06/20/2023
Stop 'Over-Talking' Them!
I HATE bad communication habits! Yep, Hate'em. And number 1 on my list is when confusion and contention abound between two people and while trying to talk it out, one person interrupts and attempts to 'talk over' the other person. Especially when ground rules have been set on how this conversation is to take place. When a person tries to 'over-talk' you, one of three things is usually going on:
1) They're actually attempting to be deceptive. Something about what the other person is saying is about to expose some truth about them that they don't want heard, either because it's embarrassing, damaging, or hurtful. Or....
2) They're selfishly feeling & thinking that what 'they' have to say is all the 'truth' that needs to be heard and shared. It is an aggressive form of disrespect that underlies a deeper issue! Or...
3) The other person is dead wrong about everything and therefore their voice need not be heard nor their perspective understood!
All of these answers identfy deeper problems but do nothing to resolve any issue between twqo struggling individuals and in fact, quickly adds fuel to an already chaotic situation.
To begin the trek to resolution, Try these steps:
1) Stop Interrupting! Understand that in order to repair your relationship, YOU must allow the other person to be heard...CLEARLY! Agree to take turns talking and then while they're speaking, just Shut Up & Listen!
2) Listen For Real Understanding!
Don't just listen. Listen to what they're saying without 'judging' what they're saying. Did you know that you can clearly listen and understand what someone is saying without agreeing with what was said? Whether you agree with what's being said or not, you MUST allow them to share their truth from 'their' perspective.
3) Stop The Negative Body Language!
Understand that you can interrupt your spouse when they're speaking without ever saying a word. Yes, you can. Eye rolls, lip smacking, negative head shaking, exasperating breathing sounds, and sudden body shifting & quick arm crossing are all 'body-language' interruptions that are heard loud & clear by your spouse while they are trying to share their perspective of the issue! But you already knew this...right?
4) Listen For Their Heart
The advantage of truly letting your better half speak & be heard is that if you stop interrupting, you just may hear their heart, and get an understanding of what has been sabotaging your relationship all along. The miracle bonus of doing this is that many times the bigger issue between you and your partner is that they feel they have never truly been heard by you. But now that you've heard their heart, they know you've heard...THEM!
๐Epilogue
Like we've said here many times before, communication is one of the first places that satan attempts to create discord, chaos, and disarray in order to break up not just any marriage, but YOUR marriage. Read that one again!
Shoring up this area of your relationship will bring HUGE dividends to both you and your spouse & your entire family as a whole. The very moment that your spouse knows that they've truly been heard, whatever the problem is that exists between you both will usually shrink to a very manageable level and will eventually become a nonfactor altogether!
Remember, God gave us all a voice for a reason...
"Everyone wants what they speak to be heard!"
---Rev
THE WORDโ๏ธ๐
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Remember, Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. Don't let unwholesome foul, profane, worthless, vulgar words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear you speak."
---Jam 1:19, Prov 18:2, Eph 4:29 [Emphasis mine]
