisdom.”
• List or inventory all significant events, good or bad. Don’t judge them or even think about what you are going to do with them. Just list them. If you find yourself retraumatized by this exercise, stop, and don’t proceed until you have access to a sponsor who has worked through a similar issue, a therapist, or a councilor (church or otherwise). “Let me express my anguish. Let me be free to speak out of the bitterness of my soul.” Job 7:11
• What do I feel guilty about? Guilt simply alerts us to a problem. His spirit convicts us but does not condemn us. Romans 8:1 promises, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” For us to understand that we are not guilty (condemned) we need to accept that something is amiss, confess our wrongs, accept Jesus’ perfect forgiveness, and turn from our behavior. Once we have done these things, God is satisfied and deems us NOT GUILTY. At that point, the most likely result of holding on to the shame and guilt is relapse.
• What do I resent?
• Resentment results from burying our pain. If resentments are suppressed they lead to anger, frustration, and depression. And now science is telling us that these hidden resentments may be stored in our bodies as chronic conditions. Childhood trauma has a measurable and adverse effect on our immune systems well into adulthood. Naming and processing the trauma in a safe environment shows promise in reversing those chronic conditions.
• A psalm of David. A petition. Psalm 38 1-11
• 1 LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down on me.
3 Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
there is no soundness in my bones because of my sin.
4 My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.
• 5 My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.
6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.
8 I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.
• 9 All my longings lie open before you, Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.
11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away
• What are my fears?
• Fear prevents us from expressing ourselves honestly. When we are young or under the control of another person, especially a person who is responsible for your wellbeing, fear is a reasonable response. But once you are able to step away from that situation and into a safe recovery situation fear loses it’s power in the presence of love. Joshua 1:9, “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go.”
• Am I trapped in self-pity?
What does that look like?
• Do I make excuses?
• If such and such hadn’t… I would have been fine. Even if that’s true, you have put the problem in a place it can’t be solved, with them, outside of you and outside of your control.
• Am I trapped in dishonest thinking?
What are some examples of dishonest thinking?
I didn’t quit drinking yet because I had to throw a bachelor party for my brother. I didn’t want to be selfish.
• These are just the beginnings of the Inventory, but do not get discouraged, the wounds will not be left open.
• Isaiah 40:29 tells us that Jesus, “gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”
• If you truly seek healing, and are willing to let the spirit into your heart and mind to root out the weeds and attend to the new seeds you are planting, you can do this.
