07/04/2024
Tonight, we honor the life and service of Officer Steven Farrell who died by su***de on July 3, 2021, after 20 years of service.
Rather than write a memorial, we are sharing the words of his beloved wife, Susan…
“July 4th will be 3 years since Steve’s death. The Fourth of July will never be the same.
I want to take this moment to finally share the nature of Steve’s death; I honestly couldn’t talk about it until recently. He was struggling with PTSD and mental health issues for a long time. Sadly, I never realized the extent of it. He would probably be upset with me for sharing his privacy; he was extremely private, but I know by sharing I can help others struggling with mental health.
Steve was an outstanding sergeant in the NYPD and received many awards that he never actually accepted. He said, “I do what I do, I don’t care about the medals”. He saved lives and told us about it like it was an everyday occurrence for anyone. During my dad’s final days, he cared for him like a son and did so much to support us. He was the best chef and made the most delicious meals. I’m not sure I appreciated him as much as I should have. He wasn’t perfect, he was also hard to live with and stubborn as hell.
He was a wonderful human being who adored his daughters, but his pain was bigger than anyone knew. He said he couldn’t face it because he didn’t want to disappoint anyone or let down people who respected him. Steve also said facing it all was like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute; I can only imagine how terrifying that was. I was out of my league dealing with this and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or cope with some of the traumatic events he did share.
We made many good decisions and mistakes in our relationship and one of my biggest was not seeing the signs. In retrospect, there were many and I was afraid to look hard at them not wanting to “go there”. I guess I didn’t want to cause any more issues. Towards the end, I tried numerous times to get him help. I have since learned you can’t make anyone do what you want them to do. Though, I still feel I should have persisted.
Please get your loved one help in any way you can even if it’s going to upset them or it’s a false alarm, by acting you may save their life.
We are forever traumatized and in pain. We are all dealing with the pain differently and managing a new life together as a th*****me. We all have trauma-induced PTSD and are getting help. Having to remove Steven’s life support was the most painful and traumatic thing I’ve ever done. After three long years, we can finally start talking about it more openly. There are people who judge us that do not know our pain or minimize it and the circumstances. To them I can only say, I hope you never have to experience what we have. I’ll continue to live to save just one life while I fiercely protect our girls against the stigma that su***de brings. We didn’t ask for any of this, yet we suffer and are treated as though we did something wrong.
We have joyful times and tearful times, but we have each other and special individuals who have helped us along the way. I am forever grateful for them.
I miss my best friend & the girls miss their Dad.”
Thank you, Officer Farrell, for your service. A very special thank you to his family for sharing him with us.
To read Steven's full memorial page, please visit https://bluehelp.org/officers/steven-farrell/
