08/27/2026
Sympathy/Empathy
Patti Loftus
During a recent family vacation, my thoughtful 12 year-old great nephew asked what the difference is between sympathy and empathy. I don’t know why this question came to his mind during a mountain hike, but I love that he was pondering it. His dad and I responded off the tops of our heads and commended him for his curiosity. The question has stayed with me, particularly thinking of all the kids soon going back to school and the complexity of their social interactions.
What do those words – sympathy and empathy – say about our capacity to consider the situations of people we encounter? Sympathy describes when a human “feels bad” for another’s circumstances, whether that’s a rough moment or a long-term condition. We may feel sympathy for someone we see on crutches, aware that they’re dealing with a physical limitation. “That’s too bad,” might be our response. Sympathy may also describe what we feel when we hear about a flood or earthquake where the tragedy is huge and/or the victims are distant. In sympathizing, we notice others’ trouble without animosity or blame. We may feel lucky that we aren’t experiencing what has fallen on them.
Empathy goes deeper and often involves a response. Educator and author Michele Borba suggests that empathy is more than a feeling; it’s actually a verb. Empathy is when a person is able to or tries to imagine what others experience. I’m much more responsive to folks who are going through physical therapy, having had a difficult experience with it myself years ago. I not only feel bad for them, but recall the pain and the limitations I experienced and remember how overwhelmed I was with the numerous daily exercises. As a result, I’m more likely to offer heartfelt concern and concrete support to others doing physical therapy than I was before I’d been through it.
Mary Gordon, founder of Roots of Empathy, writes and speaks about empathy either flourishing or fading, with its roots in early parent-child interactions that lead to attachment. She is convinced that it can be nurtured through experiences but not taught directly. It is “caught, not taught,” and it can transform lives. John Wallach (journalist turned founder of Seeds of Peace) brought teens from warring nations together at summer camps, convinced that increasing understanding between and among children was needed to resolve generational animosities between countries, believing that empathy is made of habits – communicating, perspective taking, considering others as humans, not the enemy.
Children in school, as well as adults, have tens or maybe hundreds of encounters with other humans each day, many of which are anonymous and don’t involve any interaction – standing in line, passing in a hallway or on a playground, seeing others at events, etc. Some number of these will involve a moment of engagement with another person. How many opportunities to respond with empathy might be missed?
Bringing these thoughts back to children heading into a new school year, I think about those who lack empathy being more likely to “bully,” and those who possess/practice empathy as those who stand up to bullying behavior. I also wonder about the bystanders when targeted unkindness happens in front of them. They may not know how to respond in situations where bullying happens.
What do we (adults) model for children when we see or learn about someone in distress? Certainly sympathy is often an appropriate response. We simply can’t take action all the time. Some events or people’s situations, however, will resonate deeper within us and we respond in ways that fit the situation, to the degree we are able. That’s empathy and it’s invaluable if the troubles in our communities and the world are ever to improve.
If you are interested in helping make Delano a more welcoming (and empathetic) community for all who want to live, work, play, and pray here, please contact the Delano United Diversity Task Force by email at [email protected].
https://micheleborba.com/speaking-topics/empathy-the-unselfie-revolution/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxvrHS6NYmM
https://www.seedsofpeace.org/john/letter-from-michael-wallach/
July 11, 2002 Dear Seeds family, As many of you may now know, yesterday at 3 p.m., my father, John Wallach, died. He was the Founder and President of Seeds of Peace. Most of […]
