06/04/2025
Is it your fault?
“Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse.”
Why does this matter? That is, this conversation about addiction and where it comes from. Turns out that sin feels like freedom until you try to stop. And, where you come from probs has a lot to do with it.
I felt like I was in transition all of my teenage years. I battled the voices that told me daily, that I was worthless and unlovable. I was difficult sure, but these lies stripped the skin of my flesh exposing all the nerves.
Drugs, s*x, and alcohol were a few of my generational partnerships. As a 15-year-old I didn’t even know why I was drawn to co***ne and other party vices that my friends saw & could easily identify the risks.
It’s like there was an ache inside of me that I didn’t give rise to. It suggested I partake in destructive patterns that numbed the truth as to not feel the depth of abandonment.
Have you ever felt this way?
Into my 20’s, it felt like I had to just come to terms with reality that suffering is normal and Christlike. He was only here for a short while, but he displayed how he can relate to us, let me explain.
Christ suffered for things in which he did not cause. Like you and I, he felt the brunt of a destructive force.
Someone else’s sin.
Like a wildfire that burns through the forest, destroying everything in its path he was eliminated on our behalf. A man, that laid down his life so that we could experience a freedom that our fathers could never give.
Some time after the black char settles, new life emerges. Life that is precious and rich in potential. Life that is essential in the network of interdependency in the forest of our hearts.
Whether we want to admit it or not in the absence of our father, something is going to grow. There is great potential for both light or darkness to grow.
You can become someone that blesses or can become someone who curses with ignorant dissent. And in my case, I could even do both in the same 10 minutes.
I found that the only way out of a life of addictive patterns was to except the free gift of life from Christ and then walk as he did.
Come on the opposite Spirit.
Jesus-"bless those who curse you and pray for those who mistreat you" Luke 6:28
This is a wild concept that takes time and a lot of practicing words that you might not feel or mean at first. In reality, we are mirroring God‘s own mercy, and grace for those who have not yet received the gift of life.
The alternative is to let anger and resentment grow and odds are we become like those who hurt us the most.
How do we bless those that have cursed us while we are suffering and in transition?
For me, it was just a simple step of obedience. At some point, I started to believe the voices and actively participated in drug use, s*x, and drunkenness. I had to ask God for forgiveness and HELP moving forward, not like my parents did.
You know what he did?
He sent his Holy Spirit to guide me and be my friend. Over time the risky behavior turned into a selfless dedication to my husband and kids. Eventually I even opened my heart up to a new kind of risk, missions.
And somewhere over the course of my 30’s I started to be able to see my dad as God sees him. Not completely, of course, but when I started to pray my mindset shifted from being a victim to being someone that can bless.
To say that I don’t battle with addictive behaviors now wouldn’t be honest. I do, and I do still long for the love of an earthly father. I don’t think the suffering is supposed to end until we are complete and fully in Christ’s presence.
In the meantime, we’re called to take it one day at a time, rest in knowing we are loved by an eternal God that calls himself Father….while we suffer with the earthly ramifications of not having an earthly one.
To say that this pain ever goes away, would mean that I was still numb and too scared to feel real feelings. God only knows what you have been through, he knows the real you. He SEES you & loves you as you are. And he loves you enough to not leave you that way he carries you from season to season helping you be transformed. 
God has and is healing my emotions and I think it’s brave to say that we miss the relationship that God intended my father to love me with. I don’t think it hurts the heart of God.
We can do both, be loved by an eternal God and yet suffer the loss of life shaping relationships. I walk with a spiritual limp & I’m done pretending like it doesn’t exist.
Practice today praying for your father. This is a bold move, to transcend your own emotions and offer kindness to somebody that has offered you at best, his absence. If your father has passed away before you could get to this cliffs edge, do it anyway. Picture yourself going back to a time when you missed him most & invite Jesus in. Then ask God to heal the splintered of parts of your heart so you can become the woman He intended you to be.
Free.
So is it your fault if the fatherless you find yourself addicted to p**n, drugs, insert any other addictive force HERE?
I’m going to let you take that to God to flesh out. Let me know how it goes.
-Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington, DC,
