07/24/2026
In his book I'd Like You More If You Were More Like Me, Pastor John Ortberg talks about a concept from psychology called "bids." "A bid can be a question, a gesture, a look, a touch, any single expression that says, 'I want to feel connected to you.'" (p. 68) A bid is a relational invitation, seeking deeper connection. Since Christ calls us to grow in love for one another, we should take these bids for connection seriously.
Sometimes people say meaningful things that no one picks up on. They might say, "I don't think I'll ever call my mom again." Such a statement is often a quiet bid for connection, expressing a longing to be heard and understood. We can respond, "Oh, really? May I ask why?" They may not feel ready to share in that moment, but simply acknowledging their words sends a powerful message: "I care."
Do we imagine love to involve only big, dramatic gestures and great sacrifices? Sometimes it does. But more often, love is expressed in small, everyday moments as we notice and respond to another person's bid for connection.
After learning about "bids for connection" from Pastor Ortberg, I'm trying to include this idea in my daily prayers.
"Lord of love, give me ears to hear and eyes to see every bid for connection that comes my way today. Help me respond to each one with thoughtful love. Develop my ability to connect with others in ways that meet them where they are. In Your name I pray. Amen."
- Pastor Rob Byker
