Fran Fran and Papa Bill Buchanan

10/07/2024

07/08/2022

MY sister posted this from her memories yesterday. Happier times, when mom was up and around, before she was bedridden during her last couple years of life.

Mama loved her great grands! They brought so much joy and smiles to her face! Just seeing them together in this photo provides just a small inkling of the reminder that existed between Julian and FranFran!

Their lives of school, sports, friends and other activities take up most of Julian’s and Ember’s lives nowadays. I don’t know how much they remember my mother. And, that would be just fine with Mama!

She would want the best for them and for them to have the fullest, most complete lives available to them.

She would want them to have fun
She would want them to have success!
She would want them to have families and joy and great expectations for the lives to be lived day by day, month by month and year by year!

That would bring another smile to her face, lost tooth and all!

02/21/2022

From September 17, 2021

I’m taking a chance with this! I’m opening myself up in ways I rarely have. So, here goes!

6 Months Later…

Hey God, I want you to know I’m here and I’m still hurting! Man, why don’t you do something about this?

Mom and dad went to see you 6 months ago! They get to be in your presence day after day! But, where does that leave ME GOD? I’m all alone!!

I know Your Word says that’s not true, that You’re closer to us than a brother, and You won’t leave us orphans, but, God, I’ve got to be honest! I’m just not feeling it! (I know it’s about faith and not feelings! Please, no platitudes!)

Where’s the comfort and the camaraderie I’m supposed to know by Your Spirit and through Your people? ‘Cause, I gotta tell ya, it ain’t really coming through!

I turn on YouTube and listen to praise music almost daily! I even lift my hands in praise just like when I’m in church! In those moments I feel you near. I read, study and write almost every day so I can come to know You better through Your Word. I pray for people who send their prayer requests for healing, power and intervention. WHY CAN’T I GET SOME OF THAT! I need it, God!

Oh, I know, I sometimes push people away because I’m certain of my beliefs, I’m outspoken and opinionated, and I rarely back down. I’m pretty stubborn! It’s why I don’t have that many friends and it’s why I need YOU more than ever!

Normally, I hold things pretty close to my chest! I try not to show weakness because I’m afraid doing so would fail those around me!

I watch tv and cry because of something I see that reminds me of mom and dad! Someone in a hospital bed, someone dying and sometimes it’s just hearing the words “I love you” and realize I no longer have someone to whom I can speak those words or from whom I can even hear those words.

Where are You, God? I’d really like to know! Because now, I’m all alone! And it hurts! It really, really hurts!

Sometimes I wonder how to go on! But, everyday I get up and put one foot in front of the other. I’m making it, at least I think I am, but man some days are harder than others!

Help me, God! Please, help me! I need You!

Randy Buchanan, Your adopted son. Please help!

02/21/2022

From a comment in a group, February 17, 2021

I’m in that spot now. Not so much toxic thoughts as much as anxious thoughts.

Mom and dad both came down with septic UTIs and were hospitalized. They recommended hospice services for both with their discharge. The decision process was where the anxiety entered.

Two weeks ago mother could hold a regular conversation but mostly now she just says, “help me” and groans. Occasionally she’ll say, “I love you too” or “hey honey” but those are few and far between. 😭😢😩

In comparison to mom, dad’s doing great. He’s happy with his breakfast muffins, his books and his newspapers! He doesn’t eat or drink as much as I’d like but he’s generally healthy and communicative.

So, my anxiety is not a limitation placed upon God as much as it is an expression of the love I have for my parents and their well-being.

12/31/2021

From June 18, 2019

Due to dad not being able to swallow without everything aspirating to his lungs the hospital is not providing food or his medication any longer. As a result we have been placed in a position to make one of the most difficult choices of life. DNR or no DNR. If he is placed on DNR he can eat, drink and take his meds with little to no liability for the hospital. Mother, my sisters, and I believe this may be the best thing for father even though it is very emotionally devastating to ourselves. But, we want what is best for him because we know he has always been a man of God and the best man I’ve ever known. Mom, Vicki and I have cried many tears today being confronted from this decision.

