11/12/2025
Finally .. for 30+ years all I've ever heard preachers say about Absalom was he was a charismatic pretty boy narcissist who tried to steal his daddy's kingdom 🧐 they even give warnings about letting people get too close, (you know, like a BODY 😒).
NOT 1 of the preachers have read the story themselves, apparently .. Pentecostal parrots, just repeating what they hear their card carrying brethren preach 🤮
They usually send these Absalom Warnings to each other when someone has just left their congregation, afraid they're going to take somebody with them apparently.
But if they read the entire story instead of just repeating what they heard over a Pulpit in their own Fellowship? 🤔
They would realize that if they have an Absalom that DID try to take anything over, it's probably because they were the same kind of spiritual father that David was:
passive aggressive, involved in minute details in people's lives while ignoring the big ones that are evident to everybody who ever attends a service: 🤔
handing out dress codes to 'New Converts' while ignoring Battle Axes & acting bewildered when people keep leaving 🙄
Absalom's Father David was so passive aggressive and detached from the big problems that he ignored one of his children humiliating another one, even though the Bible was clear about what the punishment had to be. 😒
And since he didn't fulfill his positional obligation to God to protect 1 of his children from the other? When the one who was openly humiliated in front of the others began withdrawing, so did he 🫣 .. secretly relieved, believing the whole thing had blown over .. 😶🌫️🫥
But it hadn't, it COULDN'T, because too many of the other children knew, and because the passive aggressive father refused to do anything?
Another brother, Absalom, had to do what his father David would not do.
And then Absalom ran for his life, running from his own father - a father who had once been a warrior, but now only showed up for photo ops on the throne, or to steal other people's wives.
So, did absalom's Father - and since we're using Absalom to reflect people in the church, we need to realize that absalom's father then is the pastor - did absalom's Father admit he was AWOL?
Did the pastor admit that he was passive aggressive? 😒
Did he admit that he only fulfilled his role when it was in the palace? 😒
Or, did it embarrass him that his spiritual son had to do what God Said MUST be done, and THAT'S why he let his son stay away from the kingdom for years without even going after the one that had left the 99?
And then
when the pastor DID let the son come back - only because someone else came and interceded (Joab) - he told them okay my son can come back to church, but he can't see my face 🤔
That's like when a pastor lets somebody come back - a pastor that always talks about Restoration in the prodigals coming home - but then makes them sit for a year, and then usually never lets them do anything again in the ministry, on the usher staff, or anything whatsoever.
And then when Absalom does leave and try to take somebody with him?
The pastor says "I KNEW it", instead of "I DID IT"
🧐💔
So preacher?
The next time you want to send a warning about Absalom?
Read the WHOLE story first - its in the Bible - and then if you can admit that YOU are David, and YOU created your Absalom?
Go ahead, send a message -
but let it be a message admitting fault,
let it be a message of repentance, let it be a message telling Absalom you are sorry,
and If your Absalom forgives you?
Learn from it & do better next time.
There is no such thing as a passive aggressive BIBLE 'undershepherd' .. deal with ALL God's children in your care, & be the father God TOLD you to be 😉
📖
David had everything Absalom wanted.
But Absalom didn't want what his father had.
He wanted what his father WAS.
"Then Absalom would rise early and stand beside the way of the gate." (2 Samuel 15:2)
Absalom positioned himself where the people gathered.
Not to serve.
To be seen.
"Whenever a man came near to bow down to him, he would reach out his hand..." (2 Samuel 15:5)
He touched them.
He listened.
He validated their grievances against his father.
"Your matters are good and right, but there is no one deputed by the king to hear you." (2 Samuel 15:3)
Translation: Your pain is real. Your king doesn't care. I do.
Absalom didn't challenge David's throne directly.
He stole the people's allegiance.
One interaction at a time.
One validation at a time.
One "I understand you" at a time.
David didn't see it.
Not until Absalom had already won.
He was too busy being king.
Letting his son run unsupervised.
Raising him in luxury.
Never asking: Who are you becoming?
Absalom became a thief.
Not of gold.
Of hearts.
He had the beauty. The charm. The access. The father's blindness.
What he didn't have was the father's authority.
So he stole it.
Slowly. Methodically. Publicly.
When David finally saw it, it was too late.
Absalom had already convinced the elders. Mobilized the people. Declared himself king.
David had to run.
His own son chased him from his own throne.
Even his advisors switched sides.
Because Absalom had done the work.
Here's what most fathers miss about rebellion:
It doesn't start with a sword.
It starts with a son given everything except PRESENCE.
It starts with a father so preoccupied with his kingdom that he forgets he's losing his son.
It starts when a boy learns that social leverage beats actual authority.
That charisma beats character.
That validation beats discipline.
Modern churches are full of Absaloms.
Young men who learned the way to power isn't through submission.
It's through charm.
Through being relatable.
Through positioning yourself where the people gather.
Through saying: I understand you. Your leaders don't.
And the pastors—the Davids—are too busy leading to notice their own sons are becoming thieves.
Thieves of loyalty.
Thieves of allegiance.
Thieves of the next generation.
Absalom's rebellion wasn't just about a crown.
It was about a father who forgot his son was watching.
Watching how he led.
Watching how he treated people.
Watching whether authority actually meant anything.
David won every battle.
But he lost his son.
Then his son took his kingdom.
Then David watched his son die in an oak tree.
Hanging by his beautiful hair.
The very thing that made him irresistible to the crowds.
The very thing that stole hearts from his father.
It killed him in the end.
This is the scandal of fatherhood:
You can't give your son everything and expect him to want nothing.
You can't be absent and expect him to stay loyal.
You can't raise him in luxury and expect him to value authority.
Absalom didn't rebel against his father's rules.
He rebelled against his father's absence.
And he weaponized every tool his father had given him, access, beauty, intelligence, position—to steal what his father wouldn't give him.
Attention.
Presence.
Actual fatherhood.
The modern Absalom doesn't need an army.
He needs a phone.
A following.
A father distracted.
And a willingness to say: I understand you better than anyone else.
Even if it's a lie.
Especially if it's a lie.
Because the people don't want truth.
They want to feel seen.
And if their actual leader won't see them...
Then they'll follow the one who pretends to.
David's downfall wasn't military.
It was relational.
He forgot that kingdoms are built on more than rules.
They're built on presence.
On attention.
On a father who knows his son well enough to see the thief before he steals.
But David was too busy being king.
So his son became a thief.
And nobody stopped him.
Until it was too late.
—TBM
