04/30/2026
Free workshop for someone struggling with their relationship with their mother.
If you've ever wondered whether you have a mother wound, or felt that something about your relationship with your mother was off but couldn't put words to it, this is for you.
There are seven types of mother figures I often see in my work. Six of them leave a wound. One of them doesn't.
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First, what is a mother wound?
A mother wound is a psychological and emotional injury that comes from growing up with a mother figure who wasn't emotionally attuned or available to you.
Most mother wounds don't involve physical abuse. Many come from mothers who were physically present but emotionally checked out. A mother who was always home, but who started drinking at 3pm and was passed out by 8:30, wasn't really there.
A mother who took care of every practical need but couldn't meet you emotionally wasn't really there either.
And you don't have to be raised by your biological mother to have a mother wound. Whoever your mother figure was — a foster mom, a grandmother, an aunt, an older sister — if she couldn't give you what you needed, that left a mark.
Many of us in this community minimize what we went through. "It wasn't that bad." "Other people had it worse." "She did her best." What you experienced matters, no matter how others had it.
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TYPE 1: THE HOT-OR-COLD MOTHER
This mother figure couldn't regulate her own emotions. Erratic behavior. Mood swings. Anxiety or depression that ran the household.
You never knew what you were going to get. The unpredictability created a chaotic home where you were always walking on eggshells, scanning for what mood she was in today.
You learned to become invisible to stay out of the line of fire. You became hypervigilant. If you have trouble regulating your own emotions today, this dynamic might be why.
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TYPE 2: THE ROLE REVERSAL MOTHER
You took care of the person who was supposed to be taking care of you. This is called parentification.
How is a 7-year-old supposed to take care of a 40-year-old? You weren't equipped for it, but you did your best anyway. And it created deep wounds. Fear of abandonment. The sense that you had to do it all yourself or no one would.
In adulthood, you may be the one in your friend group who reads everyone's moods, knows what everyone needs, and quietly handles it all. You may have a hard time letting anyone take care of you. You may control outcomes because letting go feels unsafe.
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TYPE 3: THE SELF-OBSESSED MOTHER
Everything centered on her. You were an extension of her, not a separate person.
The family system organized around her needs, her moods, her version of events. She may have had narcissistic tendencies. As her child, you learned not to shine too brightly because shining felt threatening to her.
Today, you might be the one your friends turn to. You're a great problem-solver. You know how to make everything about them. But you're tired, because you've never really been allowed to take up space yourself.
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TYPE 4: THE BFF MOTHER
She wanted to be your friend before she was your parent. She hung out with your friends. She told you things that weren't appropriate for a child to hear. She treated you as an equal when you needed her to be the adult.
This dynamic creates blurred boundaries that can persist into adulthood. It can be hard to individuate from a mother who wanted you to be her friend.
You can love your mother. You can be close to her. But she should always have been the parent first. When the friend role takes over, the child loses out.
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TYPE 5: THE PERFECTIONIST MOTHER
Anxious. Controlling. Hypercritical of herself, and of you. Nothing was ever quite good enough.
You may have grown up feeling like you could never get it right. That feeling may still be running your life today. If 98% of what you did went well and 2% didn't go as planned, you focus on the 2%. You can't see the 98%.
Your worth got tied to your performance. Achievements, accomplishments, looking the part. In a healthy household, you would have been loved for who you are, not for what you produced.
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TYPE 6: THE GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER
This is the one that doesn't leave a wound.
She wasn't perfect. She didn't need to be. She was the parent, not your friend. She had boundaries. She regulated her own emotions. She had a life of her own and didn't need you to fulfill her.
If you grew up with a good enough mother, you had room to make mistakes, to grow, to become your own person. You have an inner sense of safety. If you fail today, you know it's not the end of the world.
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TYPE 7: THE UNAVAILABLE OR REJECTING MOTHER
She couldn't meet your physical or emotional needs. She may have provided food and shelter, but she wasn't there with you in the way a child needs.
You may have grown up feeling unloved. Or rejected. Or invisible. Sporadic attunement creates inconsistency in your relationship with yourself, because that early relationship shapes how you see yourself for the rest of your life.
She was there. But she wasn't there.
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If any of these felt familiar, you're not alone.
The mother wound is an invisible scar. It shows up in adulthood as low self-esteem, difficulty setting boundaries, perfectionism, codependency, or relationships that just don't seem to work the way other people's do. And because nobody can see the wound, most women carry it alone.
You don't have to.
On Thursday, April 30th at 5:30 pm ET, I'm hosting a free live workshop called Let's Talk About Mother Wounds. A judgment-free space for everything you've wanted to say about your mother but never could.
No one telling you "but she's your mother." No one rushing you to forgive. Just women being witnessed in a space that feels safe.
If you recognized yourself in any of these seven types, come find the rest of us.
Save your spot: terricole.com/mothertalk
Free to attend. Recording available if you can't make it live.
Tell me in the comments — which type felt the most familiar?
