Amani Mediation and Counseling

03/10/2023

We’ve all been there—stuck in a cyclical narrative, frustrated in our relationship, tired of the constant fighting and bickering, feeling exhausted and drained, and thinking to yourself "if my partner would just change, it would all be better."

But is that true?

All relationships are a dance. We each play a role, which means, in order to shift a dynamic, we all need to own our part. Getting out of the loop of constant blame and examining our own rigidity can shift the whole story.

One step leads to another and at first, it may feel unnatural to engage in such choreography—articulating our feelings while consciously allowing room for the other’s perspective. But creating new patterns of mutual self-awareness and affirmation is the key to improving our relational dynamics. If you only think things will get better when your partner makes the change, you're still in the same format.

Let's Turn the Lens on You:

What are some of the common ruts you get into with your loved ones?

Identify one element of that rut for which you are perennially responsible.

What kind of triggers make you defensive in this situation?

What do you think might happen if you were to own your part?

What’s one quality you could bring to the dynamic that could change it for the better?

03/10/2023

This is a really great interview!

12/25/2022

Yes!

12/21/2022

Two of my favorites together! Religion is best when it's about peacemaking, not peacekeeping!

I flew to Albuquerque to spend the day with Father Richard Rohr. We laughed, I cried a little, we laughed some more, and I told him why his work pi**es me off sometimes. He thoroughly delighted in that last part.

We talked about my favorite quotes from two of his books that have been an important part of my recovery: “Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps” and “Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.”

This quote from “Breathing Under Water” is so simple yet so hard: “All mature spirituality, in one sense or another, is about letting go and unlearning.”

I also love what he writes about religion: “When religion does not move people to the mystical or non-dual level of consciousness it is more a part of the problem than any solution whatsoever. It solidifies angers, creates enemies, and is almost always exclusionary of the most recent definition of ‘sinner.’ At this level, it is largely incapable of its supreme tasks of healing, reconciling, forgiving, and peacemaking. When religion does not give people an inner life or a real prayer life, it is missing its primary vocation.”

I’m grateful to share this with you. I’m grateful for my time with Father Richard and the loving staff of the Center for Action and Contemplation. Listen at the link below.

Peace be with you.

https://bit.ly/3Pp5RgK

12/12/2022

And it's all so beautiful!

12/10/2022

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”
Maya Angelou

12/09/2022

11/26/2022

WHEN YOU TRY TO FIX ME

“When you try to fix me, when you play the infallible ‘expert’ or ‘guru’, you unconsciously send a signal to me, to my nervous system, that there’s something wrong with me, that I’m broken and do not have the inner resources I need. That I can’t hold what I’m holding, can’t bear what I am bearing. That I am smaller than you, weaker, needier. That I know less. You play the expert to my beginner, the guru to my disciple. Even if you have the best of intentions, which I know you often do, when you try to fix me, and give me your answers, you treat me like a child. You don’t listen. You don’t trust. And that’s scary. I feel more alone than ever when you try to fix me. You split us in two.

Yes, when you try to fix me, you don’t trust me. But I am stronger than you know. I can bear more than you realise. I am more capable, more wise, more courageous than you give me credit for. I am shocked by my own courage!

When you stop trying to fix me you give me the space to grow. You give me the space to feel, to hurt, to tolerate and to process that hurt, to move through my pain into a deeper healing.

When you simply hold space for me, I can relax to fill that warm space. I can breathe more freely, held in your safe and loving arms. I can touch into my deepest trauma, find my courage, push myself a little bit into the scary places, start to tolerate the seemingly intolerable, bear the seemingly unbearable, and survive the intensity of the moment. I can start to prove to myself how strong I actually am.

When you simply stay present with me, I can move through my healing crisis, I can fall and be caught, break and be held, and I can learn to hold myself too.

When you simply listen, I can better hear myself. I can learn to trust my deepest intuition, my authentic feelings, my own body - and fill even the scary places within me with loving awareness.

My words are not drowned out by yours. My feelings are not replaced by yours. My dreams become clearer. My gut learns to speak up for itself. When you drop all your clever concepts, philosophies, answers, advice, fixes, and you just love me, I can learn to love myself, and trust myself, and hold myself as you hold me.

When you stop trying to fix me, I actually start to feel less broken! Here is the paradox of love, and the paradox of healing - two sides of the very same mystery.

So stop trying to fix me, and please, love me instead, be present with me as I heal…”

- Jeff Foster
Jeff Foster (www.lifewithoutacentre.com)