04/03/2026
Today, we reflect upon the last supper and the betrayal of Jesus. Below is a meditation for this evening, from the perspective of Peter.
Peter sat by the fire, shivering, but it wasn’t all from the cold. It was much more than that, much more. He sat, staring into the flames. They danced almost in glee it seemed, mocking him, sending him deeper into his despair.
**They took Jesus away, and I did nothing. Well, nothing helpful, as usual. I tried to protect him; I started out with my sword, but Jesus looked at me with such sadness I was undone. I failed him. “They that live by the sword, die by the sword,“ he said. I knew it wasn’t the way, but I’ve always acted first and thought later. Jesus had such patience with me, and now I’ve lost him. **
In the midst of his pain, a voice came out of the darkness. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee.” Startled, Peter denied her words. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” As she moved on, he withdrew into his thoughts.
**Yes, I was with Jesus in Galilee. Those were wonderful days - days when we could listen to his kind and gentle words. Days when we would marvel at the miracles he could do. Days when we could feel his love and compassion for the hurting people that came to him. Days when we could sit at his feet and just listen as he taught us kingdom things. **
Peter left the fire, restless - where to go, what to do - it was all a blur in his tormented mind. Then again a voice, another girl, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.” With a curse he spat out, “I don’t know the man!”
**Really? I don’t know Jesus? I do know Jesus. I love him. And I’ve lost him. And I can’t do anything to help him. Why? I always have answers. Well, I always think I have answers like when I pulled my sword in the garden. But who am I fooling? My answers are too quick, too impulsive, and most often wrong. Yet Jesus, my teacher, always helped me to understand, to look at things a different way. As tonight when my violent act was useless and unwelcome. Oh Jesus. Why couldn’t I ever get it right? I love you so much. I only want to please you. I want to honor you, protect you; I don’t want to lose you. I need you. **
Peter’s distress was so great he clenched his hands into fists, wanting to punch out at someone, anyone. He jumped suddenly to his feet to go - wherever, but before he could move yet another voice spoke. “Surely you are one of them for your accent gives you away.” Peter stared at the men standing in front of him. Will it never end? Will these people never leave me alone? Cursing, he yelled at them, “I don’t know the man!” He sat again, exhausted by guilt and grief, by the sleepless and unnerving night.
** I remember once when my answer was the right one. When I confessed to Jesus that I believe he is the Messiah who is to come. I think he was pleased, though he told us all not to spread that word. Yes, he is our Messiah, but now he’s been arrested and I don’t think his trial will go well. What will we do without him? What will we do without Jesus? While he pondered this difficult question he suddenly realized that a rooster was crowing. Oh, Jesus! How could I? You know me too well. It was just as you said—three times I would deny you. And I was hurt to hear you say that, and shocked, and all I could think was, “No, Lord. I will never deny you!” But I did. **
Then Peter wept, and he ran away into the darkness. But he could not run from the pain of denying his Lord.
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A song to mark the occasion:
performed by Ian Galipeau words by WIlliam B. Tappan, 1822 music by Ian Galipeau, 2021
