05/22/2026
“Have you ever left a meeting only to discover that apparently, we were all just in the same different meeting? Or sent a perfectly innocent e-mail or text and been appalled to learn how it was re-ceived? It seems one of the most common outcomes of communication is misunderstanding.
Why? All conversations are with myself, and
sometimes they involve other people.
This is true in the sense that we all un-
consciously, automatically put our own interpretation or spin on the words of others. No matter what a person says, we decide what he or she really means by it and then we operate as if our interpretation, our "story" is true, without checking it out. He said this. You heard that. You intended one thing; however, the recipient of your message gave your words a tone, an intent, a meaning that never even crossed your mind. How many times have you said to someone, "I wish we had recorded
that conversation because it would prove that I never said..." or "I did say..."? Each of you was convinced your interpretation was the right one. There are not enough emojis in the world to ensure that your e-mails and texts are "heard" in the way you intend.
We are constantly interpreting everything
we hear others say. And constantly being interpreted in turn. Studies have shown that misinterpretations cost companies many millions each year. And they are serious stumbling blocks for relationships. It is not difficult to understand how misunderstandings and conversational flybys occur, given that each of us experiences life through our unique context the filter we will look at in chapter one, consisting of our strongly held opinions, beliefs, and attitudes, which have been shaped and reinforced over a lifetime, and became "truths" at some point in our lives. Our context shapes the internal conversation we are having with ourselves all day, every day. We couldn't stop it if we wanted to.
William Jennings Bryan wrote, "Two people in a conversation amount to four people talking. The four are what one person says, what he really wanted to say, what his listener heard, and what he thought he heard." Spending time with those who misinterpret us in almost every conversation will cause relationships to stall or end. On the other hand, what about our possible misin-terpretations, the context through which we filter everything we hear? For now, just consider that all of us are interpreting everything we hear or read all the time and are often getting it wrong.”
- Susan Scott (from the book Fierce Conversations)
