07/10/2025
LOVE, the kind Terry and I have learned not in rose gardens, but in the ICU, at gravesides, and in the 3 a.m. silence where fear screams louder than vows. Marriage isn’t a fleeting feeling; it’s a fortress, built brick by brick in the unnoticed moments: holding her hair back as illness drains her strength, listening to his rage without flinching when grief tears him apart, changing bandages instead of bedsheets, and choosing "we" when the world suggests running. These moments, raw and uncelebrated, form the foundation of enduring love.
Love is the spark, but character is the oxygen that keeps it alive. When the winds of loss blow, when diagnoses shake the ground beneath you, when financial struggles roar louder than hope passion isn’t enough. It’s stubborn, raw devotion that carries you through. The kind that whispers, "I see your cracks. I’ll be your glue." This devotion doesn’t rely on fleeting emotions; it’s an unwavering choice to stand firm, to be present, and to hold on when everything else tells you to let go.
Forever exists not in the glittering highlights but in the gritty, unspoken spaces. It’s staying when numbness settles in, reaching out when touch feels burdensome, speaking up when silence seems easier, and choosing your partner’s tears over the tempting escape of ego. I’ve been there. When cirrhosis stole Sherry’s vibrancy, I didn’t feel romantic I felt terrified. But love isn’t a tide that ebbs and flows; it’s the anchor that holds steady. You don’t feel your way into faithfulness; you choose it, again and again, even when fear tries to convince you otherwise.
The vows we whisper in the light are tested in the shadows. When you wipe their body, hold their shame, or carry their grief as if it’s your own that’s when love becomes sacred. Not because it’s beautiful, but because it’s real. This is the covenant: I will see you when you’re invisible to yourself. I will be your harbor when you’re shipwrecked. I will love you not despite the mess, but within it. If that terrifies you, good. It should. True love isn’t safe; it’s salvation.