09/02/2026
DAY 2 | When “My Way” Gets in the Way
Why is being in unity so difficult? One reason is because of our own lusts.
James 1:14 says, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.”
We all have our own way in life. We have our own desires, thoughts, opinions, and ideas about how things should be done. Most of the time, whether we want to admit it or not, it becomes our way or the highway. We will argue with people, fight with our spouse, and sometimes even fight against God because we want our own way.
Just know this: fighting God is a losing battle!
Christy and I got married in October of 1999. We came together in union—or so we thought! Within four years of marriage, we were in a battle. This was not some small disagreement between a husband and wife. This was all-out war, and for approximately ten years we went through this battle.
There were things that happened during those years that should have destroyed us. Christy truly should not even be alive today. She is only here because God loved her so much. The stress became so great in my own life that one time I rushed myself to the emergency room believing I was having a heart attack.
We tried so hard to come together, but we just could not seem to do it. Numerous times we told each other that we wanted out of the marriage. Looking at everything naturally, we probably should not even be married today. But underneath all of the anger, hurt, fighting, and pain, we both loved God, and even during all of the fighting, we actually did love each other.
Then one day something changed.
It was March of 2013 when God spoke to me personally. A few days later, something began changing in both of us. The barrier that had stood between us for years began coming down. I began to see this woman whom I had married again, and she began to see me. There was a union coming together again.
Did all of our pain suddenly disappear? NO. The hurts did not disappear. The words that had been spoken could not be unspoken. For the past thirteen years, we have had to continue fighting—but now we are fighting for something instead of constantly fighting against each other. We are fighting to protect the love and unity God restored between us.
Today, we are best friends while still being husband and wife.
Psalm 133:1–3 perfectly describes what God has taught me about unity:
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments; As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the LORD commanded the blessing, even life for evermore.”
Unity is good. Unity is pleasant. But then the Psalm ends with something even more powerful: “for there the LORD commanded the blessing.”
There is something about unity that God blesses.
Our marriage would never have survived without God. Yet one of the greatest things we had to overcome was something every one of us struggles with: SELF.
I want my way. I want to be right. I want you to understand me. I want you to change. I want things done the way I believe they should be done.
Sadly, we all fall into that trap.
If you have fallen into the trap of “my way or the highway,” just know there is a way out. Is it easy? Well, if it were easy, you probably would not be reading this. You would already be perfect!
Unity takes time. Unity takes humility. Unity takes forgiveness and a willing mind that will subject itself under a holy God.
Self likes to destroy unity, but unity with God destroys the rule of self.
This is where Proverbs 3 becomes so powerful.
Proverbs 3:5–8 says, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.”
Think about what God is telling us: “lean not unto thine own understanding.”
My understanding says, “I am right.” My understanding says, “She needs to change.” My understanding says, “He needs to apologize first.” My understanding says, “This is the way it needs to be.”
But God says: Trust Me. Acknowledge Me. Do not be wise in your own eyes.
There is the road back toward unity.
For years, Christy and I tried to fix something that neither one of us had the ability to fix on our own. We needed God to tear down what had been built between us. Unity did not come because suddenly we agreed about everything. Unity came when God began changing us.
That is why unity with God must come before true unity with one another.
If you are struggling in your marriage today, there is a way toward peace. It does not begin by figuring out how to change your spouse. It begins by trusting God enough to allow Him to change you.
Stop leaning entirely upon your own understanding. Stop being wise in your own eyes. Acknowledge Him, fear the Lord, and allow Him to direct your path.
Because self will fight for its own way. But when two people begin submitting themselves to God, the walls can begin coming down, the wounds can begin healing, and love can begin growing again.
Christy and I are living proof that a marriage can go through war and still find unity on the other side.
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”
Unity is not the absence of a battle. Sometimes unity is what God produces when we finally stop battling for ourselves and allow Him to rule us.
Brian Schreiber
