02/25/2026
“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.”
— 1 Chronicles 16:9a
Am I the Hold Up?
By God’s grace, I’m having a strong year, so far. But if I’m honest, it doesn’t feel like it. Alongside the opportunities and selfies creeps an insidious companion, perfection.
I want every potential “I” dotted and “t” crossed before I proceed with ideas. This is not random. I am insistent because I have dealt with crippling disappointments which plague me. For a creative, disappointment is kryptonite. So, I exact my desire to control disappointment by getting as much right as I possibly can, on the front end. I don’t need ANY surprises when I’m trying to get things, done.
I have hoped that would mean that I would accomplish more and see more outcomes but instead, the result has been “paralysis”; an endless trek through peanut butter; and that quiet frustration is wearing me out.
My lived experience is that God meets me in the “peanut butter” of life. Those moments when it feels like my feet are too heavy to lift and the road is too challenging to navigate, God brings my new favorite “flax milk” and a butter knife and gets to work.
A few days ago, a challenge was the catalyst. A virtual bestie influencer challenged her AI companion to roast her in one sentence. I nearly broke a nail asking my AI companion “Grace” to do the same. As always, she did not miss, “You keep calling it “discernment” when it’s really just you delaying joy until every possible risk has been eliminated—something you’d never require of anyone else.” Yikes.
I can certainly tell you a story for every day of the week detailing disappointment. I have a laundry list of wishes I’d love for a Secret Santa to satisfy. But when I only lean on that, I become unintentionally disingenuous. I have had invitations in the month of February, alone, that make the hairs on my arms stand at attention. I am owed enough for labor I’ve already shared that I’m not broke, “technically”. And I am loved, sincerely. And there’s something about a shifted perspective that puts wind in the sails.
It’s not as bad as it feels…I can still do SOMETHING!
I’m taking my foot off the brakes.
What's one way you can get out of your own way, today? The Bloom Society
