Arms of Love Family Fellowship

06/20/2022

There is a lot that the Bible says about eyes that is often lost on those of us in a culture that doesn't use the same imagery. We are told that he who has an eye to see will see. This is obviously true in the physical body. It is more often referencing spiritual things. It's a metaphor! The eyes are the window to the soul.

The Bible talks about God opening people's eyes to spiritual matters. And scales fall away from people's eyes so they can see.

If a parable talks about eyes it's time to tune in to what is happening because you're reading a metaphor!

Sometimes a parable will center someone with "dim" eyes. Tune into the story and see what is happening. Dim eyes are barely open - now imagine a stingy person and see what your face does. Does it get tight and squinty? This is a person looking at the world with suspicion. They are so busy protecting their possessions that they have closed their eyes to keep out the threats from the outside world.

And then there's a very important teaching in Matthew 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

This is how Jesus wraps up an important message about not judging others because how we judge others will be how we are judged. He explains that we can't judge others because we can't see them clearly. Why? The log in our eye.

Some teachers suggest that the "chip" we are trying to get out of our neighbors eye is really a reflection of the log in our eye. This makes sense as what bothers us in others is, very often, something about ourselves we hate. If you judge yourself harshly as being "fat" you will be critical of every body that is not whatever size you have idolized. You will be judgmental of anyone who is eating food you have deemed bad. You will hate "skinny" people because you are jealous, or because you believe they have some special ability you don't have - maybe you think they just have it easier and that's not fair.

But if you allow your eyes to open to your own beauty and how fearfully and wonderfully made you are. . . if you find gratitude that your body has housed your soul all these years and kept you alive despite whatever you have gone through . . . you stop looking at other people's bodies as well. Because you understand - your eyes have been opened to the truth that - none of that matters.

When you stop judging your neighbor as you judge yourself, you are free to start loving your neighbor as you love yourself.

If you look at others and see them as anything other than image bearers of God, you have some work to do. You've got a log blocking your vision. Tune into what you are judging, and that will indicate where you can start working on yourself.

01/11/2020

‘Train up a child in the way he should go’ when examined in the Hebrew is more like ‘steep your child in the life you want to have be a part of who he is’. Think of a tea bag dropped into hot water. It doesn’t put tea in the water. It changes the water into tea. More than anything you say or do it is the existence of being in your home and your family that determines who your children will become. Your traditions, your faith on display for them, who you are and how you treat them are the context of their lives. If you want a child who loves God and loves their neighbor as themselves you would do well to become a person who loves God and loves your neighbor- including your child in the next bedroom - as yourself.

10/21/2019

Thoughts from the Sukkah day 7 where I address issues of theology as they relate to guilt and shame.

I was up far too late last night and didn't get this posted so I made some notes and then wanted to tackle it first thing this morning. Today I want to talk about how our understanding of shame vs guilt plays into and is influenced by our theology. A lot of people are really focused on trying to...

10/21/2019

Here is the Thoughts from the Sukkah for day 5. It gets slightly political so I wanted to have it double checked by someone on my team. . . . Day 7 will be coming shortly. I'm a day behind in getting them posted.

Sometimes when you're abused you feel guilty - maybe you allowed yourself to participate in something you know is wrong. At least that's how you perceive it - with or without the suggestion of the abuser - and unless someone challenges that it's easy to think it's your responsibility to fix it...

10/20/2019

There is a day 5 but it's pending review . . . so here's day 6 (a little late - last night was a very long busy night).

Sometimes I feel shame and I haven't even done anything wrong. Nothing at all to feel guilty about and I'm over in a corner beating myself up. My children were raised without shame. Well, as without shame as parents who live with shame can raise children. It's amazing to see how confident and...

10/17/2019

Day 4 and my musings go from personal to meta

Last night I slept hard and today I woke up with a sense of relief that I wasn't going to spend another whole day working on the suit. That is the relief of making the right choice about how to handle something. The effort and energy would have been very well spent if they were going to result...

10/17/2019

The suit is just the context . . .

So update on the suit . . . I mostly finished the jacket but when it was tried on the arms were a little too short. Not such a big deal but enough of an issue that I am going to stop and he's going to wear the backup suit that I bought. And this is where the shame lurks at the corners of my soul...

10/16/2019

Thoughts from the Sukkah day 2 . . . and why it's taken me so long today to post this :)

Guilt is a feeling. It feels dark, and lonely. It's as if there is a disconnect between you and the one you wronged. . . God, someone you care about, maybe even yourself. Shame is more than a feeling. It is a state of being. I know I'm in a shame spiral when my self talk becomes critical and...

10/14/2019

It's time again for Thoughts From The Sukkah! This is one of my favorite times to blog each year about different topics.This year I've been focused on guilt and shame - the differences and the damage we do when we don't understand them. More importantly, how we can change our lives and the lives of our family by understanding them.

I have had a lot of focus in the past few months on the difference between guilt and shame and it seemed the perfect focus for the High Holy Days. I thought I would continue it in my ponderings this year from the comfort of my sukkah. So here I sit and ponder the...

10/04/2019

There are three main approaches to parenting: Punitive, Non-Punitive and Negligent. In my experience most people who think they are punitive are really negligent - they don't want to be punitive so they do nothing until they can't take it anymore. GBD is non-punitive but it is very high discipline and high engagement! It's active, respectful, kind and focused on the big picture and who you want your chid to become. If you're frustrated today it's not because you need to just give up and embrace punishment. Try stepping up and being more engaged and involved so that you can stop the behaviour before it happens or as it happens - for example, if you're going to take your toddler off of the couch and s***k them try taking them off of the couch without the s***king. It works just as well without damaging the relationship!

Be encouraged today! And if you're struggling with a particular behaviour check out AOLFF.org or post here and let's get you some ideas! An empowered parent raises an empowered child!

09/08/2019

So many people seem to think God can’t be in the presence of sin. That is an utter myth. Sin isn’t God’s kryptonite. God is holy fire and sin burns up in his presence. We can’t go into the presence of God covered in sin without burning up in his holy fire. To prevent that God taught us how to live righteously and took care of the ‘problem of sin.’ It’s not one or the other. Taking care of the problem of sin having separated us from God allows us to fully be in relationship with God. Living righteously allows us to fully be in relationship with each other. Both matter.