05/20/2026
🥇Local Carwashing Team to Set New Record🥇
Lakeland, FL - The Crystal Lake UMC youth carwashing team, which is set to represent the U.S.A in the 2028 Summer Olympics, is positioned to break a new record in the sport of carwash fundraising.
In the entirety of this sport, there has never been a team that hasn't missed a spot. The Crystal Lake team is driven to make history, and top analysts are convinced they're close.
Serious fans of the sport will remember that the record was almost broken by the German team in Barcelona during the 1992 Olympics. Unfortunately, just as the team was about to be given a perfect score, one of the judges, the 78-year-old grumpy Kevin, who keeps kids off his lawn, yelled out, "You missed a spot!"
Since then, no team has come close to another perfect score.
Until now.
NOT SATIRE:
The students of Crystal Lake UMC are raising money to go to camp this summer. While we cannot guarantee we won't miss a spot (it's true that in the history of carwashing fundraisers, that has never happened), we will work hard to make your car sparkle! We will also have hot dogs and lemonade! 🌭🍋🚗
⏱️Today @ 5:30-7:30 pm
📍Crystal Lake UMC - 2001 N Crystal Lake Dr.
💰By donation
We hope to see you there!