09/06/2026
HOW OFTEN MUST I FORGIVE MY OFFENDER
Human beings are created to live as brothers and sisters in love and harmony, yet our fallen nature often disrupts relationships. Though we desire to love, weakness leads to anger, disputes, and offenses. Because relationships become strained, we must learn both love and forgiveness. Sirach teaches that forgiveness is necessary, and that unforgiveness is a tangled web of emotions. Jesus, in the Gospel, teaches His disciples how to resolve offenses without placing limits on forgiveness.
Wrongdoing provokes anger, and anger contaminates the heart. In the first reading, Sirach says, “The sinner hugs wrath and anger tight,” showing how anger clings to us and blinds us. Anger and unforgiveness are intertw**ed: forgiveness gives up resentment, while anger stores it. Understanding forgiveness requires understanding anger. Anger signals that we believe we are treated unfairly. It grows from what we think or feel about the offender—arrogance, lies, malice, or lack of remorse. These inflame resentment and lead to hostility. Anger is not automatic; it is a choice. We can choose to let go, but the angry person rarely admits he is angry.
Holding onto anger is destructive to health and relationships. Jesus warns that anger can make us killers in spirit (Matt 5:21–22). Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. The only remedy for anger is forgiveness. Scripture urges us not to let the sun set on our anger, lest the devil gain a foothold in our hearts (Eph 4:27).
In the Old Testament, rabbis taught that a sinner could be forgiven up to three times—a generous standard. Peter extends this generosity by suggesting forgiveness seven times. Jesus responds, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven,” meaning forgiveness must be limitless. Peter’s question was not only about numbers but about when his anger would be justified. Jesus rejects any attempt to quantify grace. Forgiveness is not merely an action but a disposition woven into Christian living.
Like Peter, we often want to limit forgiveness—either by number or by type of sin. We wonder whether grave sins such as homicide, infidelity, kidnapping, or abuse deserve forgiveness. Yet Jesus gives no distinction between sins to forgive and sins not to forgive. He simply commands us to forgive as God forgives us (Mt 6:12). Even when the offender does not deserve forgiveness, God deserves our obedience. We forgive for God’s sake.
Forgiveness is not condoning wrongdoing or minimizing its gravity. It does not depend on the offender’s repentance, as Jesus forgave His executioners (Lk 23:34). Forgiveness is strength, not weakness; courage, not cowardice. Delayed forgiveness often becomes denied forgiveness. Peace is impossible without reconciliation.
Jesus illustrates limitless forgiveness with a parable of two debts. One man owes an impossible sum—greater than a province’s revenue—yet is forgiven. He then refuses to forgive a neighbor a tiny debt, one hundred thousandth of his own. The contrast exposes the absurdity of withholding forgiveness when God has forgiven us so much. Jesus teaches us to break the unforgiving spirit that seeks limits.
The message is clear: if God has shown mercy to us, we must show mercy to others. Forgiveness is difficult but not impossible. Time is the remedy that allows wounds to fade. Jesus’ command to forgive “seventy seven times” invites us to give time room to heal and let offenses disappear from memory. In this way, forgiveness becomes the path to peace, freedom, and restored relationships.