03/02/2026
I want to be honest with you today. Most people think of addiction recovery as stopping a substance, a behavior, or a destructive pattern—and yes, I’ve done that. I’ve walked through the pain of drugs, alcohol, po*******hy, sugar. I’ve survived homelessness, trauma, rejection, and the feeling that I had no one to protect me.
But recovery doesn’t stop there. It doesn’t stop when you quit something. For me, even after I overcame my addictions, I realized there were other behaviors, other ways I was trying to survive, that were still controlling my life.
Honesty About My Struggles:
I’ve never been the nurturing, soft, feminine type people expect. From a very young age, I had to play all roles in my life: protector, provider, dominant, resilient. I can remember being seven years old and realizing my feelings didn’t matter. I had to monitor everyone else’s feelings to feel safe. I had to make sure others were accommodated just so I could survive, just so I could feel love.
Even now, in my 50s, I am in a similar environment. I’m pushing back. I’m no longer accepting everything, but I still have control issues. I still feel like I have to manage everything around me to stay safe. I still feel the urge to maintain solutions, hold onto resources, anticipate problems before they exist. And this shows up in ways I didn’t even recognize before—like my attachment to possessions, my need to control outcomes, my difficulty letting go.
Spiritual Insight / Biblical Connection:
What I’ve learned in Celebrate Recovery—and what God has shown me—is that these behaviors are not just habits; they are coping mechanisms. They are survival strategies that once protected me but now hold me back.
Hoarding, control, anxiety about the future—these aren’t sins. They’re cries from a wounded heart. The Bible tells us in Matthew 6:25-34 not to worry, not to cling to the things of this world, and to trust that God will provide. But trusting God isn’t simple when every experience has taught you that you must rely on yourself to survive.
Teaching Point / Recovery Principle:
In CR, we talk about behaviors that keep us stuck. Addiction isn’t just chemical; it’s any behavior that gives us a false sense of control or safety. For me, holding on, over-preparing, needing to manage everything—this is still an addiction of the heart. It’s a way to survive without fully trusting God.
The principle here is awareness first, action second. Healing doesn’t start with throwing things away, or letting go of control. It starts with recognizing why letting go feels unsafe, why control has been my lifeline, and inviting God into that fear.
Steps in Recovery:
1. Name it: Acknowledge your behaviors and fears. Write them down. Admit them to God and a trusted CR group.
2. Understand it: See how these behaviors were once survival tools. Recognize the emotional wounds behind them.
3. Release it: With prayer, support, and God’s guidance, begin practicing letting go. Small steps matter. Trust the process.
4. Replace it: Fill the space with God-centered practices—prayer, service, surrender, connection, and self-compassion.
Hope:
Recovery is not just quitting addiction. Recovery is learning to let go of the false securities that once kept us alive, so we can live fully in God’s care. I am still learning, still growing, still practicing—but I have hope. And the same hope is available to you.
God doesn’t just free us from what we’ve done; He frees us from the fear and control that keep us from living in His love.