But, dad was an AG preacher’s kid who joined the Navy at the age of 17. He served as an aircraft mechanic and retired as an aircraft mechanic instructor. He kept the planes flying sometimes working 12, 15, 20, hours or more. He even got sucked into a turbine and lived to tell about it because the pilot, who turned on the plane saw his legs being pulled in and killed the engine. While this was going on mom had Vicki and me at the doctors. After arriving home mother saw the chaplain walking up to the house! She just knew daddy was dead! Chaplains don’t often make house calls unless something terrible has happened! He had 6 cracked ribs, which back then they taped. Unfortunately, he had an allergy to the adhesive! When it looked like we could go to war during the Cuban Missile Crisis he worked 32 hours straight to check and repair planes should we go to war! They brought sandwiches to the mechanics while they worked.

Mother told me that after I was born, while dad was in Japan, when he came home I wouldn’t have anything to do with him at first! After all, we hadn’t been introduced yet! But, about two hours later I warmed up to him and the love has never stopped!

He met mom while he was stationed in Pensacola. She attended First Assembly of God and that’s where she and dad met. This August 5 would be their 70th wedding anniversary, God willing!

His parents pastored AG churches in Detroit and helped establish First Assembly in Jacksonville, Ms. I’m not too sure of the other places they pastored but they were licensed in 1917 about 3 years after the AG started! They instilled a still, quiet and faithful attitude and faith in their son and my father! Which was good since he and mom would end up raising a child labeled, at that time, as mentally re****ed due to my being hit by a truck at the age of 22 months. I went into classes for the mentally re****ed and when dad retired from the Navy he and mom moved us to Dallas so I could receive a better opportunity at education!

He stood firm with my mother when she received the call her baby sister had been murdered on October 16, 1970 in Pensacola. I still remember her bloodcurdling scream as her brother gave her the news! Mother wanted to adopt her sister’s daughter so dad agreed and mom returned to Pensacola. It took some time but eventually they adopted their niece and raised her as their own.

No matter what happens, we all know the arms of Jesus are waiting to usher Billy Gene Buchanan into eternity with Him.

This is one of those situations where when we don’t know how to pray the Holy Spirit prays for us!

Tears have flowed in every thought and on every line as I share the blessing my father has been!

Please pray with us and with the Holy Spirit that God’s will be done! Also, I need your prayers to be strong for mother as the time approaches when the man she has loved for more than 70 years enters his eternal home with Jesus.

12/25/2021

Well, mom and dad, today is Christmas, the first one in the condo without either of you.

I can’t express in words how much you both have been missed these past 9 months. But, now, from Thanksgiving to Christmas, it’s been especially hard. Tears have been cried almost every day leading to the holidays.

I’ve been crying a lot! I’m crying right now! I can hear momma now, when tears came to my eyes when she was in pain I couldn’t stop! She’d try to comfort me, telling me, “Don’t cry! Don’t cry! Please, don’t cry. STOP IT!”

When I was supposed to help her, but couldn’t, she tried to comfort me!

How I miss getting up every morning and heating dad a blueberry muffin for breakfast and fixing mother her oatmeal, or scrambled eggs. How I miss going to Sam’s this time of year and buying dad a new James Patterson book even though he never remembered if he’d read a book once or a hundred times because of his dementia. How I miss going with mom, before she was bedridden, to Ross, HomeGoods, Kohls, and Kirklands. How many times did she help me shop for Christmas presents my A-Team at Goodwill?

I know they’re both with Jesus but I miss them so much it hurts! Sometimes I wonder if I deal with all the hurt brought on by sorrow. Sometimes I think I just wish I could join them. But, I don’t think God’s finished with me yet. I’ll go on. I’ll survive.

I’m thankful that through all this I’ve had pastors asking about how I’m doing. I usually don’t open up much but I know they care. I know they’re praying for me. I know they’re there. That’s a comfort!

Just last night, Christmas Eve, three pastors asked how I was doing!

So, mom and dad, I just wanted to let you know I love you! Yeah, I’m hurting. Yeah, I’ve cried almost daily, and for sure weekly, since you joined our Savior in eternity.

But, it’s going to be okay. I’ll be okay! Mama, I still hear you, “Don’t cry! Don’t cry baby! I love you! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!”

But, right now mama, I can’t stop. Some day the tears may come less often, but today, Christmas Day, I really, really miss you and daddy!

I know you’re not here! I know you’ll never read a word of this but, hopefully, all I’ve said you both have known.

One final word, I LOVE YOU BOTH! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Your son,
Randy