11/25/2025
Hi everyone!
After months of planning, Emily and I finally said, “I do…for better and worse,” on September 20, 1975. We were completely exhausted after the wedding banquet, and that night I made a mistake that could never be undone.
At the end of the banquet, the waiter asked me to pay, which I did…but I also added a 15% tip. The next morning, a thought struck me: “Why was the banquet so expensive?” Emily calmly looked at the bill and said, “The 15% tip was already included—you added another 15% on top.”
What a bummer. I called the restaurant right away, but it was too late. The manager told me, “The waiters are so thankful to have such a generous customer!” All I could say was, “You’re welcome.” Since then, I’ve hesitated to handle big payments and have gladly let Emily manage our finances—she’s simply better at it.
People often say, “opposites attract,” and that’s certainly true for us. Emily is logical, step-by-step, and detail-oriented. She loves to debug things until they work exactly as expected. I, on the other hand, think outside the box. I try to solve problems by looking for what isn’t obvious. Understanding why something happened matters far more to me than just what happened.
Yes, Emily and I have had our share of conflicts over the years because of our differences—sometimes due to different ideas, sometimes different approaches, and sometimes simply because we were looking at the same situation from completely different angles. But over time, we realized that God made us different not to create friction, but to help us complement one another. As Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Here’s what we learned: triggering events aren’t the real problem—they are only symptoms. Understanding why conflicts arise and learning how to navigate them is key to building a lasting relationship.
Over the years, Emily and I developed a simple framework for resolving conflicts, which I want to share with you:
T – Take a step back: The triggering event may not be the real cause of the conflict.
R – Reflect: Ask yourself, When did my frustration really begin? What truly triggered it?
U – Understand: Seek to understand the root cause of your feelings and the situation.
T – Truth: Use biblical truths to approach the conflict with wisdom and grace.
H – Heart-to-heart: Strengthen your relationship through honest, compassionate conversation.
May your relationships be strengthened by patience, understanding, and love.
