06/08/2026
From Father Francis:
GRIEVING THE LOSS OF A BABY (BY DIANE MEDINA)
A message for parents who are grieving a loss
Please feel free to share. I tried my best to convey this message. Feel free to edit anything you feel I may have said wrong.
In the initial stage of finding out that you and your spouse are expecting a baby, there is much joy—new expectations, excitement, and wondering about names, genders, looks, and personalities. Life feels sweet in only the way a parent's heart can feel. It is also, in a way that only God can feel, for He is the ultimate creator and Father, and the only one capable of feeling and comprehending the heart of a parent.
However, sometimes during the pregnancy, or perhaps even shortly after, for reasons unknown to us, the life we imagined with this beautiful child does not come to fruition. This can be a whirlwind of pain—physical, mental, spiritual—confusion, sadness, and even anger.
So many questions may feel unanswered: Why did this happen? Was this my fault? What did I do wrong? Where was God when this happened? Where is my baby now? How will I obtain closure?
It is the equivalent of feeling a sharp blow to the most painful part of your soul, and not being able to change it. This is an important point I will return to later.
Having felt this pain myself twice, I can testify that these were questions that circulated through my mind. This stage lasted not days or months, but years. During this time of grief, I was overtaken by pain at first, followed by a deep numbness, which helped to mask the pain, but did not in any way allow me to raise my eyes toward Christ.
And so, the question often comes to mind: Has Jesus ever left me? Can Jesus feel my pain?
After many years of prayer, communion, and the faithful act of confession, I have come to this conclusion: a message I would like to share with all. And that is, we may not necessarily obtain these answers during our lifetime. And that is OK. Because the truth is, we may not really need these answers. We need one thing, and one thing only: the faith and consolation we find in God the Father, who witnessed His Only Son die for our sins, and the mercy of the Son Himself, who willingly laid down His life for us, and in the Holy Spirit, who receives us with ultimate Peace.
Also, remember what I said earlier, the pain of the loss of a child is the equivalent of feeling a sharp blow to the most painful part of your soul, and not being able to change it. It is important because it is the pain of our Mother Mary. That has a beauty of its own. It makes your heart closer to that of the Virgin Mary, in whom I fully found myself embraced. I found courage in her strength, and above all, in her ultimate obedience to the Will of God.
And so I ask you, fellow mom and dad. Feel what you need to feel. Cry what you need to cry. When you have finished, and God has wiped every tear, do not let yourselves be consumed by sorrow, because in Christ we find the ultimate redemption and reward. Rather, rest in His infinite mercy and in Mary’s obedience, which leads us directly to her Son.
Rest assured, that every single one of us was created with purpose. We were all created with a purpose that only God sees the full picture of. It is not for us to know everything or to understand everything. It is not for us to carry that. Rest assured, that though the time was short, their mission was complete in the eyes of our Lord. Our perception of time and of completion is not the same as that of our Lord’s. We do not need to see to believe; rather, we find freedom in His trust. Just as Jesus calmed the seas, He calms our hearts with this faith. And where is your child now? In the merciful arms of God. In their short time, they fought the Good Fight and finished the race, like Saint Paul.
Our children are very much alive in the eternity of Heaven, and perhaps, if it is the will of God, we may find all the answers when we meet our Creator.
Why did this happen? (We do not know, but seek to accept that their lives were meaningful and complete.) Was this my fault? (No, not at all.) What did I do wrong? (Nothing.) Where was God when this happened? (Present, and very much feeling the heart of a mother or father in a way only He can.) Where is my baby now? (With our Lord.)
How will I obtain closure? In God, through His Holy Communion, confession, and adoration, and through His Mother, Blessed Virgin Mary!
What exactly were the missions of the two children that I lost? I believe they had the same mission: to make me stronger. I saw a post on social media that said, “Thank you, Lord, for rebuilding me, but at what point will it be enough? I’ve gone through so much already,” And someone else replied, “until your spirit looks like that of the Lord’s.” After that, I did not need to ask any more questions. I understood. The Lord will do what He needs to do, and I am not one to question it. The clay does not know when the potter is done.
