01/16/2026
I thought this was beautiful! To the writer: Thank you for writing and sharing something so profound.
I made it through. I made it all the way through. Thank you, Jesus. Lord, You did the work in me. Looking back is so much easier than looking forward. The concerns I had for the past two weeks were real, but perhaps the scale I had placed them on, well was higher than what Truth said they needed to be. Silly, now that I sit back and think about things. What changed? A lot had changed. I, for one, have really changed. I must sadly admit I had to make changes I never wanted to make. Never, ever, wanted to make.
The inside of me had to be ripped out. First, my guts had to be removed, making room for God's hand to reach my heart. Did I mention having your guts ripped out is painful? More pain in that process than one person should have to endure for a lifetime. It was messy, too. The amount of actual gut was --- shallow. The amount of garbage was --- embarrassing. The amount of blood was --- death. The procedure lasted longer than it should have. There were many times that the pain was so bad I begged God to stop the process. I admit, not to you, but to myself, there were times I reached into the surgical bowl and grabbed the same garbage and stuffed it back in. What I did not know was that when garbage is exposed, brought into the bright surgical light, into the very sterile environment, it changes too. The garbage did not want to go back to the same spot that I needed it to fill inside of me. Now there was more room inside of me for it to navigate. My very patient and wise surgeon had to administer anesthesia to me, quickly. The same garbage had to be pulled out again, but this time, the surgeon had to reach deeper and farther. The anesthesia kept me still, but I realized I had to make the choice to allow God to go deeper and farther. He waited for me to get as comfortable as possible, He waited for me to take as many deep breathes as I needed, He waited for my eyes to focus on Him, He waited for my heart to say --- proceed. This time the garbage was completely removed, successfully. Not without pain, but with more strength. Not without fear, but with more courage. Not without disappointment, but with more hope. Not without tears, but with more laughter. I was finally on the side of “but with more.”
Both of us sat staring at them, in the surgical suite. Bright lights still glaring out any darkness that might try to appear. The smell of sterile purity was not to be ignored. I was staring at them out of conviction, He was staring out of compassion and love. Both our faces long and heavy, but for two very different reasons. I really did not realize how big they were or how thick they had been made. They looked heavy, impossible to lift. Shiny, as to see my own reflection, which I did not like. I am aware they are not alone on the tray, but my spirit confirms I need to place my concentration on just them and not what lay to the left or to the right. I hear my heavy sigh and feel my shoulders shrink into surrender. His face does not change, nor His magnificent composure. I reach for them, still not convinced I can pick them up. My fingers touch the metal, and I concur to myself they are cold as ice. That is how I knew they were as sharp as they ever needed to be. These surgical scissors were prepared for me. Without words, or direction, no advice, or guidelines, I knew the choice had to be mine. When the decision in my heart was made, the grip surprised me. My hand was able to maneuver the positioning required to operate them, and my arm immediately received the muscle to lift and carry out the goal set before me.
I began to boldly grab the strings of destructive thought, wasted energy, and unproductive activities and I cut them, one by one and let them blow away in the wind, so far away from me that but a distant memory. Let me be honest, I watched them go. I bid them good-bye. And if I am being totally honest, I wondered if there would be a time I would miss them. I hated that I should want them back, but I cut them loose and when I sat in silence, alone, holding those surgical scissors, I noticed my gut no longer ached. My mind shifted to my very own body. That ache was gone. I had not felt this light in a very long time, and even then, it was but for a short time. Strange to begin a new journey of not feeling something that you always felt. Real transforming transformation is possible, in full surrender to Jesus.
