05/15/2024
I thought my Christian walk would look a certain way, neat paths and straight lines.
Now I see my walk has been walks down deep valleys and then regaining my strength to make it up a mountain side. This road has been bumpy and jagged and has left me breathless and frustrated at times.
There have been deep lows where I stumble and fall upon my face before the Almighty One.
I have sinned and failed and doubted.
I have pleaded and grieved and held a hand full of ashes.
I have seen my heart stripped bare by the fire held in the Refiner’s mighty flames. I have wrestled with His will and His ways and have thrown my hands up in frustration. I have struggled to submit and have asked for my cup of suffering to be taken from me.
I have wandered and been lost in the shadows.
I have wanted to give up on every promise that God has spoken into my heart…
but through it all my God has remained.
He has been faithful when I have not.
He has pursued me when I was running.
He has transformed my heart as I sat weeping at His feet. He has given me strength to make it through another day.
This is real life faith.
It is messy and raw.
It is filled with highs and lows.
It is walking through the hard seasons and somehow making it by His grace alone.
It is wondering what He is doing but then seeing Him show up each time.
It is pain with a purpose.
It is suffering that becomes holy.
It is waiting on Him to learn how to trust Him deeper.
It is dying to self and realizing how patient He is as we do it.
It is crying out worship through the pain.
It is choosing to keep believing in His goodness despite the ugliness of the world.
And most of all it has been trusting that He is holding on to me even when I am too weak to hold on to Him.
It is putting my faith in the only name that saves, the Lord Jesus and knowing that He loves me no matter how I have fallen short and messed up.
He faithfully remains.
Forever faithful.
Forever Kind.
Forever the Most High.