12/09/2025
✨ “THIS MARRIAGE PAIN RUNS DEEP BUT SO DOES MY GOD"!!
A raw testimony poem for Warrior Wives of Christ
My Warrior Wives of Christ…
I’m about to be real, raw, and honest.
Because sometimes the battles we fight aren’t out in the world—
they’re right inside the walls of our own homes.
I’ve carried a pain that didn’t start yesterday.
It’s been years…
years of feeling unseen, unheard, untouched, unchosen.
Years of cold nights where my husband wouldn’t sleep in the bed,
and my body learned what rejection feels like
even while wearing a wedding ring.
I felt shattered.
Like my heart cracked in places no one could see
but God heard every crack.
My self-esteem didn’t just “go down”—
it was broken in half.
Every time he ignored me,
every time he gaslit me,
every time he neglected me,
every time he chose someone or something else over me…
I felt pieces of myself dying quietly.
And even now,
even though he’s trying to do better,
even though he’s coming back to himself,
my heart doesn’t heal in one night.
Because trauma remembers.
Triggers remember.
The body remembers what the mind tries to forget.
And the hardest part?
He doesn’t understand what five years of pain does to a woman.
A praying woman.
A loyal woman.
A woman who stayed even when her insides were bleeding.
There were nights I cried so hard to God
that my own dog cried with me.
Howling at my pain like he could feel it too.
I screamed a scream that only heaven could interpret.
And I asked God,
“Why am I still here?
Why did You tell me to stay?
Why must I love someone who doesn’t love me
like Christ loves the church?”
Because the Bible tells husbands to love, to cherish, to honor…
and I felt none of that.
None.
But God…
God whispered something to me that still breaks me in half.
He said,
“I am using your love as a weapon.
I am loving him through you.
Your love will draw him to Me.”
And that hit me.
Because the love I carry—
this heavy, loyal, Christ-shaped love—
is something he’s never experienced from anybody else.
And I believe God is using that love
to bring him to repentance,
to bring him into healing,
to bring him into manhood,
to bring him into Christ.
But let me be honest—
I am not healed overnight.
I am not stitched together instantly.
I am not “better” because time passed.
This pain runs deep.
Deeper than he knows.
Deeper than he ever will understand
because he never lived what I lived.
He never cried how I cried.
He never prayed how I prayed.
He never hurt the way I hurt.
But God…
God catches every tear.
God remembers every night.
God sees every trigger.
God knows how hard it is for me to love again
while still healing from the same person
I’m trying to love.
And even if I don’t understand it all,
I know this:
I am a Warrior Wife of Christ.
I am not weak.
I am not foolish.
I am not forgotten.
My pain has purpose.
My loyalty has weight.
My heart has heaven’s fingerprints on it.
And one day, the very tears I shed
will be the testimony that brings another wife
out of the fire she thought would kill her.
Because God is not done with me.
God is not done with him.
And God is not done with this marriage.
I may be broken—
but I am still chosen.
Still covered.
Still called.
Still standing.
And that alone
is a move of God.
゚viralシ